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Old 10-14-2009, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 14,225,569 times
Reputation: 11309

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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
Simple. Don't get married!
D'accord
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:05 PM
 
Location: CA
830 posts, read 1,536,258 times
Reputation: 936
Quote:
I'd be happy to take you on a tour across the east coast
I grew up on the East Coast. That'd be where I saw most of my examples of divorced women raising kids and worrying about whether the electricity would be shut off. No midnight oil to burn to speak of and those winters are cold.

I can entertain the idea that it might be a problem if you're in the minor subset of the population of rich guys who like marrying another certain subset of women, but I've never known anyone personally in either one of those subsets so like I said, it's far from my experience. I think the statistics are pretty clear on the average outcome for the finances of women and their children after divorce though.

But we don't need another gold-digger thread. They're damned boring, anyway. My point was simply that financial dependency on males has historically put women and their children in a vulnerable position and that could be why many of us feel some fear about finding ourselves in a situation like that. It's been bred into us. I personally don't like feeling vulnerable and try to avoid it at most costs.
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 14,225,569 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigcats View Post
I grew up on the East Coast. That'd be where I saw most of my examples of divorced women raising kids and worrying about whether the electricity would be shut off. No midnight oil to burn to speak of and those winters are cold.

I can entertain the idea that it might be a problem if you're in the minor subset of the population of rich guys who like marrying another certain subset of women, but I've never known anyone personally in either one of those subsets so like I said, it's far from my experience. I think the statistics are pretty clear on the average outcome for the finances of women and their children after divorce though.

But we don't need another gold-digger thread. They're damned boring, anyway. My point was simply that financial dependency on males has historically put women and their children in a vulnerable position and that could be why many of us feel some fear about finding ourselves in a situation like that. It's been bred into us. I personally don't like feeling vulnerable and try to avoid it at most costs.
I have not mixed a lot with the "general" east coast folks. Those I socialized with were peers from my work. I used to work in wall street. Some of them went through nasty and expensive divorces

Witnessing some of them and downloading their venting in between the cubicles, it simply sends shivers down the spine.
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:40 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
18,412 posts, read 17,121,030 times
Reputation: 17345
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
I have not mixed a lot with the "general" east coast folks. Those I socialized with were peers from my work. I used to work in wall street. Some of them went through nasty and expensive divorces

Witnessing some of them and downloading their venting in between the cubicles, it simply sends shivers down the spine.
So if you marry a lady who makes more money than you, has a better job or comes from a wealthy family, I assume you will agree to sign the Pre-nup her attorney puts together to protect her assets ?
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Old 10-14-2009, 11:46 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,845 posts, read 46,924,638 times
Reputation: 41063
home is underrated. the rat race money making saber tooth tiger killing 9 to 5 bull pitt is overrated.
the beautiful thing about the old style women is they had a real love of the home and a sharp eye on the kids. and they put up with far less from them. and that is all they were-- just kids--- not buddies not financial advisors or co parenting experts. we had less but we were better people. and daddy backed up mommy.
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Old 10-15-2009, 02:44 AM
 
Location: California
25,486 posts, read 16,813,372 times
Reputation: 17898
I've been financially dependent on my husband for 20 years but I have always handled the finances. I maintaned the house, raised the kids, went to college and got involved in community service. The biggest negative is that I have no current work experience so finding a job is proving difficult. But apparently it's proving difficult for everyone.

I may not be a breadwinner but I have everything else going for me.
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:12 AM
 
1,072 posts, read 1,596,606 times
Reputation: 492
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
I've been financially dependent on my husband for 20 years but I have always handled the finances. I maintaned the house, raised the kids, went to college and got involved in community service. The biggest negative is that I have no current work experience so finding a job is proving difficult. But apparently it's proving difficult for everyone.

I may not be a breadwinner but I have everything else going for me.
Agree with you, Ceece. Stay at home spouses can make a huge contribution in the marriage by managing the household. What you've said above is truly the best example of such.

However, I'm seeing lately that, with this wave of recession, spouses that have been laid off (and therefore not used to being a stay at home spouses) feel like they're "in denial" about their current roles as a stay at home spouses. So, instead of doing what you do (as your role of stay at home wife/ Mom), alot of these "used to be working spouses" mope around and not lift a finger around the house. I've seen recently-unemployed men in my area that cause alot of griefs to their wives, because these unemployed men don't do a thing around the house (because they're used to having their wives do the "chores") but play with the kids. They don't cook, but feed the kids pizzas and fast foods; they stack dirty dishes on top of more dirty dishes, and laundry keeps piling up -- thus, the wives, after work, end up coming home to a dirty home with more things they have to do around the house (even though they're tired from their jobs). Sad, isnt' it?
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,023 posts, read 14,225,569 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
I've been financially dependent on my husband for 20 years but I have always handled the finances. I maintaned the house, raised the kids, went to college and got involved in community service. The biggest negative is that I have no current work experience so finding a job is proving difficult. But apparently it's proving difficult for everyone.

I may not be a breadwinner but I have everything else going for me.


Pretty much my mom there. She ran the house entirely, too. It's easier this way. I was able to get all the money I wanted, and I didn't have to put up with Mr. Strict
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:38 AM
 
18,102 posts, read 17,359,194 times
Reputation: 17980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
As an independent woman it's just your nature. If you've worked for most of your life it's what you are accustomed to, and it's very difficult to "change your spots" if that's who and what you are. You have a sense of pride and it's not easy for someone like you to sit back and be taken care of if you feel as though you have to (a) depend on someone else for basic survival and (b) you don't feel as though you are contributing. Part of it stems from fear and part of it is just your work ethic that you've been raised with.
What he^^ said.

I'd feel the same way. I just don't know if I could do it. I've been supporting myself for so long, it's a scary scary prospect to jump off a cliff hoping that the mattress at the bottom is in the right place. I was the main breadwinner thoughout my marriage, and though it didn't bother me, it definitely bothered him. I think men and women struggle with this - not all, but many.

I don't see it a problem however, as long as you both are secure in your relationship and have discussed all the options and possible refractions. Enjoy it!!
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
11,293 posts, read 11,202,751 times
Reputation: 11362
Quote:
the beautiful thing about the old style women is they had a real love of the home and a sharp eye on the kids. and they put up with far less from them.
Things arent always as they seem. Many of these women loved the home so much they were addicted to valium (mothers little helper) or closet alcoholics.
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