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Old 11-04-2009, 05:01 PM
 
350 posts, read 3,430,203 times
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My husband and I have been married for 5.5 years. We're both in our early 30's. My husband is ready for kids and has been for years. I'm still not ready. People will ask me how long I've been married and I tell them over 5 years, and then they always say, "do you have kids?" and when I say no I get a weird look. Relatives are always asking when we're going to have kids and are surprised when I tell them I'm not ready yet. Even after being married this long I'm still not ready. I feel like I might be ready in another 5 years.

I guess my main reason is that I don't feel like I've had a chance to spend enough quality time with my husband. He's always working, and I don't see him nearly as much as I would like. I am very lonely. I feel like I need more quality time together as a married couple before having a child. Any thoughts?
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 21,981,509 times
Reputation: 23996
Yes.Don`t have kids until you are ready!!!
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:19 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,772 posts, read 11,582,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Yes.Don`t have kids until you are ready!!!
...but don't wait too long either. After 35 all the "risks" increase.
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:22 PM
 
5,007 posts, read 7,663,596 times
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I'd be kind of brutal and say, "Well, I'm compiling a list of all the people who are willing to babysit for me and Hubby when the baby comes. Can I put your name on the top of the list?"

Or look them in the eye directly and ask,"Why do you need to know?" And don't gaze away until they do.
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:28 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,630 posts, read 2,287,998 times
Reputation: 2405
Quote:
Originally Posted by kibblesandbits View Post

He's always working, and I don't see him nearly as much as I would like. I am very lonely. I feel like I need more quality time together as a married couple before having a child. Any thoughts?
I guess he is ready! He won't be doing the work! That's like me telling my guy "I'm ready to hike the rockies as long as you're doing the hiking." So you'll be home with a newborn and no help/support. You'll be twice as lonely.
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
16,471 posts, read 20,002,503 times
Reputation: 22370
Having a child is the beginning of an 18-year prison sentence, with no chance of parole.

Now, there are the comfortable, cushy, hotel-like Federal prisons, and then there are Maximum security prisons and State Prisons.

This decision needs to be carefully, carefully thought out.
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Old 11-04-2009, 06:19 PM
 
2,133 posts, read 5,144,672 times
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Clearly your DH isn't really ready to be a father, except for the making-the-baby part. Never being at home is not on the list of what makes a good dad.

As for you, if you aren't ready, PLEASE don't have a baby just to shut people up. I don't know why people feel the need to ask those questions, to poke their nose where it doesn't belong. I've had the same questions thrown at me and it's mind boggling. Simply look them in the eye and say, "why on earth would you be asking me such a personal question?". Shuts them up at least 90% of the time. For the other 10% just tell them it's none of their business and walk away.

When and if you ever feel ready, hopefully your husband will be more available to help. Babies are exhausting and new moms need the support.
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Old 11-04-2009, 07:07 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York
4,116 posts, read 2,732,650 times
Reputation: 1517
Quote:
Originally Posted by kibblesandbits View Post
My husband and I have been married for 5.5 years. We're both in our early 30's. My husband is ready for kids and has been for years. I'm still not ready. People will ask me how long I've been married and I tell them over 5 years, and then they always say, "do you have kids?" and when I say no I get a weird look. Relatives are always asking when we're going to have kids and are surprised when I tell them I'm not ready yet. Even after being married this long I'm still not ready. I feel like I might be ready in another 5 years.

I guess my main reason is that I don't feel like I've had a chance to spend enough quality time with my husband. He's always working, and I don't see him nearly as much as I would like. I am very lonely. I feel like I need more quality time together as a married couple before having a child. Any thoughts?

That is perfectly normal and just fine not to worry. You want to enjoy your husband on your own first before bringing little babies in the picture as well.... nothing wrong with that.

Don't rush into anything you not ready for yet because you will be miserable and regret it. Enjoy him go out, have crazy wild sex.....LoL, go on vacations, build a sturdy foundation first then bring the little ones in the picture to enjoy what both of you have enjoyed for so long alone...

Have Fun with your spouse
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Old 11-04-2009, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 77,111,830 times
Reputation: 22814
I don't think anybody is ever ready. It either "happens" or they take the plunge at some point if they don't have strong feelings against it. Somebody I know is extremely selfish and self-absorbed and was on the fence for years. She wouldn't even look at babies, much less touch them. Now she's pregnant... I'd be curious to see how this one plays out...

On the other hand, I also know a guy who was the same way and now he's an obsessed father. When I say obsessed, I mean it! I swear I can't even stand hearing the name of this child anymore! That's all he talks about. Some people don't like children per se, but get crazy about their own.
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Old 11-04-2009, 07:21 PM
 
3,284 posts, read 2,726,184 times
Reputation: 1832
If you don't want kids you don't want kids. No big deal. I'm sure he would have second thoughts if he knew they would be popping out of his butt...
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