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I moved to a small Southern City (26,000) from NYC.
I am diagnosed with chronic widespread pain and had to go on Disability--meds 18,000/year!....I spent my life teaching and acting professionally. I can't afford to live in a big city right now. So I'm trying to slowly get better--and act on occasion/standup--and eventually move back to NY or maybe LA..if people want me there for work..
I really can afford to live here (and save money towards career stuff). It's pretty here. The people are NOT bad people!!...But the culture is "radically different"!!!!!!!!
YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's hard to meet someone who understands a city mentality in a rural area--no fault to them and I guess vice versa...
I say; "yes sir"--"maam"--hold doors open--look out for my neighbors--but they see "NY guy" not a caring guy.....During an electrical outage-I helped everyone-but they still won't say HI...I don't have a city "chip" on my shoulder either--I'll do things their way and shut my mouth.. Really!
In NY I meet women easily because of work. I'm not that good looking but the performing helps.
Here it's been IMPOSSIBLE--seems everyone is taken and they dont understand why I am here. People get married younger and have kids right away. Not alot of singles--tried online. I tried church--tried classes--tried everything I could find.. One woman told me off and said I have no business dating right now till I'm settled like she thinks I should be...
When one has the perserverance-- one does amazing things--my sickness should stop me but it wont stop me from doing what i love....I earned my SAG card--Actors Equity Card--Even AGVA Card for standup--I just acted in a play, a neat small film role--and have been doing my standup as my health permits-and yes ppl will look at professional demos of professional standup.
I cant tell you how may auditions I've gotten that way--even in LA. ---NOT trying to brag--but as someone pointed out I was fibbing--yes-it might be a different way of doing it-but it works for me--they dont know I'm not in town (have an LA phone #) and I have gotten calls--my standup sells itself--then I travel as my money is permitting (to NY-LA-even Denver once!). OH-pursuing the comedy/acting is all I have right now--it's keeping my sanity. And I swear --I've done better living in the South with getting called for gigs than I did in NY--because I'm determined and my standup seems to be highly MARKETABLE.
Back to the question at hand..How does one date and adjust in a small town with these circumstances.
ps. I feel 'isolated' and rejected-dejected and lonely.
I don't look down at anyone--but they sure are NOT accepting of me. I'm liberal--their conservative. I'm Christian--they're Baptist--and accept no substitutes--LOL! I mentioned Obama they freaked. They look down at College. I have a friend who removed his degree from his office not to make people feel badly. I've also seen a lot of prejudice, holier than thouness, and mean spiritedness that I have not seen before. and most important--no available women who would consider me.
I'm grateful for your help...GMONEY
Last edited by bigcityguytrapped; 10-11-2009 at 12:35 PM..
Okay, here's where you lost me. In one paragraph you say you are hit on constantly, but also rejected. This is so confusing I don't know whether to burp or go home.
Quote Here's the kicker--when I'm in NY--even though I'm not Brad Pitt--I get hit on constantly esp when they see I'm talented .. The women here think I don't make the bucks right now--are not good looking enuff for them even though they are not so hot themselves--and just don't get me. They won't try. They want a guy who has a steady job in the police--roofing--military (no disrespect I'm a navy man's son)etc and has a nice car--and good looks. Plain and simple.
Dude. Funniest (and saddest) thread title Ive ever seen.
Its all bogus though. Two and Half Men film here in the Burbank studios, not in New York. Producers and casting agents will ONLY consider someone who lives here in LA not in BFE where you claim you are.
Good luck though with whatever you are trying to accomplish.
Take some refuge in the online forums to make some e-friends of similar tastes and interest. You may come across someone who lives within driving distance of you eventually. I would also recommend you take some classes, whether you really need them or not, as a way to meet people who are more your "type", the more you get out there, the better your odds. Eventually the law of averages has to come into play and you'll be able to make friends and possibly meet someone who holds your interest. Aside from that, it's tough if you are living in a small city or town.
What can anyone really say? How can anyone give you sound advice, you've cut off every avenue already.
Since you won't move, or can't move, you really have to deal with Larry the Cable Guys.
So, open those acting eyes you have. Turn your city into one giant scene set out before you. Change your perception.
What would Frasier do?
I think Frasier would go down to a pub and have a drink. Maybe his brother will show up for some casual conversation, maybe he'll just sit and drink alone.
Join other activities in the area of your interests. Stop looking for the golden girl of your dreams and just live your life and try to enjoy it. When she's ready, she may take a vacation out to where you are and bump into you at an art gallery. Just be open to the opportunity, and recognize it when it happens instead of stressing out about a city you can't control. You're in their world, on their stage, with their directions...what do you do? If you absolutely have to have a hint....try having some fun with it.
Go live your life, the world is your stage, and remember it can change any time. You are the director here, not us.
Take some refuge in the online forums to make some e-friends of similar tastes and interest. You may come across someone who lives within driving distance of you eventually. I would also recommend you take some classes, whether you really need them or not, as a way to meet people who are more your "type", the more you get out there, the better your odds. Eventually the law of averages has to come into play and you'll be able to make friends and possibly meet someone who holds your interest. Aside from that, it's tough if you are living in a small city or town.
Definitely start frequenting the forum in or near the area you live...that's a start.
I just joined today and am sincere in needing advice... Please help if you can...
I went thru a divorce in '06 -- wife walked out when I developed chronic severe pain -- had to go on disability and medicare and she thought she could do much better. I treated her as I felt about her -- with high regard. Anyways.
I went back to school for a year-earned a second masters-taught on campus with a teaching assistantship.--then in 08 settled into an area that was affordable on my limited income (have friend here too). It's a smaller Southern city--conservative. I wanted to stay in a big city--but I just can't work fulltime and support a big city lifestyle--darn pain!
Now--I am a big city NYC guy--formal education, highly intelligent-well spoken, liberal i guess, Christian but open to others preferences and choices- 43 years old, white male with average appearance--very artsy fartsy type. I've spent my life teaching and in the professional acting world before getting sick. Did very well for myself. Taught and acted across this country--stayed in big and small cities but never the South.
It's very important to point out again limited income--and I can't move out of this area for a while--can't afford to--am set here--pain doctor-medical-benefits etc etc. Will do so in under 5 years hopefully or sooner.
OK Here's the problem. I believe God don't make junk. I respect people and I don't have a chip on my shoulder--I'm polite--well mannered--care about my neighbors--"yes maam", "hi sir", etc etc. But the culture Is RADICALLY DIFFERENT. I respect others and their choices but THEY DONT REALLY TRY TO GET TO KNOW ME--THEY DONT DISRESPECT ME BUT EVEN THOUGH IM TRYING TO BE INVOLVED-THEY WONT OPEN UP--ITS BEEN 2 YEARS. And I've seen things I've never seen in another city or town; hate, prejudice, very closed minds, holier than thou types who say they are Christian but dont act that way, dates have said "I ain't respect education--degrees don't impress me"..... I wasn't bragging but one has to talk about their life when asked--a friend had to remove their degree and military eduaction not to offend anyone at work. The people hate Obama--don't like transplants--won't offer employment but to their own etc....They don't like NYers either .My uncle was a farmer upstate and had a 8th grade education yet treated ppl kindly--not here--your from here or your not thats that.
So is there something good happening here. Yes --I have decided to go back into acting slowly as my health permits--and Im actualy saving money to do this because I can with such affordable living. So who knows maybe I'll be out of here soon.
Here's where I need help...
I'm isolated and alone--people here get married young and have kids--dont go to college and stay here till death and it seems everyone is taken. I've had a date or two from online but the women are very country-rural types (I like em too -- I like all women)and they don't understand what I'm doing with the arts even though I've explained and showed them. Online women in my area just delete me--I'm not SUPER GOODLOOKING or have a job they understand. What is acting to them? They don't see that I can send out my demo and that people call me --then I head to NYC by bus or LA and audition. I'm very close to getting some good gigs too.
Here's the kicker--when I'm in NY--even though I'm not Brad Pitt--I get hit on constantly esp when they see I'm talented .. The women here think I don't make the bucks right now--are not good looking enuff for them even though they are not so hot themselves--and just don't get me. They won't try. They want a guy who has a steady job in the police--roofing--military (no disrespect I'm a navy man's son)etc and has a nice car--and good looks. Plain and simple.
But I'm going crazy because the available women here reject me like crazy and online didnt work--and I've volunteered--got involved with the community--took a class etc.
I might be on Two and 1/2 men lets say--and yet the community theatre rejects me here. They aint impressed shall we say.
So what ya'lll think--but pls don't say move-try online dating-get involved outside the house--how do I keep my sanity. I liked being married--and my friend who lives here is moving.. I thank you in advance. I'm sorry if anything comes off in the wrong way. I never wrote one of these before. Oh--and it's too hard to do a long distance relationship with someone in NY or LA. Why is it like this here--26,000 ppl live here..
My advice would be to start volunteering in the community. Even a town your size has a senior center, a hospice, an animal shelter, maybe even a food bank. Yes, I know you are not interested in meeting poor, old, dying people. But the point is that everybody ELSE who volunteers and works there has children, grand children, neices and nephews and other acquaintances who you *might* be interested in.
You might want to consider developing other interests in addition to those you already have. I understand your pain very much. I love the "arts" too, but where I live (population less than 10,000) there are few opportunities to enjoy art, theatre, etc. So I have to expand my horizons, so to speak.
Every community, even those smaller than yours, has a population of "elite" people - which I think is what you are looking to hook up with. Usually they are successful business men or women. Join the chamber of commerce and be active in the development of commerce in your area. You will be exposed to and meet lots of people whose intelligence approximates your own. Granted, most of them will be married, possibly a little older, but again, it is their friends and acquaintances you are after, not them. You cannot break into their circle without taking the time and making the effort to get to know them first.
Secondly, do not automatically rule out people who are hicks. Yes, they may not have the knowledge and experience that you do, but that does not mean that with a little work and effort they cannot develop an appreciation for the finer things in life. Most country folk simply have not had the opportunity or exposure to these things. If you find a nice, pleasant woman who has a good "head on her shoulders" and is reasonably bright, you may find great pleasure in introducing her to such things as art, music and the theatre. Not only will you develop these things in common, but you will be giving someone great joy who might otherwise not have the opportunity to grow.
As for the community theatre, it has been my experience that it is a very closed society. Usually, they will not welcome outsiders unless they need something that you can offer. You might consider volunteering with them as well in a non-theatrical capacity (they always need people to build sets, work as ushers, etc.,) Eventually, they *may* come to accept you as one of them, but I wouldn't count on it. I recall once that I wanted to get involved in a community theatre (not where I am living now), and I showed up for auditions and people treated me like I had three eyes. Everybody knew everybody else and I was left out of ALL the conversations. It's a very exclusive club, you know.
Awesome advice--i like it. I'm sorry too if I'm coming across wrong here. It's so hard to explain. Basically I wouldnt be here if I didn't have to. And I probably will be moving back to NY/LA at some point when I'm better. I love all people-God don't make junk--but sometimes a place is very closed minded and fearful of outsiders
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