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Old 10-15-2009, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 2,521,763 times
Reputation: 800
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
My daughter is 14 years old. I tell her all the time (without harping) that she needs to make her own way in the world. After all, even if she married a heart surgeon, any number of things could happen where she needs to make a living.

That's what I say to my girlfriend- I want to take care of you, but I don't want you to think that means you passively sit and let me do it all. Even if she eventually will stop working, She still has to make sure that should circumstances change, she can make a living.
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 2,521,763 times
Reputation: 800
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I have had years of my life where I have been completely dependent on my husband financially, especially as a young stay at home mom, but even later for other reasons. But I had NO PROBLEM with this. He may have taken care of me financially, but I took care of him emotionally, sexually and physically A good marriage is made up of teamwork!
Agree here too.

Just like he wants to take care of her, he has to allow it, but she should have a plan B.
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Old 10-15-2009, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Philly
1,776 posts, read 2,521,763 times
Reputation: 800
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I agree 100%. At the same time, that doesn't mean a woman should not, if worst comes to worst, have the education and training to support herself or her family.
Yup
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Old 10-15-2009, 11:09 AM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,128,536 times
Reputation: 3141
I thought I'd always be working full time and did for many years before starting my own business. Then my life changed w/ a divorce and dividing up the assets. In my late 30's I remarried and had a child. I had fully intended to go back to full time work, but after 3 mths w/ the baby, I couldn't give her to somone else to raise. Dh was very supportive of my decision. I may have depended on him financially, but like someone else stated, he depended on me too. I took care of all the home obligations so that he could come home from work and relax. As my dd grew, I did end up working p/t and started a business out of my house. I do the bills, housework and yardwork. I don't want dh to have to come home and continue working. When he gets home, it's our time together. We make a great team.
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Old 10-15-2009, 05:12 PM
 
214 posts, read 446,729 times
Reputation: 209
Personally, I think I would love staying home if that were an option for me but in your situation, I would be uncomfortable with it. There is a difference between making the choice to stay home rather than join the workforce and staying home because you can't find a job. Even though you are at home in both situations, unemployment is not the same as being a SAHW/M. For those who choose to stay home, running the home is their full-time job. Those who are unemployed have two jobs because they generally have to take care of the home but they are still looking for work as well. Very different mindsets for very different situations that simply look similiar.

I hope you can relax and enjoy the time with your family but since you want a job, I also hope you find one soon!
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Old 10-15-2009, 05:24 PM
 
691 posts, read 1,337,733 times
Reputation: 727
Once, I was "financially" dependent on a man, when I was home with my baby, I had to "ask" for money. That was so demeaning to me. I never did that again. I have worked full time since then.
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Old 10-17-2009, 05:19 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,796,099 times
Reputation: 7873
Quote:
Originally Posted by pers View Post
Personally, I think I would love staying home if that were an option for me but in your situation, I would be uncomfortable with it. There is a difference between making the choice to stay home rather than join the workforce and staying home because you can't find a job. Even though you are at home in both situations, unemployment is not the same as being a SAHW/M. For those who choose to stay home, running the home is their full-time job. Those who are unemployed have two jobs because they generally have to take care of the home but they are still looking for work as well. Very different mindsets for very different situations that simply look similiar.

I hope you can relax and enjoy the time with your family but since you want a job, I also hope you find one soon!
You know what? You are right. Staying home wasn't my first choice, I'm trying to make the best of it, but I'm still looking for work, frustrated...
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Old 10-17-2009, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
7,853 posts, read 13,741,117 times
Reputation: 9384
I've never been financially dependent on a man. Can't even imagine what that would be like. I have always contributed MORE than my fair share.

I'd like to have the option to try this being supported thing some day. Maybe I wouldn't even quit work. Just use what I made for savings, vacation, fun stuff.
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Old 10-18-2009, 05:32 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,385 posts, read 1,855,690 times
Reputation: 1298
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
No, this is not another "is she a gold-digger" thread.

I wanted to know if there are any other women here who at some point in their lives were completely dependant on their husbands/partners financially.
Eversince I was a teenager in high school, I always worked. Sometimes even 2-3 jobs at a time. I've been with my husband for 10 years and most of the time I had a job. I took some time off when my son was born, but even then I knew that before I know it I will be back in a work force. Yeah, we have a joint bank account and money were never an issue with us.
Now, we have moved to a new state and he is the only one working. With bad economy, I still find myself unemployed. He has zero problem with being the only one working for now. He tells me to just relax and enjoy my time off. Something along the line: you worked for so many years, just enjoy this time, stay home for awhile.
I find myself in an unfamiliar territory. Why am I so uncomfortable being dependant so much on my husband making money? Why can't I put myself into a frame of mind of a traditional woman and just be a housewife for awhile? Why do I have to have that freedom and independence?

There probably will be women rolling my eyes reading my post like: "i wish i had your problems, I have to hunt for myself and my family". Yes, I completely understand that I should be grateful and I have it good, but I really am struggling now emotionally. Hopefully I will get a job soon, but I just wanted to hear if someone else can share their experience.
Hey Mama! I am in the same boat, and went through the SAME EXACT emotional roller coaster.....if you need to chat PM me and I'll give you my e-mail address.

I have always worked, always had my own car, did my upkeep, always made sure I made enough to afford the rent + bills by myself in the event husband lost his job....on and on.

I got sick in March and decided to leave my job. When I got the illness straightened out for the most part, I failed to find a job, and now my car is totaled so I don't have that anymore.

I have no car, no insurance, no job, no income...husband is 100% fully supporting me. And he said the same thing, "just relax, take care of the house, take care of yourself, and let me take care of everything else." I was like WTF is this?

How the hell do I do this? I would feel guilty if I bought myself something at the store b/c I'm not "contributing" to the income flow. I mulled over everything, and often found myself pacing my living room or cleaning the bathroom twice in one day.

My mother was a housewife for 50 years. She made it look like a full time job with benefits, and she taught me how to do this.

She made her schedule, just like a work schedule. She would fill out a "todo" list each week, and change it up. She would plan out meals ahead of time, and she called that her "chef time". She took a lunch break each day at 11:00 am (since her day started at 5 am, her choice) and she "clocked out" when my dad put his supper plates in the sink. That's when us 6 kids took over dish washing for the night, every night.

She officially retired when I left home for college, being the last of 6 kids, she was able to retire and she even collected her pension! My dad had put money in a savings account for years just for her "retirement" so she could do what she wanted with it. She started with buying a mustang convertible.

She had side jobs she took while working as a housewife, she took cake decorating and made all the wedding cakes for her 6 kids, sometimes made 2-3 for each wedding they had. She also took beauty school class and got her license to cut all our hair and charged neighbors too. She said, "I took classes and courses to better my career as a housewife." My dad paid her a weekly paycheck into her private account for her clothes and toys, and upkeep. He made really good money so this style worked out for them perfectly.

As for me, we're still struggling without my income, but.....I enrolled in online college and graduate with my first bachelor's degree July 2010. That keeps me busy in between laundry and dog walking--we don't have any kids. It will be my turn to draw the income soon, hopefully this economy changes or turns around to be more jobs for all....but until then, pick up hobbies like writing, reading, etc.

Make a list of all the things you've always wanted to try, do, or accomplish and begin to check them off. I have finally watched for the first time The Graduate....a movie made in 1967 I never found the time to watch. Netflix is great.
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Old 10-18-2009, 08:43 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,796,099 times
Reputation: 7873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katlakat View Post
Hey Mama! I am in the same boat, and went through the SAME EXACT emotional roller coaster.....if you need to chat PM me and I'll give you my e-mail address.

I have always worked, always had my own car, did my upkeep, always made sure I made enough to afford the rent + bills by myself in the event husband lost his job....on and on.

I got sick in March and decided to leave my job. When I got the illness straightened out for the most part, I failed to find a job, and now my car is totaled so I don't have that anymore.

I have no car, no insurance, no job, no income...husband is 100% fully supporting me. And he said the same thing, "just relax, take care of the house, take care of yourself, and let me take care of everything else." I was like WTF is this?

How the hell do I do this? I would feel guilty if I bought myself something at the store b/c I'm not "contributing" to the income flow. I mulled over everything, and often found myself pacing my living room or cleaning the bathroom twice in one day.

My mother was a housewife for 50 years. She made it look like a full time job with benefits, and she taught me how to do this.

She made her schedule, just like a work schedule. She would fill out a "todo" list each week, and change it up. She would plan out meals ahead of time, and she called that her "chef time". She took a lunch break each day at 11:00 am (since her day started at 5 am, her choice) and she "clocked out" when my dad put his supper plates in the sink. That's when us 6 kids took over dish washing for the night, every night.

She officially retired when I left home for college, being the last of 6 kids, she was able to retire and she even collected her pension! My dad had put money in a savings account for years just for her "retirement" so she could do what she wanted with it. She started with buying a mustang convertible.

She had side jobs she took while working as a housewife, she took cake decorating and made all the wedding cakes for her 6 kids, sometimes made 2-3 for each wedding they had. She also took beauty school class and got her license to cut all our hair and charged neighbors too. She said, "I took classes and courses to better my career as a housewife." My dad paid her a weekly paycheck into her private account for her clothes and toys, and upkeep. He made really good money so this style worked out for them perfectly.

As for me, we're still struggling without my income, but.....I enrolled in online college and graduate with my first bachelor's degree July 2010. That keeps me busy in between laundry and dog walking--we don't have any kids. It will be my turn to draw the income soon, hopefully this economy changes or turns around to be more jobs for all....but until then, pick up hobbies like writing, reading, etc.

Make a list of all the things you've always wanted to try, do, or accomplish and begin to check them off. I have finally watched for the first time The Graduate....a movie made in 1967 I never found the time to watch. Netflix is great.
You are so funny. Thank you for sharing, I think I might as well PM you soon. I'm thinking about going back to school actually as well. Maybe get my Masters in something.
Let's pray for a better and more stable economy and more $$$$$$$$$$$$$.
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