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What do you do if you are married to someone who is content to watch TV from 4 pm til bedtime everyday. And all weekend...
Job hunting hasn't been successful because he is only 1/2 way looking.
I know he is depressed but when does a wife quit trying to cheer
a husband up..never helps anyway...
If I suggest things to go do he always has reasons why it isn't a good time.
We haven't used the boat all summer because it was too hot..
now it is too cold...
I used to sit in the TV room with him just to be together but I can't
anymore..my brain is turning to mush...
I would love for someone who is like my husband to tell me what
I should do...
I am tired and could really use his help ...
Somebody who's like him is probably not going to be of much help!
Kidding aside, your husband is obviously suffering from depression which is why he's become a TV couch potato and is only half way looking for a job. Depression is a real illness and endemic these days with so many people laid off in this depression. Self esteem and self-worth go down the tubes and he feels as though he's stuck in a rut and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
He needs professional help. If you don't have health insurance for a private physician then get him to a community clinic asap for evaluation. If he baulks at going, take away the TV remote control, unplug the TV and - last resort - take the TV away period and stash it somewhere! He can get it back only if ...
As much as I have a problem with the pharmaceutical companies advertising their "feel good" products, when someone such as your husband is unable to deal with adversity, a carefully monitored course of anti-depressants can make a world of difference.
I agree about depression. Sometimes when people are afraid of failure, they quit trying. It can be very scary to try absolutely as hard as you can and STILL fail, because what are you supposed to do then? So they hide.
You can't help someone that don't want to help themself. My boyfriend went through the same thing for months and all I could was sit there and watch. Nothing you say will get them moving unless a situation happens where your about to lose something. Its hard for everyone and I wish you both the best and hang in there.
How long has he been unemployed? Was he a hard working man with a decent job/career? Unemployment is tough on men. Many men (and perhaps becoming more common these days - women) will identify themselves with their work.
Picture this scenario:
Work 8 hours or more, 5 days a week, and figure you've never been out of a job for years. Then life does what it does from time-to-time and you're unemployed. You sit at home and brew over it. Your wife and family depend on you and you were always able to but now you can't provide. You can't face the wife or the family because you're afraid of the look of pity because you have no job, the look of wonder about what you are going to do, and the look of worry because they don't know what is going to happen.
You try to escape their eyes but you know you're going no where because leaving would make the situation worse. And you can't go to friends because they're working or with their families. And you can't go to your relatives for the same reason you can't go to your friends. Besides, your family needs you to be here.
You go out and look for work but the economy is tough. No one is hiring and the competition is heavy. You come home empty-handed.
So you sit down and do the one thing that allows you to temporarily stop - you watch TV. It submits no questions and demand no answers. Perhaps you're not really watching it. It is on, but you're not. You're staring blankly at it. You're thinking of what is happening and thinking of tomorrow...
I say be kind to your husband. He is probably at his lowest low and at his weakest moment. He needs your help but probably doesn't know how to ask for it or ashamed to do so under the circumstances. Be there for him. Watch TV with him for an hour or so and then go do something else. Offer words of encouragement but don't belabor the point. Give him a hug. A man's heart can be lifted by the simplest of things.
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