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Old 10-23-2009, 03:44 AM
Doo Doo started this thread
 
5 posts, read 14,724 times
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Default Why do people just disappeared in a relationship or avoding giving a proper closure?

Some people find the need to have closure, while others who don't. To me having closure is not the same as letting go. Giving closure is about respecting the person you have once cared for. Ending a relationship in order to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. At the end of it you both come out being more clear on how you feel about the break up and whether it is a proper decision.

To me it's cruel not to give a proper closure especially when the other party requests it. I want to understand from the other side why a closure is not a good idea and how do they feel when the other party insists on a proper closure.
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Old 10-23-2009, 03:47 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
6,543 posts, read 6,532,501 times
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I think there are some things that will just never be understood and we all must strive to move on the best we can. Closure is wonderful, but sometimes you have to make your own closure because the other party is unable/unwilling to give it to you.
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Old 10-23-2009, 03:53 AM
 
Location: pittsburgh
913 posts, read 1,537,150 times
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cause people are too chicken $hit to face reality
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Old 10-23-2009, 06:39 AM
 
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Well, it depends on what you mean.

If somebody says, "You know, Susan, I like you. But I'm no longer interested in a romantic relationship with you," that's full and proper ending to matters. In fact, it is far kinder to the spurned person to do it that way than have this long, drawn-out enumeration of all the reasons for the relationship's failure.

If you insist on closure meaning a full-blown, heart-to-heart discussion of why the relationship went off the rails, then you're kidding yourself. It's not like a Lifetime movie where people eloquently talk about what went wrong. Sometimes they simply can't put their finger on it.

In that sense, closure is really a shallow concept, ginned up by the cottage industry of self-help authors and twelve-step programs. Life is made up of loose ends and gray areas, of uncertainty and ill-defined emotions. To expect certainty and absolute definition to all life's issues is expecting a great deal more of life than it can truly provide.
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Old 10-23-2009, 06:57 AM
 
3,628 posts, read 6,599,143 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Well, it depends on what you mean.

If somebody says, "You know, Susan, I like you. But I'm no longer interested in a romantic relationship with you," that's full and proper ending to matters. In fact, it is far kinder to the spurned person to do it that way than have this long, drawn-out enumeration of all the reasons for the relationship's failure.
It would be so nice if most people actually did this and not leave the other person hanging, but they usually don't because as bbrian12 said:
Quote:
cause people are too chicken $hit to face reality
I have a lot of issues with people I have known because of that.
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Old 10-23-2009, 08:45 AM
 
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Some people are cowards, plain and simple. I know, it's frustrating.
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Old 10-23-2009, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
826 posts, read 866,357 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cricket_factor View Post
Some people are cowards, plain and simple. I know, it's frustrating.
Couldn't of said that better myself. COWARDS.

People hate confrontation and will talk all this s--- to their friends about what they are going to do, but when it comes down to it, they would rather just dissappear then be man enough or woman enough to tell someone they want out.
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Old 10-23-2009, 02:33 PM
 
Location: The Jar
9,594 posts, read 5,169,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cricket_factor View Post
Some people are cowards, plain and simple. I know, it's frustrating.
Yup.
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Old 10-23-2009, 04:06 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,980 posts, read 18,217,618 times
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Closure is just a chick thing. Guys never ever ever say "I just need closure". Almost all of the time its the woman spouting off about "Oh, I just want him to give me some closure." or "I just need closure so I can move on.". No you dont, you just want to have the last word in just one final time which is probably why he left you in the first place.

Women, understand this - you cry closure closure closure all the time but you just need to "man up" and understand that its over. No one is required to give you this closure you speak of, and it is not rude, wrong, bad or cowardly of them if they dont. Be an adult. The relationship is over. Move on. Move the EFF on!!! Geez.
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Old 10-23-2009, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Pa
33,089 posts, read 18,977,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbrian12 View Post
cause people are too chicken $hit to face reality
I agree...had a few ex that did this to me...and they wonder why I am bitter towards them sometimes...unfortunely I don't hold grudges..can be a B*tch...but I have learned life is short...I always forgive.
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