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I don't have much patience for flaky people. If someone says they will do something but doesn't, and repeats this behavior, eventually I just ignore them. You can't make someone text, email, or call you. If they really want to they will.
I agree with you, if someone says they'll do something and doesn't I lose respect. Once the respect is gone it's over.
I must be one of the most reliable people I know so I just don't understand flaky behavior and how to react or not react to it. This kind of behavior is very common when first meeting someone online or offline for possible dating.
For example I chat online for a couple hours 2 nights in a row with a woman online. She initiates chat and asks about meeting up.
She could be a flake, but there is another explanation.
This is common because some people prefer to get to know you for a bit before meeting. Also, you are not a priority when you are a stranger; they will fit you in behind their other obligations. A couple of hours, two nights in a row really isn't a lot of time. Asking about meeting doesn't mean it's going to happen right away.
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We exchange numbers and the next day I send her a text late morning after I know she is up saying "good morning" and then ask about the activity she had planned for the day. I think that I am just being friendly and figure she wants that if she gives me her number. So I didn't get a response all day and that was 12 hours.
.......But I was online late last night and she sent me a message that she slept really late so didn't get the message till later. We chat briefly and she says she will talk to me tomorrow.
You didn't know she was up, obviously. You figured she wanted what you thought she wanted, but you don't know that. It's a reasonable deduction, regardless, you don't know anything for sure. Don't assume that others think like you do.
She did contact you to tell you what happened; it may or may not be true. But it also looks like you are expecting things to happen right away.
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We had talked online about doing something today, but I feel like if she really wanted to, then she would have made specific plans ahead of time.
She didn't make specific plans, so it's obvious she didn't want to. Is that a dealbreaker, after a couple of hours of online chat and half a day of her not getting back to you? Did she actually ask about meeting "today" or did she just ask about meeting?
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I've been dating a while, so I know that she is keeping her schedule open and trying to fit in the best person. That is why she didnt respond to my text and that is why she is vague about setting plans.
Again, assumptions. You don't know much of anything after a couple of hours of online chat.
In the dating scene, online or off, one SHOULD take their time and "fit in" the best person. She may have woken up late with day to day obligations to tend to before calling you back. She may not have any intention of meeting you until she is ready. Again, she may be a flake, but you don't have enough information to say that for sure or dismiss the other possibilities.
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So should I just blow her off?
If you have a habit of thinking the worst with a list of reactions and responses you think you should be getting, you shouldn't bother at all. JMHO.
Me and the wife have several very flaky friends. We find the best thing to do is to make them repeat back their commitment, word for word. Follow-up for them. Call them to remind them it's time to get ready. And if we are the hosts, we lie about the start time so that their typical one hour late becomes on-time.
I don't think it's worth it, but the wife likes them, so she accommodates.
I understand the occasional missed punctuality and emergency, especially with kids involved, but habitual, chronic flakiness just isn't worth it to me. Go find someone else to be flaky with.
No way would I be making the effort to keep following up with people. They are adults. If they can't be reliable and respect your time then goodbye.
Let them make some set plans that they are really looking forward too, and that u agreed to be part of,then call them a couple of days before the event and come up with excuses why you need to cancel. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Hopefully they will get the message,and if they don't, detach from them and make new friends. They are not worth the aggregation.
I must be one of the most reliable people I know so I just don't understand flaky behavior and how to react or not react to it. This kind of behavior is very common when first meeting someone online or offline for possible dating.
For example I chat online for a couple hours 2 nights in a row with a woman online. She initiates chat and asks about meeting up. We exchange numbers and the next day I send her a text late morning after I know she is up saying "good morning" and then ask about the activity she had planned for the day. I think that I am just being friendly and figure she wants that if she gives me her number. So I didn't get a response all day and that was 12 hours. I stopped checking up on people and don't call or text again if they don't respond. But I was online late last night and she sent me a message that she slept really late so didn't get the message till later. We chat briefly and she says she will talk to me tomorrow. We had talked online about doing something today, but I feel like if she really wanted to, then she would have made specific plans ahead of time. I've been dating a while, so I know that she is keeping her schedule open and trying to fit in the best person. That is why she didnt respond to my text and that is why she is vague about setting plans. So should I just blow her off?
yes. i just pulled the plug on a similar situation. if the person can't work you into their schedule then they have no biz dating period more or less you. why wait around for someone who is not going to make a commitment to make themselves available.
Me and the wife have several very flaky friends. We find the best thing to do is to make them repeat back their commitment, word for word. Follow-up for them. Call them to remind them it's time to get ready. And if we are the hosts, we lie about the start time so that their typical one hour late becomes on-time.
I don't think it's worth it, but the wife likes them, so she accommodates.
I understand the occasional missed punctuality and emergency, especially with kids involved, but habitual, chronic flakiness just isn't worth it to me. Go find someone else to be flaky with.
They're just not into both of you. LOL.
OP, why don't YOU set the date/time/place yourself? you say she's flaky when you can set specific time/place yourself and ask if she agrees. Now if she agreed and didn't show up, that's not just her being flaky but she's also being a douche.
but for now i don't see anything wrong with her. Like me when i talk to a guy and we agreed to meet for first time. I tell them that i only meet in mall near me and just tell the guy that if he is ok with the location then he just tell me when he wants to meet.
For me, i wait for the guy to set the time and day. why can't u do the same? and not whine here that she's flaky when you should be setting the time and day yourself and you both agree on it. not rocket science, dude.
Last edited by msvalentine; 12-20-2012 at 06:34 AM..
I've learned several things in life as it pertains to women under 35 without children. One is that if it float flies or ... ,you're better off renting. The other is that the peer valuation of the physical attributes of an under-30 female without children are inversely proportional to her flakyness. People are socially flaky in direct proportion to what level of social standing they feel they can attain in any given day on the looks department of their opposite sex peers. Which is why said behavior plummets the older these women get. It's just the way it is. If you're a hot under-35 w/o kids and happen to be of a grounded personality, you are then a highly sought-after commodity. That in itself may trigger flaky behavior , ironically.
I believe the only course of action in your scenario would be to minimize your time spent on it and if the opportunity presents itself, hit it and quit it. That's as much valuation as you're going to get from this particular circumstance. She's not into you. She probably will be when she turns 30, but at that point she's no longer in control so who cares about that hypothetical.
If said individual happens to be over 35, then she's clearly lost her mind; tell her eHarmony is accepting free profiles.....
I like this. It's too early to put to words (not enough coffee yet), but somewhere in there exists a law of economics. It's as if the overall social value of all humans is somehow equalized, "as if guided by an invisible hand".
I'm mid-forties, and pretty much don't deal with flakeyness. I don't let it get me mad or discouraged, I just find that there are enough dependable people out there that I don't deal with those who are not.
I must be one of the most reliable people I know so I just don't understand flaky behavior and how to react or not react to it. This kind of behavior is very common when first meeting someone online or offline for possible dating.
For example I chat online for a couple hours 2 nights in a row with a woman online. She initiates chat and asks about meeting up. We exchange numbers and the next day I send her a text late morning after I know she is up saying "good morning" and then ask about the activity she had planned for the day. I think that I am just being friendly and figure she wants that if she gives me her number. So I didn't get a response all day and that was 12 hours. I stopped checking up on people and don't call or text again if they don't respond. But I was online late last night and she sent me a message that she slept really late so didn't get the message till later. We chat briefly and she says she will talk to me tomorrow. We had talked online about doing something today, but I feel like if she really wanted to, then she would have made specific plans ahead of time. I've been dating a while, so I know that she is keeping her schedule open and trying to fit in the best person. That is why she didnt respond to my text and that is why she is vague about setting plans. So should I just blow her off?
Um....it's normal for online behavior. If you didn't know that, consider yourself informed. It's the nature of the beast. Nothing particularly wrong with it, but until you actually MEET someone and have MUTUALLY decided that you want to see each other, you got nuttin'. Stop thinking like you do.
She could be a flake, but there is another explanation.
This is common because some people prefer to get to know you for a bit before meeting. Also, you are not a priority when you are a stranger; they will fit you in behind their other obligations. A couple of hours, two nights in a row really isn't a lot of time. Asking about meeting doesn't mean it's going to happen right away.
You didn't know she was up, obviously. You figured she wanted what you thought she wanted, but you don't know that. It's a reasonable deduction, regardless, you don't know anything for sure. Don't assume that others think like you do.
She did contact you to tell you what happened; it may or may not be true. But it also looks like you are expecting things to happen right away.
She didn't make specific plans, so it's obvious she didn't want to. Is that a dealbreaker, after a couple of hours of online chat and half a day of her not getting back to you? Did she actually ask about meeting "today" or did she just ask about meeting?
Again, assumptions. You don't know much of anything after a couple of hours of online chat.
In the dating scene, online or off, one SHOULD take their time and "fit in" the best person. She may have woken up late with day to day obligations to tend to before calling you back. She may not have any intention of meeting you until she is ready. Again, she may be a flake, but you don't have enough information to say that for sure or dismiss the other possibilities.
If you have a habit of thinking the worst with a list of reactions and responses you think you should be getting, you shouldn't bother at all. JMHO.
I LIKE YOU. Never speaking in absolute is what I always go by. You broke it down!
I must be one of the most reliable people I know so I just don't understand flaky behavior and how to react or not react to it. This kind of behavior is very common when first meeting someone online or offline for possible dating.
For example I chat online for a couple hours 2 nights in a row with a woman online. She initiates chat and asks about meeting up. We exchange numbers and the next day I send her a text late morning after I know she is up saying "good morning" and then ask about the activity she had planned for the day. I think that I am just being friendly and figure she wants that if she gives me her number. So I didn't get a response all day and that was 12 hours. I stopped checking up on people and don't call or text again if they don't respond. But I was online late last night and she sent me a message that she slept really late so didn't get the message till later. We chat briefly and she says she will talk to me tomorrow. We had talked online about doing something today, but I feel like if she really wanted to, then she would have made specific plans ahead of time. I've been dating a while, so I know that she is keeping her schedule open and trying to fit in the best person. That is why she didnt respond to my text and that is why she is vague about setting plans. So should I just blow her off?
Yeah, move on is what I say. I say all of us who deal with these kinds of people should start moving on because these people obviously don't treat people the way they would want to be treated. They never think about the other person and the time it took to send messages or the effort it took to ty to make them laugh ect...Move on forward until you find someone who does do unto others...
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If you didn't know that, consider yourself informed. It's the nature of the beast. Nothing particularly wrong with it, but until you actually MEET someone and have MUTUALLY decided that you want to see each other, you got nuttin'. Stop thinking like you do.
