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Old 11-02-2009, 05:54 PM
 
1,340 posts, read 1,616,136 times
Reputation: 715
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
No,it is not...morality is subjective.....This is about peoples feelings, this is not about your personal mandates/dogma.

I want to hear different opinions, not some1 on a soapbox.

Personally, I was surprised that many men seem to hide this from their spouse, and would like to hear from men in this situation...

I do not want to hear from the moral minority.Thats for a different forum and off topic.
Morality is subjective to you because you deny any and all reality/s not originating in your own mind.

Ditto for your definitions.
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Old 11-02-2009, 07:40 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
17,178 posts, read 15,225,887 times
Reputation: 15587
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
Wow no need to be rude; no one reads here; do MEN hide this from their spouse, how do they reconcile it? Do they eventually disclose it to their wives?, do they divorce? Or just play both sides?
We have a gay son and have been involved with the Gay / Bisexual community for the last 15 years. So I've been around quite a bit and seen many different situations.

I personally believe there are a lot of men who are truly Bi (not gay) who enjoy both sexes. Today it's kind of trendy for young ladies to have girl friends they are intimate with and it's perfectly acceptable for straight guys to fantasize about 2-3 women enjoying and playing with each other. Hey, we all love the feel and smell of a sexy women

Those same people cannot understand 2-3 guys playing together, it's just not something they comprehend. Bi-men are more in the closet then any group. The gay community is very vocal, swingers are everywhere and opening up, bi-women with girlfriends are hot but the Bi-male is still not understood or accepted by many.

I know several couples where one or both are Bi and they have a group of friends where they all date. Most of the women are understandable of their husbands desires.

Then you have the women who can't comprehend their husbands and yes their marriage will suffer.

For the record, Bi men are not Gay men. Gay men would never conceive of being with a woman. Many men have Bi-sexual tendencies they suppress and many times it comes out later in life.

Many Gay men and women have been married with Kids before they admit to themselves that they are gay. Many Bi people are the same. When you are young it is very difficult to come out as Bi or Gay male and society or family pressure causes them to deny who they are and many jump into a marriage because it is expected and they feel it will prove they are hetero. Many of these marriages end later in life.

So in short, Bi men or women have trouble in marriage only if their spouse does not understand their needs.

PS, What's the old saying.... Bi people have a 50% better chance of getting a date for Saturday night.
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Old 11-02-2009, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
7,527 posts, read 7,084,049 times
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I've had friends who were gay (all were guys) and some who swang both ways. And I swear, it was without a doubt the bisexuals who were the most confused and messed up.

A few led "swinger" lifestyles, which always led me to wonder what was the point. I'd rather be alone than share my house and bills with someone who just might present me with a disease one day. So . . . HE11, no!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-03-2009, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,334 posts, read 14,720,866 times
Reputation: 8380
Thumbs up thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin View Post
We have a gay son and have been involved with the Gay / Bisexual community for the last 15 years. So I've been around quite a bit and seen many different situations.

I personally believe there are a lot of men who are truly Bi (not gay) who enjoy both sexes. Today it's kind of trendy for young ladies to have girl friends they are intimate with and it's perfectly acceptable for straight guys to fantasize about 2-3 women enjoying and playing with each other. Hey, we all love the feel and smell of a sexy women

Those same people cannot understand 2-3 guys playing together, it's just not something they comprehend. Bi-men are more in the closet then any group. The gay community is very vocal, swingers are everywhere and opening up, bi-women with girlfriends are hot but the Bi-male is still not understood or accepted by many.

I know several couples where one or both are Bi and they have a group of friends where they all date. Most of the women are understandable of their husbands desires.

Then you have the women who can't comprehend their husbands and yes their marriage will suffer.

For the record, Bi men are not Gay men. Gay men would never conceive of being with a woman. Many men have Bi-sexual tendencies they suppress and many times it comes out later in life.

Many Gay men and women have been married with Kids before they admit to themselves that they are gay. Many Bi people are the same. When you are young it is very difficult to come out as Bi or Gay male and society or family pressure causes them to deny who they are and many jump into a marriage because it is expected and they feel it will prove they are hetero. Many of these marriages end later in life.

So in short, Bi men or women have trouble in marriage only if their spouse does not understand their needs.

PS, What's the old saying.... Bi people have a 50% better chance of getting a date for Saturday night.
Well said, and I too sensed this man was having confusion being closeted/bi; you explained this well...

To wingfoot, no two people are alike and morality Is not written in stone for every human being: no two humans think or feel alike, any psychologist can explain this to you.
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Old 11-03-2009, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Dayton, OH
1,225 posts, read 2,783,599 times
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Quote:
For the record, Bi men are not Gay men. Gay men would never conceive of being with a woman. Many men have Bi-sexual tendencies they suppress and many times it comes out later in life.
There is that "Kinsey Scale" of how gay or bisexual people are. So I can see men self-identifying as gay since that is the predominant orientation, while still being attracted to women. Usually you dont hear about this too much (and its rather un-PC to admit to this kind of attraction) and it's the "other way" that's better known (and occassionally makes the news), where men who are maybe more attracted to women having these gay flings or out there seeking anonymous sex.

I think the real issue here is not so much bi- , hetero- , or homo-sexuality as how faithfull one is to ones partner. Committed relationship should mean just that. Bi-sexuality could ruin a relationship if its acted on...where people cheat on their partner or spouse.
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Old 11-04-2009, 03:27 AM
 
Location: Desert Southwest
228 posts, read 742,927 times
Reputation: 357
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I'm gonna catch some some flack here, but I don't give a rip.

I don't believe in Bisexuality. IMHO those people are just confused.

Dice has a good line about it.

"You either suck d*** or you don't suck d***."
Ah yes...the old "bisexuals don't exist, they are just confused" comment. As a bisexual, I have heard that one many times before, from straight men and women, and gay men as well. When straight friends found out, the conversation was usually along the lines of:

"Oh, so you're gay."
"No, I'm bisexual."
"But you are attracted to guys and have/had sex with them, right?"
"Well, yes. But I'm also attracted to girls and have/had sex with them too."
"So you're gay."

With gay men it was:

"So when did you realize you were gay?"
"I'm not gay, I'm bi."
"Oh...well you're just confused then."
"Nope, not confused at all."
"Bisexuals don't exist, they are just repressed gay men afraid to come out, so when you realize what you really are, then we can talk."

For some reason, it seems that people, especially when it comes to other people's sexuality, can't see anything in terms other then black and white. Just because it's not a feeling or desire that they have ever experienced, a person being something other then strictly straight or strictly gay, must be a result of sexual confusion, child abuse, or a made up, B.S. excuse to justify abnormal behaviour. I've had to pretend to be gay when dating gay men so as not to offend their friends that were suspicious of anyone calling themselves "bisexual". At the same time, I've had to "play straight" around so-called friends because they didn't want anyone else to know they hung around with a "homo". When I finally realized that being myself was more important then trying to please others, I put all that behind me and ended up being much happier for it.

I have never concealed my sexuality from anyone that I have dated, male or female. I have been in long term relationships with men and women, and never once did I cheat on them, feel the urge to cheat, or give them reason to think that I was going to. I was married, to a woman, for five years. She knew I was bisexual from the outset, accepted it, and loved me regardless. Our marriage ended not because of my sexuality, or because I "needed" to be with another man, but for the same stupid reasons that other marriages end everyday.

Bisexuality can only ruin a marriage if the relationship that preceded it was based on a lie to start with. But that is true with any relationship, whether the issue is a person's sexuality or something else. Unfortunately, until people are willing to look beyond their own limited perspective and realize that not everything conforms to their world view, then there will continue to be cases were individuals feel they have no choice but to hide who and what they are from their friends, loved ones, and even themselves.
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:06 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,385 posts, read 1,771,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Monogamy and bisexuality are not mutually exclusive. It's absolutely possible for someone who is bisexual to be faithful to one person. Just because someone likes men and women, that doesn't make that person more promiscuous or untrustworthy than anyone else. Sure, a bisexual man might cheat on his wife with a man ... the same as a heterosexual man might cheat on his wife with a woman. Some people have integrity and some don't, that's all.
Agreed.

It can floor a person when a member of the same sex walks into your life and you feel a sexual attraction towards them. It may confuse you for years, even though you are happily and ecstatically married. It may even make you think you're gay for a long time, so confused about it all, and you may find yourself questioning things you never did before, making life even more complicated.

Then...one day...your DH finds you sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn watching "Showgirls" marathon and he says, "honey, is it possible that you're bisexual?" and you find you are looking at him like

If in your infinite wisdom that life was sailing smoothly by and this road block crops up, communication seems to smooth that road back. And if you are still curious, some DH's are open to you going out and exploring....and hopes you come back to find it was just a strange attraction, a door opening that has never opened before...to which you may have chosen to close without noticing.

And your DH could be mortified by it all to which you would have to deal with those emotions in another forum address called "Am I bi-curious?"

But like Julia said, its about integrity, respect, and choice. It can ruin your marriage if you let it, it can ruin your life if you let it, and it can be the best thing you ever tried before! Just depends on the couple married, the situation, and the rules.
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:19 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,132 posts, read 3,612,526 times
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ok if you have gay and straight people, it makes sense that some people are bi...but for a serious relationship, wouldn't they have to be with another bi? or maybe someone who's completely tolerant and then they'd need an open relationship where sex with multiple partners is accepted.
I don't see a bi just being with one sex all their lives because they're too attracted to both sexes.
I agree with the fact that many suppress it because of not wanting to ruin a marriage they're already in, out of guilt, out of feeling responsible to the person they're with; but it's not fair to stay hidden ....
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:21 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,385 posts, read 1,771,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodbyeCalifornia View Post
Unfortunately, until people are willing to look beyond their own limited perspective and realize that not everything conforms to their world view, then there will continue to be cases were individuals feel they have no choice but to hide who and what they are from their friends, loved ones, and even themselves.
Well said.

I offered up the notion that we are attracted to the energy from a person, not necessarily their gender....only to be bashed by every lesbian and homosexual male on the board with the line of, "Oh honey I am not CONFUSED about what gender gets me excited."

Totally not where I was going....I was looking for a deeper explanation why I was so sexually attracted and in love with my husband....yet a new co worker begins working in my department and I can't stop thinking about her.

I wanted to smell her, I wanted to hold her, I wanted to be near her. I was attracted to a woman! And hell yes it floored me, and confused me, for 20 years!

Did I approach her? never! I couldn't explain what was happening to me, so I hid it, and punished myself for feeling something "wrong" and "immoral" and "against nature". I punished my self. And my husband, God love him, allowed me to nurture it to show myself I wasn't "sick" or that anything was wrong with me. I didn't sleep with a woman, or anything like that...but I really allowed the thoughts of it come to me without being so scared of it....I wrote a few racy short stories, I joined a forum for Bi-sexuals, and basically tended to my own "therapy" until I could just plainly accept that I "could" be attracted to a woman if all the right chemicals were aligned with the stars. LOL

I feel 20 years of repression and hatred of myself cleansed away now that I can admit, "yeah, I might be in that black and white category" you call Bisexual....but I didn't hurt my husband, cheat on him, or demean him to accept this.

And ya I was confused for a long long, very long time. Don't knock things you haven't experienced....it's not like I planned as a little girl to get sexually aroused because of a long haired blond, beautiful young woman I worked with. When it happened to me...and I realized WHO was causing this panic and chaos in my body....it scared me so much I almost passed out.

Things happen you can't control...the beauty is trying to work out this strange thing called life, adjust to these experiences, and keep living your life as happy and healthy as you can.

Walk a mile........
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:15 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,132 posts, read 3,612,526 times
Reputation: 4295
exactly don't knock it till you have it happen to you...easier said than done tho...especially when it comes to the forbidden subject, meaning sex...we're still in the dark ages when it comes to that.
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