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Old 10-17-2009, 12:24 PM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,640,700 times
Reputation: 1384

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I must be one of the most reliable people I know so I just don't understand flaky behavior and how to react or not react to it. This kind of behavior is very common when first meeting someone online or offline for possible dating.

For example I chat online for a couple hours 2 nights in a row with a woman online. She initiates chat and asks about meeting up. We exchange numbers and the next day I send her a text late morning after I know she is up saying "good morning" and then ask about the activity she had planned for the day. I think that I am just being friendly and figure she wants that if she gives me her number. So I didn't get a response all day and that was 12 hours. I stopped checking up on people and don't call or text again if they don't respond. But I was online late last night and she sent me a message that she slept really late so didn't get the message till later. We chat briefly and she says she will talk to me tomorrow. We had talked online about doing something today, but I feel like if she really wanted to, then she would have made specific plans ahead of time. I've been dating a while, so I know that she is keeping her schedule open and trying to fit in the best person. That is why she didnt respond to my text and that is why she is vague about setting plans. So should I just blow her off?
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Old 10-17-2009, 12:27 PM
 
24,548 posts, read 14,885,946 times
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My head is spinning and signals and signs all over the place. Move on until you hear something more concrete from her then decide if it's worth the risk to your nerves.
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Old 10-17-2009, 12:40 PM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,640,700 times
Reputation: 1384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
My head is spinning and signals and signs all over the place. Move on until you hear something more concrete from her then decide if it's worth the risk to your nerves.
Me too. Here's my number..let's do this on Saturday...I'm not responding to your text...sorry I didn't respond to your text...let's talk tomorrow....LOL So...what do you want now? Are you on drugs?
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Old 10-17-2009, 12:41 PM
 
2,893 posts, read 3,579,021 times
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Me and the wife have several very flaky friends. We find the best thing to do is to make them repeat back their commitment, word for word. Follow-up for them. Call them to remind them it's time to get ready. And if we are the hosts, we lie about the start time so that their typical one hour late becomes on-time.

I don't think it's worth it, but the wife likes them, so she accommodates.

I understand the occasional missed punctuality and emergency, especially with kids involved, but habitual, chronic flakiness just isn't worth it to me. Go find someone else to be flaky with.
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Old 10-17-2009, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Incognito
6,995 posts, read 13,042,820 times
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It's time to be chatting with some other people, my feline counterpart.
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Old 10-17-2009, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
826 posts, read 898,212 times
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Just drop them. Your putting to much time and effort into someone that obviously doesn't give a dam about your time and keeping their word.

People show who they are the first time, so you should believe them. ...She's showing you she's a flake. Blow her off.
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:07 PM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,640,700 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunnnee View Post
Just drop them. Your putting to much time and effort into someone that obviously doesn't give a dam about your time and keeping their word.

People show who they are the first time, so you should believe them. ...She's showing you she's a flake. Blow her off.

Thanks...I agree. But almost everyone is flaky it seems when you first meet them. That's more of the issue. Do I let mild flaky behavior slide? If I am hard on mild flaky behavior then I will cut out almost everyone from my life. We never had set plans and she did contact me again...but I feel like I should just be less available now and see what she does. If she contacts me for set plans, like day, time and place, that might be ok. But I don't want to give her 2 hour chats so she can fill in her time where she has nothing better to do and no one better to talk to.
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:43 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,034 posts, read 22,440,041 times
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You've never met this woman in person. She's only an online chatting IM acquaintance, not a real friend. If she is this flaky so far, then she's not good real friend material either. You are just a diversion for her when she is bored online and with no one else to chat with. Block her online ID and move on. In the future, develop your friendships in person.

Being flaky suggests that she is a self centered and inconsiderate person in real life.
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:47 PM
 
1,557 posts, read 2,622,593 times
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I've learned several things in life as it pertains to women under 35 without children. One is that if it float flies or ... ,you're better off renting. The other is that the peer valuation of the physical attributes of an under-30 female without children are inversely proportional to her flakyness. People are socially flaky in direct proportion to what level of social standing they feel they can attain in any given day on the looks department of their opposite sex peers. Which is why said behavior plummets the older these women get. It's just the way it is. If you're a hot under-35 w/o kids and happen to be of a grounded personality, you are then a highly sought-after commodity. That in itself may trigger flaky behavior , ironically.

I believe the only course of action in your scenario would be to minimize your time spent on it and if the opportunity presents itself, hit it and quit it. That's as much valuation as you're going to get from this particular circumstance. She's not into you. She probably will be when she turns 30, but at that point she's no longer in control so who cares about that hypothetical.

If said individual happens to be over 35, then she's clearly lost her mind; tell her eHarmony is accepting free profiles.....
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Houston
302 posts, read 516,776 times
Reputation: 364
I deal with flaky behavior by not allowing myself to believe that person until they prove themselves. Usually, since they were never really making the effort to begin with, they either slip away or become an equal friend. It has worked both ways with me, and the ones that are still around, I love and adore. The ones that slipped away? Eh, don't really miss them.
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