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i don't know if you're a man or a woman but all i can tell you is that i, a loner, am dealing for years with an extroverted drama queen at work who has come to me (as you describe you do with the loner you mention) in the same vein as you and she has the same 'prescription remedy" for me that she is going to "cure" me, change me and i do nothing but push her away. she has a hidden agenda, as do most people like this i have found from experience who are too extroverted and force themselves on others. the minute you start talking to them it's 'you know me now you owe me". like " i give you my time and friendship now you can do this x and y and z for me" when one never asked for their friendship in the first place
and they expect to be "paid back' for their 'efforts" that were never asked for in the first place
this is friendliness? c'mon now! this is sleuths just resenting the independence and intelligence of loners
i don't know if you're a man or a woman but all i can tell you is that i, a loner, am dealing for years with an extroverted drama queen at work who has come to me (as you describe you do with the loner you mention) in the same vein as you and she has the same 'prescription remedy" for me that she is going to "cure" me, change me and i do nothing but push her away. she has a hidden agenda, as do most people like this i have found from experience who are too extroverted and force themselves on others. the minute you start talking to them it's 'you know me now you owe me". like " i give you my time and friendship now you can do this x and y and z for me" when one never asked for their friendship in the first place
and they expect to be "paid back' for their 'efforts" that were never asked for in the first place
this is friendliness? c'mon now! this is sleuths just resenting the independence and intelligence of loners
Only somewhat true...not everyone is out there to make it a fair trade at a local market so to speak. Some people do "do things" from the goodness of their heart. Others like me rely on Karma...what goes around comes back around.
you aren't doing it for yourself but for him, i guess you know what you feel but in my situation with this drama queen, i get a sense of personal boundaries distortion. she believes she talks to me for me but i never asked her to talk to me for me or to cure me of my lonerism; i believe she's doing it for her and and that she has an ulterior motive in doing so. her mammerisms are forced and awkward like she has an ulterior motive, and her eye contact is too intense.
now maybe this drama queen is different from you but i'm just saying that people often mistake friendliness for justification to control somebody or to get something in return. and i don't like it one bit and can smell it a mile away
but that's the loner in me talking. we probably have a lower tolerance for this than extroverts
Look rlrl, I got you man. Seriously, you're going to laugh so f****** hard when you read what I am about to write. You're going to be like, oh wow, this dude has a waaaay high opinion of himself. It's been awhile since I've encountered an a** on this scale. But, here it is:
I used to be a loner .. like in elementary school, junior high some.. I used to be like, yeah, I'm a loner, I stand alone .. I'm an individual, non comformist .. don't tread on me punk! Then, I had an ephiphany (like freshman year of high school) and I realized I was the one being the jerk. All the popular kids were popular because they were *gasp* nice and considerate of others. So I was like, well ... I don't care about being popular (cause I'm a loner man), but I do want to be considerate to others' feelings. So I started forcing myself to express myself more.. and I started to compromise some on my precious ideals and dare I say, "conform" to others here and there .. you know, let them take the lead, let them set the tone ...
And I started to be a lot happier. I went from being kind of depressive to being kind of cheerful. And you know, I started to become more popular. People started seeking out my company. And at first it annoyed me .. cause I stand alone, bro! I don't have time for this! But, that considerate thing again .. I was like, no man, that's not cool .. this dude or chick wants to talk to me, so I'm going to be nice and talk back....
And that's how I became extraverted. So now when I see a lone rider, out there on the road, I do the cool head nod.. like, bro, I see you man. You stand alone. That's cool ... but I also make it a point to talk to them, so just in case they're not feeling as good as they can be, they know ... it's "ok" to ride in a pack. It doesn't mean you're a "sell out". It means you're a human .. and humans are social animals.
Sooo.. I basically consider myself God's apostle to the loners. Arrogant? Probably .. but there it is ... don't let me come to a cubicle near you, rlrl... you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what my angle is. You'll think I'm trying to get you to come to my church. (I'm not.) You'll think I'm trying to get some money off of you. (I'm not.) You'll think I'm trying to f*** your sister. (I'm not.) I'm just trying to communicate to you .. it's cool man .. you're cool .. we're all cool .. I like you're style. I'm here for you if need someone, ok?
That's what I do. It makes me happy to do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl
i don't know if you're a man or a woman but all i can tell you is that i, a loner, am dealing for years with an extroverted drama queen at work who has come to me (as you describe you do with the loner you mention) in the same vein as you and she has the same 'prescription remedy" for me that she is going to "cure" me, change me and i do nothing but push her away. she has a hidden agenda, as do most people like this i have found from experience who are too extroverted and force themselves on others. the minute you start talking to them it's 'you know me now you owe me". like " i give you my time and friendship now you can do this x and y and z for me" when one never asked for their friendship in the first place
and they expect to be "paid back' for their 'efforts" that were never asked for in the first place
this is friendliness? c'mon now! this is sleuths just resenting the independence and intelligence of loners
I am a loner type. I don't have alot of close friends but it's my choice. It's not like I don't get along with people. I think most people are idiots. I guess my thinking is alittle deeper than most.
I would like to enjoy things that some of the mainstream wouldn't. Like for instance, all the guys are going out on the town to do...oh whatever. We are walking down the street together and all of them are talking about really stupid stuff. Childish BS. I am admiring the designs on the ancient buildings as we walk down the street. I am looking at the stars in the sky that intrigue me. When they look back at me and I am in lala land they tend to shy away from inviting me to the "guys" night out. Which is fine with me.
Am I wrong?
You are you. Not wrong to know what you need, and like. I have the same situation. I am not into "hen chat" or church, or baby showers, weddings, Girls night out. I have a lot of friends, but I don't need to be in a cluster to be happy. The wrong people can waste our time.
Loners can be very responsible, organized, relaxed. I am more comfortable around loners (the non hostile types) than I am the guys who seem to be grabbing at a life preserver. (not mocking men who have had a difficult event to cope with). We are social creatures. We are held as babies, and we get used to people. However, life can hurt us so badly that we lose trust in people, and learn to watch out for ourselves. We don't hate people totally, we function better without someone riding our backs all the time. Many people take up with someone, only to find that they lost track of who they were.
I think people use the word loner way too interchangeably with 'weird', or 'mean'. There is a huge difference in being some weird abstract loner with his own superiority complex, who cant converse with people, or even be polite to people when spoken to...and someone who is perfectly kind and considerate of others, but just doesnt want the company of others. I realize that it might be easier to categorize both in the same way, but it is actually fairly inaccurate. There are social losers and then there are loners...but the two are not the same. Losers can be socialites or they can be loners. But one thing about it: people dont like the company of losers. However, in the case of loners, they (loners) typically dont like the company of people. The qualities that people ascribe to loners often are just the qualities of losers, and have very little to do with people who actually prefer to be alone.
I know as a loner, I have never thought that my ideals were superior to anyone elses. Im sure everyone else has a perfectly cogent set of ideals, but I have a set of ideals that work best for me. By the standards of some, this way of independent thinking is a form of nonconforming. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with nonconformity. However noncompliance with societal norms is a different and more pressing issue, because societal norms are in place for a reason..because they have proven to be beneficial to our existence. I think at a certain point, noncompliance with societal norms becomes a danger to others.
I tend to agree with rlrl on much of what he says. Most people are only polite in order to advance their own agenda, even if artificially. What's ironic is that most people, not all, who consider themselves extroverts, or advanced at socializing, are actually pretty bad at it if you really monitor their relationships closely. Many of their relationships/friendships are seasonal, lasting short periods of time. They are constantly arguing and fighting amongst their peers, and they backbite and backstab frequently. They talk behind one another's backs and plaster a superficial pleasant look on their face around people they cant even truly stand. They are nothing but 'serial loners' rather than chronic loners. That is: People who fail at sustaining longterm friendships and thus move from relationship to relationship to avoid lonesomeness. Sure they dont appear to be loners. And they typically wouldnt describe themselves as loners. But they are essentially serial loners.
I think people use the word loner way too interchangeably with 'weird', or 'mean'. There is a huge difference in being some weird abstract loner with his own superiority complex, who cant converse with people, or even be polite to people when spoken to...and someone who is perfectly kind and considerate of others, but just doesnt want the company of others. I realize that it might be easier to categorize both in the same way, but it is actually fairly inaccurate. There are social losers and then there are loners...but the two are not the same. Losers can be socialites or they can be loners. But one thing about it: people dont like the company of losers. However, in the case of loners, they (loners) typically dont like the company of people The qualities that people ascribe to loners often are just the qualities of losers, and have very little to do with people who actually prefer to be alone.
I know as a loner, I have never thought that my ideals were superior to anyone elses. Im sure everyone else has a perfectly succint set of ideals, but I have a set of ideals that work best for me. By the standards of some, this way of independent thinking is a form of nonconforming. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with nonconformity. However noncompliance with societal norms is a different and more pressing issue, because societal norms are in place for a reason..because they have proven to be beneficial to our existence.
I tend to agree with rlrl on much of what he says. Most people are only polite in order to advance their own agenda, even if artificially. What's ironic is that most people, not all, who consider themselves extroverts, or advanced at socializing, are actually pretty bad at it if you really monitor their relationships closely. Many of their relationships/friendships are seasonal, lasting short periods of time. They are constantly arguing and fighting amongst their peers, and they backbite and backstab frequently. They talk behind one another's backs and plaster a superficial pleasant look on their face around people they cant even truly stand. They are nothing but 'serial loners' rather than chronic loners. That is: People who fail at sustaining longterm friendships and thus move from relationship to relationship to avoid lonesomeness. Sure they dont appear to be loners. And they typically wouldnt describe themselves as loners. But they are essentially serial loners.
i thought you were a woman. you don't sound grandiose to me. you sound like someone who changed because you wanted to. i like outgoing people who are confident and don't have to resort to manipulation and bullying
Thanks man..btw..I dont advocate that being a loner is for everyone. I have ALWAYS said that: "If everyone were like me, nothing would get accomplished...everyone would remain in their own little world and, no one would initiate relationships with others except when absolutely necessary."...lol
So I dont think that being a loner is superior to being sociable. I think being a GOOD socializer is quite a skill, and takes a real measure of genuiness that most people frankly lack. By the same token, I dont think the converse is necessarily true either: That being that being extremely sociable is intrinsically better than being a loner.
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