What do women think of "Loners" (dating, loving, single)

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by moonshadow

Well you haven't managed to get rid of me yet.

Well, YOU I can shut up whenever I want! And it's not like I hear from you very often, either, so I don't even need to do that.

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Well, YOU I can shut up whenever I want! And it's not like I hear from you very often, either, so I don't even need to do that.

**sniff! **sniff!**

Now that I think about it...............I am the PERFECT friend for a loner because I've got a mind like a goldfish and I NEVER keep up!

Yikes!! I've been possessed by Pollyanna again!

[SeaOfGrass]

Originally Posted by funymann

I would like to enjoy things that some of the mainstream wouldn't. Like for instance, all the guys are going out on the town to do...oh whatever. We are walking down the street together and all of them are talking about really stupid stuff. Childish BS. I am admiring the designs on the ancient buildings as we walk down the street. I am looking at the stars in the sky that intrigue me. When they look back at me and I am in lala land they tend to shy away from inviting me to the "guys" night out. Which is fine with me.

Ha, I'm female, but I completely understand your situation here.

Originally Posted by mango tango

Also, while I am fairly deep at times myself, I find it irritating when someone doesn't know how to relax and have some lighthearted fun. Life isn't one big philosophy discussion, and this is coming from someone who loves her philosophy classes

You could define me as "fairly deep at times," but I definitely know how to relax and have some lighthearted fun. Definitely.

Originally Posted by findinghope

it's funny. my hubby and i are both loners! i mean we associate with people, we invite people over and vice versa, but MOST of the time, we shy away from people, kind of keep to ourselves etc. we dont really have any close friends, as we find we cant really trust people as they are only fair wether freinds. we are not that type. if we see someone in need of help, we just do it without thinking.
i think in the past few years we have been so disillusioned.
we come from a culture where we hang out more with family than with outsiders, and being so far from our family has made it kind of difficult for us.

that said, i guess i just understand the "loner" and wouldnt mind being around one at all

I agree with you wholeheartedly, we're the same way.

Originally Posted by Gplex

I'm a loner (introverted), I pretended not to be for a long time, because people would keep telling me "you need mingle with people" etc, got kind of depressed knowing that every time I looked in the mirror I was looking at someone pretending to be something else...

Finally I couldn't take it any more and embraced my nature, and have never felt better...

But women do not like it one bit. The even seem a little scared of me now... the guy who sits by himself, and only give direct answer in my experience is scary too most women.

I suppose I will be forever in the shadows of that old saying... "it's always the quiet one".

Oh, I know, I've heard that my whole life, "You're so QUIET! You never TALK!" (I'm female.) I don't care anymore either. I just do my thing. I must admit, it helps to know there are MANY others out there like me. So thanks for posting.

Originally Posted by moonshadow

One of the people I love most in the world is my Grandad, he passed away a long time back but he comes to mind now because he was an incredibly smart man with a razor sharp mind and it just so happened that he was shy, quiet and preferred to do things on his own. He even had this teeny little room off the back porch at his house that he would go into and spend HOURS in. He could only JUST open the door and walk into this tiny little space where he could stand or sit on a bar stool and then close the door behind him. The room was filled with all kinds of interesting shelves and boxes. Electrical stuff mostly and a ham radio, oh and a portable radio always tuned to the classical station or talk back. I know this because I'm one of the few people he allowed to squish in there with him sometimes and watch all the fascinating things he used to do in there while he listened to classical music. I suspect that a lot of the time he just went there to think. Some people need a lot more peaceful think time than others. There were family members that found him doing that odd but I never did. He taught me the value of developing my alone time and learning to enjoy my own company and acknowledging that I too, require peace and quiet and somewhere to just think sometimes.

Being around people all the time is not for everyone and that's ok in my book because we're all different. That's why I say be true to yourself and it sounds like you're being exactly that! Kudos to you for working it out because some people never do and I know it causes them great inner turmoil.

That's such a nice story about your Grandad. I loved it.

When we went to a family reunion of Chow's, his Sicilian uncle-in-law never came out of the garage, wouldn't see anyone. That's just where he always stayed, spent his days there. I did find it a little strange, but I have to admit, I did understand it and was a little bit envious. Everyone just took it for granted and accepted it. I didn't realize you could just do that!

Originally Posted by Hawk J

I figure i'm one of the last of the mountain men around here...

"Jeremiah Johnson made his way into the mountains..." Sounds great to me...

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Being quite the loner myself at this point of my life (and I've never really been a social butterfly), I do tend to gravitate towards other loners. I have to admit it hasn't worked out very well, so perhaps people have a point being leery of us.

I had never really thought about it, but yeah, another introvert like me might be the perfect solution. The only problem is, in dealing with the "outside world," at times one of you has to be the extrovert. Guess. Do you think it will have to be the man or the woman?

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass

That's such a nice story about your Grandad. I loved it.

When we went to a family reunion of Chow's, his Sicilian uncle-in-law never came out of the garage, wouldn't see anyone. That's just where he always stayed, spent his days there. I did find it a little strange, but I have to admit, I did understand it and was a little bit envious. Everyone just took it for granted and accepted it. I didn't realize you could just do that!

Thanks. I have so many great memories of my Grandad The Loner because I was lucky that for whatever reason he and I just clicked so I got to spend some amazing times with him learning the inner world of the quiet folks. I gotta say they are usually such interesting people.

Sounds like Uncle Chow is a smart man too!

Alone time is a pretty much accepted behaviour in our family. I have a plethora of relos with sheds, garages, "cupboards" (that's what I called Grandad's room ) nooks and crannies.

Around here you can just do that! Maybe give it a go Sea? You might be surprised at how well others respond to it.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by moonshadow

**sniff! **sniff!**

Now that I think about it...............I am the PERFECT friend for a loner because I've got a mind like a goldfish and I NEVER keep up!

Yikes!! I've been possessed by Pollyanna again!

Aaaww, aaaww, aaaww, you know I love ya, moonie!

Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass

I had never really thought about it, but yeah, another introvert like me might be the perfect solution. The only problem is, in dealing with the "outside world," at times one of you has to be the extrovert. Guess. Do you think it will have to be the man or the woman?

Had a had a good relationship, I'd be perfectly content, just like you guys. I'd love to have at least one good female local friend as well, but that's a gravy... not absolutely necessary. Ideally, it'd be also nice to have one really close couple to get together once in a while. I had this in college and loved it. At this age, though, I don't think it's feasible and it usually brings complications along. Worthless cocktail-type socializing is meaningless to me and can only stress me out. Other than that, I function perfectly OK in the "outside" world, but I just don't need it that much anymore.

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Aaaww, aaaww, aaaww, you know I love ya, moonie!

yeah, I know, I love you too! I was just messing with ya! Keep ya on your toes, that kinda thing.

You're my kind of people.

[thepinksquid]

I married a "loner," and, in fact, I'm a "loner" myself.

Some people just don't like being social. I don't know if I could be with a guy that had a ton of friends...considering I don't have many myself. I don't like bars, only been to a nightclub one in my life (was there 15 minutes, left because it was too loud for me) and I prefer to stay at home.

[DTL3000]

I'm not a loner, I just suck at being a friend.

Seriously, I don't maintain friendships like I should. That being said, I've "outgrown" sets of friends and as you get older it usually gets harder to make new ones. It's not that I'd never talk to these friends again, it's just that what we had in common as friends is no longer central to mine or their life.

I guess I can kind of divide my friends up into chapters. There's maybe one or two from each chapter that I regularly keep in touch with.

I enjoy being on my own. I can make my own iternerary and I never have to ask for my own approval. Sometimes I wish I was a bit more social but I'm just too low key to be Mr. Popular.

[SeaOfGrass]

Originally Posted by moonshadow

Thanks. I have so many great memories of my Grandad The Loner because I was lucky that for whatever reason he and I just clicked so I got to spend some amazing times with him learning the inner world of the quiet folks. I gotta say they are usually such interesting people.

Sounds like Uncle Chow is a smart man too!

Alone time is a pretty much accepted behaviour in our family. I have a plethora of relos with sheds, garages, "cupboards" (that's what I called Grandad's room ) nooks and crannies.

Around here you can just do that! Maybe give it a go Sea? You might be surprised at how well others respond to it.

Well, I think my family's kinda getting the picture at this point. My mom's pretty much the same way. She's always groaning about her high school friends having their weekly get-togethers and pressuring her to come along. And she probably would, especially once in a while, but she really has nothing in common with them. She DOES realize she's lucky to have the same friends she knew in school, from a small town.

But I swear, the closest female friend I have, she CANNOT comprehend the way I am. She's the complete opposite of me. I've actually printed out that "Caring and Feeding of Your Introvert" and I'm going to present it to her. Honestly, she just can't comprehend it. I can comprehend her personality, but she can't mine...

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Had a had a good relationship, I'd be perfectly content, just like you guys. I'd love to have at least one good female local friend as well, but that's a gravy... not absolutely necessary. Ideally, it'd be also nice to have one really close couple to get together once in a while. I had this in college and loved it. At this age, though, I don't think it's feasible and it usually brings complications along. Worthless cocktail-type socializing is meaningless to me and can only stress me out. Other than that, I function perfectly OK in the "outside" world, but I just don't need it that much anymore.

Yeah, I think it's pretty hard to attain unless you just come out and state how you are. And a lot of people probably can't understand/accept it. But it is a lot easier if you lay your cards out, so to speak, rather than trying to pretend and fit the mold, etc... It IS very stressful, not in a dramatic way, but it is...

[moonshadow]

Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass

Well, I think my family's kinda getting the picture at this point. My mom's pretty much the same way. She's always groaning about her high school friends having their weekly get-togethers and pressuring her to come along. And she probably would, especially once in a while, but she really has nothing in common with them. She DOES realize she's lucky to have the same friends she knew in school, from a small town.

UGGH!!! And here's me agonizing about my decision to stay away from my old school reunion. I reckon if they wanted to get together EVERY WEEK I'd MOVE! I completely understand maybe once every two months but every week?????? I don't KNOW ANYONE from secondary school that I liked THAT MUCH!!!

Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass

But I swear, the closest female friend I have, she CANNOT comprehend the way I am. She's the complete opposite of me. I've actually printed out that "Caring and Feeding of Your Introvert" and I'm going to present it to her. Honestly, she just can't comprehend it. I can comprehend her personality, but she can't mine... .

That's a bit tricky....maybe a shared interest you could attend together and then she can run off and do her social butterfly with others? It is difficult when people you care about, who profess to care about you, don't understand.