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I don't believe that you are anti-social because you had friends at one point. It looks like your wife doesn't want you to have friends. I know you've talked about the difficulties with her before.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat
I am a certified anti-social and it is taking a toll on me. My wife is very outgoing, people friendly and I am totally the opposite. Moving back to Cali and not being able to get in touch with my old friends is very frustrating. Meantime my wife's got to many friends and does activities with them and leaves me out. It sucks.
Where do you live?
I'm pretty much like Phil. Although I do like some social events every now and again. We all have to network with others at some point.
The proper and PC term is hermit or happily alone NOT anti-social. Anti-social insinuates that you are a criminal or socially deranged which we are not. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil
It's wonderful.
I've basically been a loner for as long as I can remember, and after my Taoist training I became even more withdrawn.
Yes, I'm working hard to ensure that I STAY a loner.
It's hard to tango with yourself. Outside of that, never.
I'd be interested in knowing how you define "social support" - is it just a network of friends, or is it something on a slightly larger scale - social clubs, church groups...?
We were like the OP when we lived in Maryland, my wife and I are both very friendly people and always said hello to the neighbors when we would see them out, I don't think anyone ever talked more than a few minutes at best. No one would notice when we were gone either!
We moved to NC in May and made new friends the first night there with our new neighbors.
To the Op, have you met your neighbors? Catch them walking their dogs, or playing with kids or washing their cars, whatever, any reason to go out and say hi without actually having to knock on the door to introduce yoursef lol
To the Op, have you met your neighbors? Catch them walking their dogs, or playing with kids or washing their cars, whatever, any reason to go out and say hi without actually having to knock on the door to introduce yoursef lol
I guess we feel that it's awkward now b/c we've lived here 2.5 years already in the same house and since we didn't have that initial friendship with the neighbors it seems awkward to initiate it now. Plus, we're renters and everyone else is owners. I guess that's another aspect--both we and they see ourselves as temporary here, so it limits the incentive to try to make friends with the neighbors. Overall, the neighbors don't seem to be much of a friendly or welcoming bunch--we've noticed people go inside when we step out, I think people just don't feel like making small talk. In the summer there are BBQs and get togethers that we are never invited to.
I have a small social support group myself, and have of it is family members. It's hard sometimes but I put in effort to stay close to 3 women friends of mine, even if I sometimes feel like we don't have all that much in common. They have helped me through some hard times and I've gone out of my way to help them through hard times too. Even if that's ALL we really do for each other it's worth it. One friend now lives across the country and our whole relationship is done online and by phone, one is an activities partner and we plan fun things to do, and the other is more hermit like than me and it's just 15 years of kids and memories that keep us together. I really do have to force myself to do these things, or hope someone encourages me to get out, because it's easy for me to close myself off and just stay in my house alone and that is terrible for my emotional state. I really like getting out and being social, but for some reason it doesn't always come naturally to me.
It's easier to develop friends in the process of doing some activity. When I joined yoga class after my pregnancies - still didn't know many people around - one of the older ladies said, "We are glad you joined". So it was an acquantance that started as a side effect of yoga...
Recently, on a whim, I joined Ski Patrollers (first aid on the slopes) and while we are still undergoing training, I can't believe what a friendly-camaraderie group I've found. I believe there are many hobby-based groups where the passion unites.
But generally, I'm fine with being alone, that's not a problem for me.
By your definition of social support, I basically have none. I have a couple of good local friends, but I don't belong to any religious or social organizations. And I feel great. I'm actually relieved not to feel obligated to have to go to weekly meetings or get togethers. Life is too short and precious to have to spread my self too thin in terms of my time and energy.
I am social enough at work. When I get home, I enjoy my dogs, antiquing hobby, reading, and internet surfing. I like to cook and to find new ethnic restaurants. I also enjoy my work around the house and yard. Once in a while, I got out into the countryside to drive my car. I really enjoy driving.
I am somewhat anti-social myself, yet I need to know the support is there if I need it.
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To: Kibbelesandbits
