Please help me! (date, wife, married, women)

[Repubocrat]

I have been in a relationship for almost 6 years, we are not married but we have lived together for about 3 years. I ended up moving out because of her teenage son and right now, I am a bit confused. We get along just fine, never argue, she is definitely my best friend but we are on different pages. I am a go-getter, type A person, she is more of a procrastinator, also, sexually we are totally different, my idea of a healthy sex life is at least twice/week, she could go a year without it. She is 8 years older than me and sometimes I feel like she is turning into an old lady, no ambition, low self-esteem, does not work out, gaining weight etc. I am super active, very athletic, very ambitious,etc. I don't know what to do because we never argue and I don't know if I have enough reason to break up a great relationship. I am very confused and although I love her, I do not know what to do. Help please!

[yankeegirl313]

What is the main problem? Is it the son, her weight, her low self esteem, or her low sex drive? I mean, if you love her, then you need to communicate with her, and tell her your concerns.

[spinx]

You listed a lot of negatives, but really no positives. That should tell you something.

[Repubocrat]

I have been expressing my concerns about her overall "depression", lack of passion, weight and low "self-esteem" for the last three years. I don't see a lot of action on her part though, I am afraid that ten years from now, she may be at the same exact place and I am too young to give up on life. I am ambitious, I have plans for the future that may or may not include her, I feel a bit guilty though because I feel like I am letting her down, but I am not giving up on life at the age of 32, I have yet a lot to accomplish and I am driven.

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

I have been expressing my concerns about her overall "depression", lack of passion, weight and low "self-esteem" for the last three years. I don't see a lot of action on her part though, I am afraid that ten years from now, she may be at the same exact place and I am too young to give up on life. I am ambitious, I have plans for the future that may or may not include her, I feel a bit guilty though because I feel like I am letting her down, but I am not giving up on life at the age of 32, I have yet a lot to accomplish and I am driven.

Then why don`t you come right out and tell her just that!
Give her something to fight for. Its totally up to her then, if she chooses not to...the ball will be in her hands. You would have tried to express to her how you feel, and she can either move with you, or not.
You have said that you have tried for the last 3 years. Well, try one last time, but THIS time, let her know that you are serious!

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

I have been expressing my concerns about her overall "depression", lack of passion, weight and low "self-esteem" for the last three years. I don't see a lot of action on her part though, I am afraid that ten years from now, she may be at the same exact place and I am too young to give up on life. I am ambitious, I have plans for the future that may or may not include her, I feel a bit guilty though because I feel like I am letting her down, but I am not giving up on life at the age of 32, I have yet a lot to accomplish and I am driven.

This is why I say over and over again, that it's not always the best idea for men to date older women.

Well - this is my perspective from your posts only and we don't know her side of the story at all, but it seems to me, that you love her as a person, as a friend, as a human being and that you feel comfortable with her, but there is a lack of passion that is shown from your thread.
You really need to have a conversation with her about your concerns, because a lot of them are valid...but not just addressing it in a passive way, but make her understand that you are unhappy to the point of leaving.
First of all, the sex thing...you need to address this, not sure if you already have, but it's crucial to be on the same page with this one. Some women are at their peak at the age of 40, but some women are just always and forever passive in this department. I'll tell you that twice a week is not "outrageous" and something that can easily be met, but I hope that she knows how you feel about that. Secondly, seems like you are starting to get less and less physically attracted towards her, that's another issue. Also, seems to me that you are very different in many aspects and although they say that opposites attract, in reality it's not always the best thing.
You listed a lot of negative things and I get a feeling that deep down, although you do love her, you want to break free. You both deserve to be happy, if you don't truly want to be with her, let her go and she will still have a chance at the ripe age of 40 to find someone who is more on the same page with her and so will you.

[Repubocrat]

Right now, I am thinking about relocating to another state and my mother said that if she really loves me, she would follow me. I have not given her an ultimatum because it is not my type of thing, I don't want to come across as a selfish person because I am NOT selfish but I don't want to feel like I am stuck, unable to make progress in life because she does not seem to have a whole lot of ambition left. Everytime I have talked to her about relocating, her answer is always " I don't know or I am not sure".

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

Everytime I have talked to her about relocating, her answer is always " I don't know or I am not sure".

Well, this is your decision then. If she`s worth fighting for...fight. If not, walk away, and move on.

[WFW&P]

Communication is key, something my wife & I lack. And like you two we don't argue.
Take Yankeegirl's suggestion and lay it all out and if there's no change then you have answered your own question; you two are not on the same page.
I am curious as to what attracted you to her in the beginning?

[max's mama]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

Right now, I am thinking about relocating to another state and my mother said that if she really loves me, she would follow me. I have not given her an ultimatum because it is not my type of thing, I don't want to come across as a selfish person because I am NOT selfish but I don't want to feel like I am stuck, unable to make progress in life because she does not seem to have a whole lot of ambition left. Everytime I have talked to her about relocating, her answer is always " I don't know or I am not sure".

Well, I understand her too, because it's not easy to move with a child and she must sense that you are not 100% sure about your future together. Imagine if she does move? Imagine if she actually leaves everything and everyone, takes her child with her, away from her family and moves with you and then you realize that you don't want to be with her anymore? Uuugh, not a good situation for her. If I was her, I wouldn't move.