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You sound very much like my husband and my son. I just love slightly geeky math guys. Their strong, silent, thoughtfulness is so endearing. College is a great place to blossom. There are so many ways to get involved in college and there's a place for everyone. I was impressed by your comment about self control over self esteem because that is the mark of most successful people. You have a lot to offer, but you must sometimes step out of your comfort zone, and try new things. You'll get shot down a few times, but that's okay. Remember you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. When you get older you won't regret the things you tried that didn't work out, you'll regret the things you didn't try. BTW, call the poor girl, a week is too long. Best wishes.
Last edited by Sunnydee; 11-07-2009 at 10:03 AM..
Reason: space
I've been a shy for most of my life, and it was hard to approach people to just talk, let alone approach women that I found attractive.
That all changed only with the last few years, and mostly within the past 10 months when I started grad school. I'm now 27. I didn't have a choice but to embrace talking to people and take the first step in approaching people socially. I also started a job at the same time that required me to speak to people face to face and generate some conversation.
So one part of it was being exposed to more people in general. The bigger part was having built up my confidence over time.
I was very shy in highschool.....most of my friends now don't believe because I came out of my shell and let the crazy Irish gal rein!!! Don't worry what highschool peeps say...many YOU will NEVER see again! Worry about your needs and wants for your future...And call the gal if you like her...if not meh...who cares there will be tons for you..when you get older. I'm 32 and look for nothing but the smarties. Future looks good for you...don't worry highschool will be long gone before you know it.
I was super withdrawn in high school. Definitely socially inept. This diminished somewhat in college, when I started interacting with clubs on campus. Had a great time volunteering with English language learners, which led me into a desire to teach languages. So after college, I went abroad to teach and my job was...basically...to talk to people, in my native language That whole situation brought down a lot of my social barriers. I briefly worked in sales, then switched to teaching high school Spanish back here in the US. Thus, all my jobs have required human interaction as the basis. Not to mention, I have to work with many different personality types and some very difficult individuals. At this point, I can happily carry on a conversation with a brick wall.
I'm an 18 year old high school senior who's a male, and it's very hard for me to connect with people around me in general. The only ones I can decently have a good time with are the "geeks," which I partially consider myself as. The other side of me is I guess you can call a loner... however, this isn't my choice.
I feel like on some days, I can be really outgoing and confident, but on others, for some odd reason I can't seem to just relax. I don't know why... it's just a cycle. There is a girl that I'm technically going out with now but it's clear we're only infatuated with each other, as neither of us know each other very well. It's been a week since I've contacted her.
Yeah, so as you can see, my problems are multi-sided. However, there is one thing I can somewhat have pride in, and it's that I'm good at math and want to do engineering at the University of Texas at Austin. I can say that this is my only hope&dream.
I try my best to be helpful and unselfish, but sometimes this comes off as being "weak" or even "boring?" to others. I guess I was brought up this way, self-control before self-esteem. However, I know to talk when to talk, and nice but not a pushover.
If anyone's lived or walked a similar life, please help me out. If not, I would still love to hear your advice. Please, no sympathy, just the straight up truth of what I should expect from life, what's around the corner, and what I need to do to improve myself. Any input would be appreciated
I wouldn't call myself shy...I think the more accurate way to describe the way I was is "confused". I didn't know who I was or who I am and it took me a lot of years to figure that out. Only in my late 20s and early 30s I started to feel like I know what I'm all about. That's why so many consider 30s to be the best age, people gain confidence and knowledge that they didn't have in their teens and 20s.
I think the way you are is very normal for an 18 year old male. This is a difficult time and transition from a teen to an adult. My best advice is to just be yourself the way you know how. If you are shy in some instances but confident in others, then be it. Be open-minded and learn from your mistakes and surround yourself with positive people who can teach you a thing or two. Definitely be opened to learning from older family members and friends.
I wasn't shy but because I was smart and pretty much a home body so I didn't have the confidence I had in college. Years later, I am much more "WHO CARES" about what anyone thinks (thanks in part to my husband). I have much better self esteem and feel that if you don't want to know me as I am then it's your loss.
Instead, my surroundings changed when I went to college.
Quote:
Originally Posted by avant-garde
I'm an 18 year old high school senior who's a male, and it's very hard for me to connect with people around me in general. The only ones I can decently have a good time with are the "geeks," which I partially consider myself as. The other side of me is I guess you can call a loner... however, this isn't my choice.
I feel like on some days, I can be really outgoing and confident, but on others, for some odd reason I can't seem to just relax. I don't know why...
.......the straight up truth of what I should expect from life, what's around the corner, and what I need to do to improve myself. Any input would be appreciated
I knew why. I was a kid who took my studies reasonably seriously and went to a public school where very few others did. That wasn't the problem. It was that most of the student body took this as an insult. Consequently, I was constantly at risk of violence. This is probably the primary reason why most young men today are struggling to get an education. Schools are not safe for students, especially male ones and it is much easier to just go with the crowd going nowhere fast.
It was great going to college and to actually be with others who shared my world view. Much safer too. I really shone, getting involved with many activities and meeting lots of people.
I hear bad things now about college just being like more high school. If that's the case, it is a shame. We had a good time and did our share of partying but all the same, nearly everyone I was associated with was on the fast track. Such a change from high school.
My advice is to not change your core values. Just seek out those who not only have high aspirations but also are willing to have some fun and try new things along the way. Just sitting in your room studying is almost as bad as doing a kegger every night!
I'm an 18 year old high school senior who's a male, and it's very hard for me to connect with people around me in general. The only ones I can decently have a good time with are the "geeks," which I partially consider myself as. The other side of me is I guess you can call a loner... however, this isn't my choice.
I feel like on some days, I can be really outgoing and confident, but on others, for some odd reason I can't seem to just relax. I don't know why... it's just a cycle. There is a girl that I'm technically going out with now but it's clear we're only infatuated with each other, as neither of us know each other very well. It's been a week since I've contacted her.
Yeah, so as you can see, my problems are multi-sided. However, there is one thing I can somewhat have pride in, and it's that I'm good at math and want to do engineering at the University of Texas at Austin. I can say that this is my only hope&dream.
I try my best to be helpful and unselfish, but sometimes this comes off as being "weak" or even "boring?" to others. I guess I was brought up this way, self-control before self-esteem. However, I know to talk when to talk, and nice but not a pushover.
If anyone's lived or walked a similar life, please help me out. If not, I would still love to hear your advice. Please, no sympathy, just the straight up truth of what I should expect from life, what's around the corner, and what I need to do to improve myself. Any input would be appreciated
Man, I hope you're still around reading all of this.. there's some pretty damn good advice in here.
At 18, I think everyone was pretty much that way. Some of us just "pretended" better than others.
Anyway, if you stop to think about some things, you'll get a better understanding. At 18, you probably don't have a lot of what us old geezers call "life experience".. in other words, you wake up, go to school all sleepy eyed, stare at that cute chicks rear for awhile, eat lunch, listen to some old dude recite something about some raven and a midnight dreary, and then ya go home and chill.. Friday night, ya might go out to a football game or something, and that's about it. You're still grounded by your parents, and you've pretty much done the same thing since you were 12.
Once you get out and semi-on-your-own - read: college, land of the free and home of the hotties - then you'll start seeing the world in a different light. You'll basically be forced to talk to other people and to form "groups".. Once you start talking to people a lot, it'll build up your confidence, and it'll give you something in common with these people.
The point is, brace yourself. As soon as you get out in the real world, everything changes. For now, enjoy your geekiness for as long as you can.
read: college, land of the free and home of the hotties
You make it sound so wonderful. I hope he's still reading this too .. I predict that dude is going to have such an awesome life it would make his knees quake to even think about it. Perhaps on second thought, maybe it's best he's not still reading ... why ruin the surprise for him?
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Future looks good for you...don't worry highschool will be long gone before you know it.
That whole situation brought down a lot of my social barriers. I briefly worked in sales, then switched to teaching high school Spanish back here in the US. Thus, all my jobs have required human interaction as the basis. Not to mention, I have to work with many different personality types and some very difficult individuals. At this point, I can happily carry on a conversation with a brick wall.
I Don't Think I Changed
