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I'm a loner by circumstances. My work peers are 10 years older than me, married with kids, my location is remote, the few college acquaintances I keep live thousands of miles away. I'm not shy, I have above average communications skills (in addition to being bilingual) and I make above the median individual income.
But I don't drink, don't find floating a river EVERY WEEKEND appealing, I'm not a sports fan and I don't have kids, so what the eff am I going to use to relate to people my age when they are a painful cliché of what I just described? So, I end up flying solo by circumstances.
People read too much into the loner stuff. That said, it could be true that women subconsciously prefer a gregarious man, for the aforementioned social benefits (networking connections, higher income potential, higher perception of social status, latter which is like porn for a women's arousal; they love for other women to envy their man more than they like the guy outright). I accept that for what it is (though I'm not impressed) but I'm not gonna start feigning interest in college football and drinking-based outings just because the peanut gallery wants to read much more into the circumstances that makes one a loner. That's just silly.
i totally fit the stereotype of what you just described. i'm in my 40's and never married, loner, not many friends (but AHA! i have managed to keep a decent job and my own place for 2 decades despite my lowly humbleness) and you know what i'm better off alone than being married to someone you've just described
Sure, if you're a genius or have some sort of skill in very high demand (most people don't), you'll make plenty of money even if you're a loner, but in most cases, making great money, finding excellent job opportunities, or starting a successful business comes down to connections and networking. Someone who's a loner is going to have problems networking and with forming strong connections with people and this often results in not having access to high paying jobs even if capable.
In terms of having no friends, most loners are loners because their people skills are really bad, so why would someone with bad people skills have many friends? Virtually all of the loners I know have very few friends.
you're describing someone who's shy...biiig difference! I'm not really a "loner" as I have many friends and like to be social most times, but I can be shy sometimes (though working retail the past few years has made a difference!). The loner I'm thinking of is someone who doesn't need company but enjoys it if its there and has interests that don't jive with everyone else's so they wind up doing many things alone and actually like it that way.
What exactly is "close" friends? I have moved a lot in the past few years, I have a lot of friends but they are all at different distances, they are extremely busy with their work during the week or their families on the weekends and I just can't meet them. I also don't get a chance to meet closer friends regularly since people are just too busy and our plans don't always align, I have stuff I do as well!
I'm a loner by circumstances. My work peers are 10 years older than me, married with kids, my location is remote, the few college acquaintances I keep live thousands of miles away. I'm not shy, I have above average communications skills (in addition to being bilingual) and I make above the median individual income.
But I don't drink, don't find floating a river EVERY WEEKEND appealing, I'm not a sports fan and I don't have kids, so what the eff am I going to use to relate to people my age when they are a painful cliché of what I just described? So, I end up flying solo by circumstances.
People read too much into the loner stuff. That said, it could be true that women subconsciously prefer a gregarious man, for the aforementioned social benefits (networking connections, higher income potential, higher perception of social status, latter which is like porn for a women's arousal; they love for other women to envy their man more than they like the guy outright). I accept that for what it is (though I'm not impressed) but I'm not gonna start feigning interest in college football and drinking-based outings just because the peanut gallery wants to read much more into the circumstances that makes one a loner. That's just silly.
Any hobbies? no local networking?
Computer gamer? Since you don't do sports? Any local gaming groups?
Sure, if you're a genius or have some sort of skill in very high demand (most people don't), you'll make plenty of money even if you're a loner, but in most cases, making great money, finding excellent job opportunities, or starting a successful business comes down to connections and networking. Someone who's a loner is going to have problems networking and with forming strong connections with people and this often results in not having access to high paying jobs even if capable.
Generally, being highly successful requires vast amounts of time to be invested. Those individuals who are gregarious types with a lot of friends and family members "imposing" (albeit in a good way) on their time, often find it difficult to really pursue their professional aspirations. For example, I generally spend 10 to 11 hours a day running my three businesses. I do not have a wife calling me to find out when I'm going to be home. If I have to pull an all-nighter or work all weekend, I can do so whenever the need arises. Understandably, many women are not all that happy being with a guy leading that kind of life, but it has permitted me to accomplish what I set out to accomplish. If I need gregarious small talker types with substantial networking skills, I hire them; they are called "salesmen".
Quote:
Originally Posted by bicoastal10
In terms of having no friends, most loners are loners because their people skills are really bad, so why would someone with bad people skills have many friends? Virtually all of the loners I know have very few friends.
Just because someone is a loner with few friends, does not mean that he/she has poor people skills with the friends they do have. In fact, I can devote a lot more attention to the friends I do have, because I have so few. I tend to believe that those with lots of friends end up having lots of superficial hello-goodbye interactions simply based upon the fact that they don't have the hours in the day available to engage each of their many friends in long drawn out meaningful conversations. It's a quality vs. quantity type of thing. IMHO.
I love "loner" types. Obnoxious, life of the party type guys, annoy me. I may be a girl, but I don't talk everyone's ear off like most girls. I like comfortable silences sometimes. "Loner" also doesn't mean "anti-social" either. It just means they enjoy their own company more than other's enjoy theirs. Not only that, these types of guys, I have found to be more interesting than extroverts and have more unique things about them that I enjoy getting to know. Much more interesting than the guy that always watches football with his "bro's" or always hits the bars with his "bro's" and acts rowdy...lame.
I love loners, too. Just recently realized it- the last guy I was serious with was one of the types who always wanted to be partying w/ his friends, etc. I've known loners & actually they are way deeper than the extroverted guys.
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well bicoastal
Just recently realized it- the last guy I was serious with was one of the types who always wanted to be partying w/ his friends, etc. I've known loners & actually they are way deeper than the extroverted guys. 
