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I go back and forth on this. On one hand, I think it's best to avoid women I'm attracted to. On the other, sometimes it's advantageous professionally to by chummy with women I'm attracted to. I think the rule that another poster invoked -- imagine your partner interacting with a member of the opposite sex and don't cross any lines that you wouldn't want him/her to cross -- is a good one.
If you seen a married man from far off but you have never actually held a conversation with him but he looks at you and avoids eye contact with you and makes it a point leave every time you enter a room what does that mean? Remember I have never talked to this person we only make eye contact from a distance.
What have you done when you find someone you are so attracted to? Do you try to avoid them?
When I am in a monogamous relationship, I avoid temptation, especially situations where will power can be compromised. Many people don't create such temptations for me, so it's fine to spend time with them as friends.
When I'm not in a monogamous relationship (such as now - I'm in an open marriage), I'm free to associate with anyone I find attractive or interesting, BUT I will NOT do so with married people unless they also have a verifiable open relationship. That's just good ethics and good manners.
I'm nice guy. No, REALLY! I'm a VERY nice guy! I'm a married man, and very much in love (and in lust) with my wife. She has gradually been losing interest in me, in our relationship, and in intimacy. At first, I reacted by trying to improve myself and the relationship. I've been growing discouraged, however, because as time has gone by, she has changed - she used to be attracted to me and affectionate towards me, but now she seems bored with me and seems to find my affection and advances repellant. She almost always shies away from hugs, kisses, and cuddling. She doesn't wear her wedding band - making excuses about it being impractical or that she doesn't want anything to happen to it. She falls asleep on the divan watching TV, and doesn't come to bed with me. I don't think she's cheating on me because she doesn't seem to have much of an opportunity to do so, but I can't understand why she doesn't seem to exhibit emotional or romantic needs...
I am a better person/husband/father now than I have ever been. Perhaps not as young, but certainly not old, decrepit, or disgusting. She almost always turns me away when I pay attention to her and express interest in intimacy. She almost never approaches ME for affection or intimacy anymore. I've spoken with her very respectfully and openly about my feelings and concerns on this subject, (one-on-one AND in front of a marriage counselor) and she doesn't express any concern that I feel upset about the situation. She expresses no interest in restoring our intimacy or even apologizing about what some people would say is the natural decline of a long-term committed relationship/marriage.
Fast forward to my life outside of home: The self-improvements I've achieved seem to be getting me noticed by other women, some of whom are friendly towards me. One in particular is a slightly younger single woman who is simply wonderful in a LOT of ways, and there seems to be a strong chemistry brewing between us. We have both maintained our composure thus far, and there have been no inappropriate words or actions between us. YET.
Let me get this straight. I'm supposed to stay committed to my wife, who is in the process of emotionally abandoning me despite my continual commitment to her and our children. I'm supposed to rely on my wife, and ONLY my wife, for ALL of my emotional and sexual wants/needs, even if she has all but lost interest or concern. No porn, no fantasizing, no cheating? REALLY? Just exactly how long am I supposed to put up with this situation?
Time to start getting your jollies on the side my friend. Marriage is a 50/50 contract of two people putting effort in for the better good of the whole. Sounds like she's has deliberately, knowingly and actively fallen short on her end thus nullifying such contract. However, the justice system has cornered men into an unfortunate choice in such matters. It would be financially wise to stay in the marriage and play the field instead of offering a divorce. If divorce is inevitable, might as well play until you get caught.
Ask yourself if the opportunity was there alone with these guys and they made a move if you would refrain from their advances.
If you can honestly say yes.. then you should be ok.
If no.. then watch the movie 'unfaithful' lol
Thread is 9 years old.
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