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Old 10-17-2009, 02:38 PM
 
Location: lala land
1,581 posts, read 2,044,948 times
Reputation: 1062

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I recently started seeing this guy, but I decided to take a break due to the fact that we constantly fought and I felt he was trying to dominate me. I don't see myself as being dominant, but I don't have a submissive personality either. Ideally I would like to be in a relationship where there is equality and mutual respect.

This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with such major control issues. It seemed like any chance he had he would try to have the upper hand. It got to the point where I felt I was his opponent verus being his partner. I told him we needed a break, but I want to permanently end things with him now that I've had the time to reflect.

Has anyone ever dated someone like this? How long did it last, and why do you think people develop these domineering attitudes?
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Old 10-17-2009, 05:17 PM
Itz
 
692 posts, read 1,109,662 times
Reputation: 815
I think examples of this would be helpful... A time when you and him did x.... and this is how it worked out..
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Old 10-17-2009, 05:51 PM
 
Location: So Cal
8,817 posts, read 4,151,893 times
Reputation: 5799
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllAboutEve View Post
I recently started seeing this guy, but I decided to take a break due to the fact that we constantly fought and I felt he was trying to dominate me. I don't see myself as being dominant, but I don't have a submissive personality either. Ideally I would like to be in a relationship where there is equality and mutual respect.

This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with such major control issues. It seemed like any chance he had he would try to have the upper hand. It got to the point where I felt I was his opponent verus being his partner. I told him we needed a break, but I want to permanently end things with him now that I've had the time to reflect.

Has anyone ever dated someone like this? How long did it last, and why do you think people develop these domineering attitudes?
I don't know how old you are, but when I was in my late teens/early 20s, my boyfriend was pretty dominant (or tried to be). Well, I kinda don't like being dominated (keep it clean, folks ). I don't know how much this had to do with it, but he was Mexican and a lot of times, he felt that I should submit to him simply because I was the woman (girl).

We were constantly in a battle of wills, although it lasted for quite a few years. Well, we ended up breaking up over another reason, but I can see that it would never have worked out anyway. The funny thing is (well, maybe he wouldn't think so), I'm actually a lot more "submissive" in my relationship now. Not in a giving-over-control way, just that I'm a lot more easygoing now (okay, a little more ). And happier.

Anyway, without knowing the details of your relationship, I'm not trying to coach you (sounds like you've already made a decision anyway). Just giving you my feelings on my relationship. Good luck.
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Old 10-17-2009, 06:00 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 10,121,150 times
Reputation: 7891
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllAboutEve View Post
I recently started seeing this guy, but I decided to take a break due to the fact that we constantly fought and I felt he was trying to dominate me. I don't see myself as being dominant, but I don't have a submissive personality either. Ideally I would like to be in a relationship where there is equality and mutual respect.

This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with such major control issues. It seemed like any chance he had he would try to have the upper hand. It got to the point where I felt I was his opponent verus being his partner. I told him we needed a break, but I want to permanently end things with him now that I've had the time to reflect.

Has anyone ever dated someone like this? How long did it last, and why do you think people develop these domineering attitudes?
If you feel that he is already so controlling early on in a relationship, there is nothing good awaiting for you in the future. Run, don't walk.
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Old 10-17-2009, 06:11 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
6,751 posts, read 7,479,573 times
Reputation: 10874
Such a huge difference between dominance and controlling - they aren't even related. A dominant person doesn't have to TRY to get control, it is given to them or not; but it isn't taken. A person with control issues will actually get more controlling the less actual control s/he has. It usually doesn't make for a good long-term relationship unless you're willing to turn over control to someone who clearly (imo) doesn't have him/herself under control.
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Old 10-17-2009, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Pa
34,145 posts, read 20,370,270 times
Reputation: 18214
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllAboutEve View Post
I recently started seeing this guy, but I decided to take a break due to the fact that we constantly fought and I felt he was trying to dominate me. I don't see myself as being dominant, but I don't have a submissive personality either. Ideally I would like to be in a relationship where there is equality and mutual respect.

This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with such major control issues. It seemed like any chance he had he would try to have the upper hand. It got to the point where I felt I was his opponent verus being his partner. I told him we needed a break, but I want to permanently end things with him now that I've had the time to reflect.

Has anyone ever dated someone like this? How long did it last, and why do you think people develop these domineering attitudes?
I dated a man like this..mine was the age thing I was 22-he was 29. He told me what to do like I was his kid. I didn't need another father.
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Old 10-17-2009, 09:30 PM
 
Location: Houston
302 posts, read 516,560 times
Reputation: 364
I am the dominant person in my relationship. My boyfriend doesn't let me walk all over him, but rather he is just a more laid back person. I am dominant because I like to attempt to control my situations (not the people in them, but the situations themselves). I can't always do so, but I like to be prepared. I also have strong opinions, like to talk, and am outgoing. My boyfriend wants me to be happy. Since he is usually happy doing whatever, if I have a strong preference, I get what I want because it just doesn't matter to him. So as the dominant one, that is my side

For your situation, is this guy controlling, or dominant? Does he MAKE you do things using threats (verbal, body language, implied, etc)? Or is it more he likes to do things his way, but there isn't really a manipulative side to it?

Two dominant personalities are hard to work together. It CAN work, but you both have to be able to communicate well and understand the times when one person does need to be the alpha, so the other needs to step back. The person I work the closest with is also a dominant person, so we have to work it out. There are times that I need to just step back and let him do things his way...and he does the same for me.
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Old 10-17-2009, 09:37 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,385,244 times
Reputation: 6709
I've had friends that are that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AllAboutEve View Post
I recently started seeing this guy, but I decided to take a break due to the fact that we constantly fought and I felt he was trying to dominate me. I don't see myself as being dominant, but I don't have a submissive personality either. Ideally I would like to be in a relationship where there is equality and mutual respect.

This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with such major control issues. It seemed like any chance he had he would try to have the upper hand. It got to the point where I felt I was his opponent verus being his partner. I told him we needed a break, but I want to permanently end things with him now that I've had the time to reflect.

Has anyone ever dated someone like this? How long did it last, and why do you think people develop these domineering attitudes?
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Old 10-17-2009, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,814,416 times
Reputation: 22810
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andreams View Post
I am the dominant person in my relationship. My boyfriend doesn't let me walk all over him, but rather he is just a more laid back person. I am dominant because I like to attempt to control my situations (not the people in them, but the situations themselves). I can't always do so, but I like to be prepared. I also have strong opinions, like to talk, and am outgoing. My boyfriend wants me to be happy. Since he is usually happy doing whatever, if I have a strong preference, I get what I want because it just doesn't matter to him. So as the dominant one, that is my side
I've come to the conclusion that's the only option that can work for me long-term as well because I'm like you - certainly not a laid-back person.
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Old 10-17-2009, 10:04 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
22,478 posts, read 27,048,543 times
Reputation: 23029
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllAboutEve View Post
I recently started seeing this guy, but I decided to take a break due to the fact that we constantly fought and I felt he was trying to dominate me. I don't see myself as being dominant, but I don't have a submissive personality either. Ideally I would like to be in a relationship where there is equality and mutual respect.

This is the first time I have ever dated anyone with such major control issues. It seemed like any chance he had he would try to have the upper hand. It got to the point where I felt I was his opponent verus being his partner. I told him we needed a break, but I want to permanently end things with him now that I've had the time to reflect.

Has anyone ever dated someone like this? How long did it last, and why do you think people develop these domineering attitudes?
Are you a masochist? If you're not comfortable with it then for goodness' sake just put an end to it.

Those who continue to indulge themselves in relationships that simply don't work and contain components of mental and physical abuse are either masochists and enjoy the thrill or are so incredibly low on self esteem and self respect that they think they just can't do better.

You only recently started seeing him but you're already fighting? OUT!
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