What do women think of "Loners" (older, family, college)

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by rlrl

that's very heartening to hear because everything sounds terrible with regard to loners

these women on the job who try to change me to be more social have no idea what it's like to have so much to do on a job that's draining and how socilazing to a loner is even more of a pain

i've been accused of being rude for not aking the time but it's they who are rude, i believe

I think that a lot of these problems that men and women have relating stem from the individual not knowing themselves well enough and being true to themselves.

Perhaps I have been around both loner and social types more in my life so I can appreciate both for different reasons and have no desire to change either.

Many of the loner types in my family (and friends) are just quieter people with a rich inner world who prefer the pursuit of solitary activities, they will however share that with me if I allow them to come to me when they are comfortable to do so. Chasing them around attempting to put them in social situations that only make them uncomfortable seems a cruel and unusual torture to my way of thinking. They are who they are, they enjoy what they enjoy and I appreciate them exactly as they are so have no desire to change them into something they are not.

Conversely the more sociable of my friends and family are great to be around if I myself am feeling sociable but I'd never dream of subjecting them to a quiet weekend of solitude contemplating our navels because I know that they're not wired that way and they'd be bored to tears and unhappy very quickly.

Some people are sociable, some people prefer more solitary pursuits BOTH kinds of people appeal to me at different times and frankly I find both kinds of people very interesting with much to offer.


You can only be who you are and for some people that will be more than enough. They will care and appreciate you, just the way you are.
At the end of the day the only person whose opinion really matters is your own. It's your life, just live it and enjoy it and learn the art of smiling sweetly and then going and doing your own thing anyway. Those who would want you to change have their own problems to worry about so don't be too hard on them. I find most of them are struggling with themselves.

(and hopefully that was my one big Yoda moment for the day and now I'm off to actually contemplate one of the more important things in life, my belly! Breakfast is calling!)

[rlrl]

about people not knowing themselves

I just joined a gym after hating gyms for years. and i'm glad i did. another customer helped me last week by putting my machine on a setting where i could burn more calories in less time. i am grateful to him and hope i see him again. he really helped me and inspired me. and this is coming from someone who hates gyms. something has changed for the better

you're right too about having a rich inner life. often people are perplexed about me and how i manage everyday and there are times i am manically happy and other times a little down but certainly never depressed. honestly if i had to live with people on a day in day out basis my life would be utter chaos!!

[findinghope]

it's funny. my hubby and i are both loners! i mean we associate with people, we invite people over and vice versa, but MOST of the time, we shy away from people, kind of keep to ourselves etc. we dont really have any close friends, as we find we cant really trust people as they are only fair wether freinds. we are not that type. if we see someone in need of help, we just do it without thinking.
i think in the past few years we have been so disillusioned.
we come from a culture where we hang out more with family than with outsiders, and being so far from our family has made it kind of difficult for us.

that said, i guess i just understand the "loner" and wouldnt mind being around one at all

[Gplex]

Originally Posted by ManGoneADreamin

What do women think of men that like to be on there own and do their own thing?
Would you even date or start a relationship with someone who doesn't have any close friends?
Would you date a "new guy" in town, that is a loner but also wants to meet some people?
How much importance do women put on a man's social surroundings?

I'm a loner (introverted), I pretended not to be for a long time, because people would keep telling me "you need mingle with people" etc, got kind of depressed knowing that every time I looked in the mirror I was looking at someone pretending to be something else...

Finally I couldn't take it any more and embraced my nature, and have never felt better...

But women do not like it one bit. The even seem a little scared of me now... the guy who sits by himself, and only give direct answer in my experience is scary too most women.

I suppose I will be forever in the shadows of that old saying... "it's always the quiet one".

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by rlrl

about people not knowing themselves

I just joined a gym after hating gyms for years. and i'm glad i did. another customer helped me last week by putting my machine on a setting where i could burn more calories in less time. i am grateful to him and hope i see him again. he really helped me and inspired me. and this is coming from someone who hates gyms. something has changed for the better.

It's good when things like that happen. I suspect that like all perfectly normal people you just don't like when others feel the need to impose themselves on you with their own agenda. Nothing wrong with that. I don't like it myself. Sounds like the guy in the gym was helpful and friendly without being in your face. Such a great trait to develop as a person.
(You can have the gym all to yourself though, it's not my cuppa at all but I'm happy for you that you're enjoying it. )

Originally Posted by rlrl

you're right too about having a rich inner life. often people are perplexed about me and how i manage everyday and there are times i am manically happy and other times a little down but certainly never depressed. honestly if i had to live with people on a day in day out basis my life would be utter chaos!!

One of the people I love most in the world is my Grandad, he passed away a long time back but he comes to mind now because he was an incredibly smart man with a razor sharp mind and it just so happened that he was shy, quiet and preferred to do things on his own. He even had this teeny little room off the back porch at his house that he would go into and spend HOURS in. He could only JUST open the door and walk into this tiny little space where he could stand or sit on a bar stool and then close the door behind him. The room was filled with all kinds of interesting shelves and boxes. Electrical stuff mostly and a ham radio, oh and a portable radio always tuned to the classical station or talk back. I know this because I'm one of the few people he allowed to squish in there with him sometimes and watch all the fascinating things he used to do in there while he listened to classical music. I suspect that a lot of the time he just went there to think. Some people need a lot more peaceful think time than others. There were family members that found him doing that odd but I never did. He taught me the value of developing my alone time and learning to enjoy my own company and acknowledging that I too, require peace and quiet and somewhere to just think sometimes.

Being around people all the time is not for everyone and that's ok in my book because we're all different. That's why I say be true to yourself and it sounds like you're being exactly that! Kudos to you for working it out because some people never do and I know it causes them great inner turmoil.

[Hawk J]

Originally Posted by moonshadow

It's good when things like that happen. I suspect that like all perfectly normal people you just don't like when others feel the need to impose themselves on you with their own agenda. Nothing wrong with that. I don't like it myself. Sounds like the guy in the gym was helpful and friendly without being in your face. Such a great trait to develop as a person.
(You can have the gym all to yourself though, it's not my cuppa at all but I'm happy for you that you're enjoying it. )



One of the people I love most in the world is my Grandad, he passed away a long time back but he comes to mind now because he was an incredibly smart man with a razor sharp mind and it just so happened that he was shy, quiet and preferred to do things on his own. He even had this teeny little room off the back porch at his house that he would go into and spend HOURS in. He could only JUST open the door and walk into this tiny little space where he could stand or sit on a bar stool and then close the door behind him. The room was filled with all kinds of interesting shelves and boxes. Electrical stuff mostly and a ham radio, oh and a portable radio always tuned to the classical station or talk back. I know this because I'm one of the few people he allowed to squish in there with him sometimes and watch all the fascinating things he used to do in there while he listened to classical music. I suspect that a lot of the time he just went there to think. Some people need a lot more peaceful think time than others. There were family members that found him doing that odd but I never did. He taught me the value of developing my alone time and learning to enjoy my own company and acknowledging that I too, require peace and quiet and somewhere to just think sometimes.

Being around people all the time is not for everyone and that's ok in my book because we're all different. That's why I say be true to yourself and it sounds like you're being exactly that! Kudos to you for working it out because some people never do and I know it causes them great inner turmoil.

I figure i'm one of the last of the mountain men around here...

[checking out]

I'm all for being alone and self supporting and that is what my wife of 20 years loves about me. If you need a dozen people to tell you what is correct then maybe you should find that one person that can make it real.

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by Hawk J

I figure i'm one of the last of the mountain men around here...

Grizzly, is that you?

The bush is a great place to be "alone".

[sierraAZ]

Being quite the loner myself at this point of my life (and I've never really been a social butterfly), I do tend to gravitate towards other loners. I have to admit it hasn't worked out very well, so perhaps people have a point being leery of us.

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Being quite the loner myself at this point of my life (and I've never really been a social butterfly), I do tend to gravitate towards other loners. I have to admit it hasn't worked out very well, so perhaps people have a point being leery of us.

Well you haven't managed to get rid of me yet.

So you can't that anti-social.