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No, this is not another "is she a gold-digger" thread.
I wanted to know if there are any other women here who at some point in their lives were completely dependant on their husbands/partners financially.
Eversince I was a teenager in high school, I always worked. Sometimes even 2-3 jobs at a time. I've been with my husband for 10 years and most of the time I had a job. I took some time off when my son was born, but even then I knew that before I know it I will be back in a work force. Yeah, we have a joint bank account and money were never an issue with us.
Now, we have moved to a new state and he is the only one working. With bad economy, I still find myself unemployed. He has zero problem with being the only one working for now. He tells me to just relax and enjoy my time off. Something along the line: you worked for so many years, just enjoy this time, stay home for awhile.
I find myself in an unfamiliar territory. Why am I so uncomfortable being dependant so much on my husband making money? Why can't I put myself into a frame of mind of a traditional woman and just be a housewife for awhile? Why do I have to have that freedom and independence?
There probably will be women rolling my eyes reading my post like: "i wish i had your problems, I have to hunt for myself and my family". Yes, I completely understand that I should be grateful and I have it good, but I really am struggling now emotionally. Hopefully I will get a job soon, but I just wanted to hear if someone else can share their experience.
As an independent woman it's just your nature. If you've worked for most of your life it's what you are accustomed to, and it's very difficult to "change your spots" if that's who and what you are. You have a sense of pride and it's not easy for someone like you to sit back and be taken care of if you feel as though you have to (a) depend on someone else for basic survival and (b) you don't feel as though you are contributing. Part of it stems from fear and part of it is just your work ethic that you've been raised with. Don't fight it, but at the same time, accept it under the terms of your new life right now. You have the rest of your life to work if you want, so consider this some down time. Use it for something else you may have put off while you were working outside the home.
Oh, didn't mean to make broad assumptions about you in the way I worded my post, it's just something I gathered and observed from reading some of your posts.
I can understand how you feel. I have always worked and been financially independant and although It would be great to not have to work for once in my life, it would be really scary to suddenly be totally dependant on someone else. I dont know that I could be at ease in that situation.
Is it any different for men or women? When you're 50/50 with your partner, and you're comfortable with that arrangement, I imagine it would be stressful to feel like you were no longer bringing your 50% to the table.
As an independent woman it's just your nature. If you've worked for most of your life it's what you are accustomed to, and it's very difficult to "change your spots" if that's who and what you are. You have a sense of pride and it's not easy for someone like you to sit back and be taken care of if you feel as though you have to (a) depend on someone else for basic survival and (b) you don't feel as though you are contributing. Part of it stems from fear and part of it is just your work ethic that you've been raised with. Don't fight it, but at the same time, accept it under the terms of your new life right now. You have the rest of your life to work if you want, so consider this some down time. Use it for something else you may have put off while you were working outside the home.
Oh, didn't mean to make broad assumptions about you in the way I worded my post, it's just something I gathered and observed from reading some of your posts.
I think your assumptions were right on. I hate not being able to contribute. I also like being around people, I like the whole "getting a cup of coffee, showing up at the office, getting work done, getting a paycheck". That's probably why I find myself here so much, so I can socialize. Especially in a new state, I'm lacking social support.
Thanks for your input.
I can understand how you feel. I have always worked and been financially independant and although It would be great to not have to work for once in my life, it would be really scary to suddenly be totally dependant on someone else. I dont know that I could be at ease in that situation.
Thanks for understanding, "not being at ease" is exactly the right away to describe how I feel.
You know, I have girlfriends who haven't worked for years, since they got married. This is the lifestyle they chose for themselves and I respect that, but I always wondered how they don't have fear of putting their lives into someone else's hands.
Actually, I think men may feel worse about that type of situation. My bf has been layed off and unable to find steady work. It is really eating at him that I am having to pick up the slack until he gets back to work.
No, this is not another "is she a gold-digger" thread.
I wanted to know if there are any other women here who at some point in their lives were completely dependant on their husbands/partners financially.
Eversince I was a teenager in high school, I always worked. Sometimes even 2-3 jobs at a time. I've been with my husband for 10 years and most of the time I had a job. I took some time off when my son was born, but even then I knew that before I know it I will be back in a work force. Yeah, we have a joint bank account and money were never an issue with us.
Now, we have moved to a new state and he is the only one working. With bad economy, I still find myself unemployed. He has zero problem with being the only one working for now. He tells me to just relax and enjoy my time off. Something along the line: you worked for so many years, just enjoy this time, stay home for awhile.
I find myself in an unfamiliar territory. Why am I so uncomfortable being dependant so much on my husband making money? Why can't I put myself into a frame of mind of a traditional woman and just be a housewife for awhile? Why do I have to have that freedom and independence?
There probably will be women rolling my eyes reading my post like: "i wish i had your problems, I have to hunt for myself and my family". Yes, I completely understand that I should be grateful and I have it good, but I really am struggling now emotionally. Hopefully I will get a job soon, but I just wanted to hear if someone else can share their experience.
Hi max's mama,
The big problem is trust. This was especially a problem during the time when men would divorce their wives and leave them with nothing. I do try to tell men that many women were left in a lurch and its asking a lot to ask them to drop it. A woman who does needs to marry carefully.
So it probably is more about you. I don't mind if my wife enjoys life as much as she can chasing around the little ones. On a day off I enjoyed seeing what it was like with her friend. I remember those days as a toddler with my mother.I would even like to trade places but unfortunately my earning power is higher. I would make a great home maker though. I cook from scratch, grow a garden, can, dry, forage, and I am frugal, you name it. My crab apple jelly is highly praised.
I also never understand why women equate career with intelligence. It is simply wise to keep your income. It actually makes you stupid. Careers are specializations allowing one to reap the benefits of the division of labor. It was interesting to read it twice. Once from Adam Smith and another time in Guns. Germs and Steel. The author of the latter found the people of New Guinea far more intelligent and alert. That is why I tend to see us as rather dull in industrialized societies. The lean animal instincts wane. I see zombied people with their ipods and cell phones going back and forth to work. It is no breeding ground for intelligence. I see it very differently even as I work in the temple towers of Unix.
I read about the Gothic destruction of The Temple of Artemis on the train ride home yesterday. When I got off the train, I immediately went to my V. Prunafolia forage which will make a nice prune banana flavored puree. I didn't learn that at work. I leaned it from Samuel Thayer. They pay me for what I already know.
It is with no small sense of irony that Rome had become far to soft and civilized to face the Goths.
Is it any different for men or women? When you're 50/50 with your partner, and you're comfortable with that arrangement, I imagine it would be stressful to feel like you were no longer bringing your 50% to the table.
I think a man would feel uncomfortable in this situation as well.
I used to think I would always want to work, but now I would love to stay home and keep house, maybe with a little part-time work on the side. Some people change. I used to be very career driven; I worked long hours, sometimes all night, and weekends too. That life doesn't interest me anymore.
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