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My bf & I have been together for a long time. My bf works in sports, obviously a small dominated industry, and his office is really small : less than 20 employees. This past week, a new woman was hired in his dept. There are other women that work there too, which I don't care about. But this new girl is different. After her 1st day of work, my bf came home and we were talking about our day. I asked how the new hire's first day went & he started talking about her. I was listening contently until he mentioned that she was going to be moving closer to work and was thinking of moving to the mountain near here where my bf goes snowboarding. I don't snowboard & neither do many of his friends, but he doesn't mind going alone. His next comment really bothered me : he said he thinks maybe he would go snowboarding with her sometime since he has no one to go with. He also told me her hobbies, where she went to school, the last place she worked, etc. because he had been eavesdropping on her talking with another employee during her training. I decided to throw out there that I wouldn't be comfortable with him going places with her alone, even snowboarding. He asked if he could even go out to lunch with her alone at work and I said no (to see what he'd say) and he got really upset. I asked if he thought she was pretty (normally, he'd say no to other girls he doesn't find pretty...the ones he does, he answers "Not as beautiful as you" or some cheesy line like that) & this time, his answer was "I'm not going there."
Two days later, I knew even more info. on her. By Fri., this was completely bugging me on how he had obviously taken such an interest in her, so I decided to throw out there that maybe he had a crush on her. After saying I was ridiculous and saying no, he finally admitted that he really likes her personality, that she and him share a lot of common interests. He said disappointingly that he had arrived late to the lunch and had to sit near the end, so he couldn't learn more about the new girl. But he did overhear her tell a coworker that she had a boyfriend who works @ the gym she goes rock climbing at. He said he is surprised he has met someone who has such a common background to his and that he likes her simply on a platonic level and wants to be her friend. He said he wouldn't say if she was pretty or not and that she knows he has me because of my pic on his desk.The one thing he said that really bothered me too was "I'm sure there are guys at your work you're attracted to." I asked if that meant he was attracted to her and he said no.
Now I feel silly, because we're supposed to be planning a week long getaway with each other, and I feel like maybe I shouldn't be planning a romantic trip with someone who has developed an obvious crush on another coworker. It's throwing me for a loop because he has never gushed about another woman like this before and normally refers to them as one of the guys.Am I wrong in feeling insecure/worried about all this?? Ladies, how would you move on from here? How would you act after hearing this from your bf? Advice welcome. Thanks for reading. Sorry for venting.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 01-26-2010 at 04:16 AM..
Reason: To make paragraphs :)
Eight years and no proposal. He's interested in her and he's told you as much. Sorry to be blunt, but from a guy's perspective, these are clear signs you shouldn't dismiss.
To be honest, I think you fanned the flames of this. He told you about a new coworker, which is very normal, and was really open about it but your back went up and he knew it. She seems to have become much more interesting to him as you have shown jealousy.
Back off and stifle your concern/jealousy and I think his interest in her will wane as long as you treat him well and don't nag him about this.
Since you stated that he works in a male-dominated field, he must have little, to no female contact other than you (and his mother). Maybe he noticed that the new girl is refreshing since she "snowboards", "went to the same school as you", and "lived in the same dorm".
He probably feels that there is a person he can relate to as there are so much common things between the 2 of them since from your post, it seems like he only hangs out with you and only you. He might see her as "one of the guys".
I wouldn't put too much thought into it, unless he starts coming home late without telling you, lying, or spend less time with you. Plus, just because your guy might have a crush on her, she might not reciprocate.
Anyone think it's a good idea to suggest to the OP that she should give the okay for her boyfriend to be friends with the co-worker, but drop the bomb stating that if he cheats on her, she'd leave in a heartbeat?
however, it is encouraging that he's honest with you, and not lying.
maybe you should stop asking so many questions, if you do not want to know the answers.
your reaction could push him away from you, and toward her.
ask yourself if there's anything he could be getting from her, that he doesn't get from you.
you can maybe modify your behaviour a little to make sure you're a better bet. after all, you would hope he would do the same if roles were reversed ?
8 years is a long time together. yours should be a fairly secure bond.
there is nothing wrong with a little flirting, or attention from the opposite sex. sometimes everyone needs it as an ego boost.
maybe sit him down, and talk rationally, and explain to him, without shouting, or accusing, that you're threatened by this woman, and this situation, and that you're just looking for a little reassurance.
see what happens from there. he may not realise he's doing anything wrong.
My bf & I have been together for almost 8 years now (we're in our mid-20s). My bf works in sports, obviously a male dominated industry, and his office is really small : less than 20 employees. This past week, a new woman was hired in his dept. There are other women that work there too, which I don't care about. But this new girl is different. After her 1st day of work, my bf came home and we were talking about our day. I asked how the new hire's first day went & he started talking about her. I was listening contently until he mentioned that she was going to be moving closer to work and was thinking of moving to the mountain near here where my bf goes snowboarding. I don't snowboard & neither do many of his friends, but he doesn't mind going alone. His next comment really bothered me : he said he thinks maybe he would go snowboarding with her sometime since he has no one to go with. He also told me her hobbies, where she went to school, the last place she worked, etc. because he had been eavesdropping on her talking with another employee during her training. I decided to throw out there that I wouldn't be comfortable with him going places with her alone, even snowboarding. He asked if he could even go out to lunch with her alone at work and I said no (to see what he'd say) and he got really upset. I asked if he thought she was pretty (normally, he'd say no to other girls he doesn't find pretty...the ones he does, he answers "Not as beautiful as you" or some cheesy line like that) & this time, his answer was "I'm not going there."
Two days later, I knew even more info. on her : she went to the same college me & my bf did, she had even lived in his same dorm (the yr. before), and he said he believed she was single. By Fri., this was completely bugging me on how he had obviously taken such an interest in her, so I decided to throw out there that maybe he had a crush on her. After saying I was ridiculous and saying no, he finally admitted that he really likes her personality, that she and him share a lot of common interests, and he was even impressed by the fact that she had ordered a beer at their welcome lunch they had for her at work (he's a big beer lover). He said disappointingly that he had arrived late to the lunch and had to sit near the end, so he couldn't learn more about the new girl. But he did overhear her tell a coworker that she had a boyfriend who works @ the gym she goes rock climbing at. He said he is surprised he has met someone who has such a common background to his (they both went to the same college and worked for the same student work company ---- so did I!) and that he likes her simply on a platonic level and wants to be her friend. He said he wouldn't say if she was pretty or not and that she knows he has me because of my pic on his desk. He said their exchange about me was just that she asked if I was his "sweetie" and what my ethnicity was and then they continued on with their conversation. The one thing he said that really bothered me too was "I'm sure there are guys at your work you're attracted to." I asked if that meant he was attracted to her and he said no.
Now I feel silly, because we're supposed to be planning a week long getaway with each other, and I feel like maybe I shouldn't be planning a romantic trip with someone who has developed an obvious crush on another coworker. It's throwing me for a loop because he has never gushed about another woman like this before and normally refers to them as one of the guys. In addition to this, their new season is about to begin, and the staff ends up working about 6/7 days a week, up to 10-12 hrs. a day on game days. And their boss loves taking their staff on retreats and business trips to Vegas, which I am now admittedly worried about. Am I wrong in feeling insecure/worried about all this?? Ladies, how would you move on from here? How would you act after hearing this from your bf? Advice welcome. Thanks for reading. Sorry for venting.
If you are not giving him the ----- he needs, he may very well be looking elsewhere!!
This is such a fine line. On one hand, yes, you should be more secure in yourself, and accept the fact that your bf can have female coworkers. On the other hand, this looks like a beginning of a man starting to realize there is a big big world out there. He is clearly having some feelings... You two have been together since your teens... for some people nowadays, that's a bone-chilling prospective, to be with the same person for 70 more years.
Some women sense a threat and throw themselves into an organized competition. Extra attention to how they look, extra visuals for their mate. Even learning rock climbing/snowboarding in this case (to show that he does have someone to have fun with). (By the way, do you do any sports? It's fun!) If you are more of an indoor girl, your bf will be seeing that other girls can be active.
Some women decide to stay above the situation. Sometimes it works (bf keeps friends friends), sometimes it backfires.
All these choices have their risks (and please don't nag ever!), but I would go with the first one to become healthier myself, if nothing else!!
Personally, I would not care for the idea of my guy going out to lunch, alone with a female coworker. Now, if they wanted to invite you along, that would tell me that there is nothing to hide or worry about.
If they are going to lunch with the staff, thats diffrent.
Also the idea of them going off snowboarding alone, would be a thorn too,
especially from some of his comments.
I would hang on tight to your BF, and most definetly plan this weekend getaway!
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