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The problem I see is that people seem to already have an idea of how things are supposed to go in the "dating process." Instead of letting things happen naturally, people get caught up in the whole "Ok, by date #3 we should be doing x, y, or z, and by date #6 we should be exclusive, etc" deal. Why not let things happen naturally? All of our other friendships and friendly interactions with other people are totally unplanned for and without motive, yet with dating there always seems to be a motive or intention which makes the interaction seem less genuine. People overthink dating.
Why do people set up a sex/relationship timeline based around a certain number of dates?
I recently started dating again, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of what happens in dating, is a bunch of mind games. I don't know what it is - maybe its because I was in a relationship for a long time, or because I dated a lot when I was younger, but I don't have the patience for games. I feel like if a person can't be upfront and honest, then they are wasting my time. And personally, I don't want to waste anyone else's time either. If I don't like someone and I don't think we have very much in common - I tell them. I say, "I don't think this will work. We don't have very much in common." Why is that so hard?
Does everyone who dates play games?
Sorry but I didn't realize you were a woman.
Unfortunately, both society, and women, have ruined men against your benefit in the dating process for you.
Society in today's age has promoted women's rights and equality, and in doing so they've almost bashed the male species and led them to believe a certain behavior is what a woman wants. It is not. I know you may not admit this, but you don't want a man that is open and honest with you. If you had one come out on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date and tell you how he feels about you, you would label it "creepy" or "desperate" and you would quickly lose interest in him. I also seriously doubt you tell men to their face you aren't interested. Women simply don't know how to do this. They think by ignoring the guy after giving him her phone number or agreeing to date that they are letting him down easy, which is wrong in every sense.
Second, the truly honest men you claim to be interested in, are being converted by the very women that burn him over the course of his dating life. The male realizes that he cannot get a woman by being up front and honest because she will use it against him and consequently hurt him emotionally once she holds his heart in her hands. Women are not afraid to squeeze it. He then learns that women don't know what they want, and he has to mess with her already messed up-americanized head to get her to realize she does like him. You could say it is tricking her into liking him, but I say it's just making her mind up for her, because when a woman is presented with the decision "this guy likes me, do I like him?" then she can never decide and overthinks it and loses interest/doesn't decide which means she decides "no".
Not all women are like this however, many foreign woman do not have these mental problems that most american women do, because again, society hasn't ruined them into worrying about appearance, social status, money, and other thigns that aren't as important as compatibility, moral issues, and kindness.
Last edited by cdubs3201; 11-09-2009 at 09:54 AM..
Reason: didn't realize OP was female
Unfortunately, both society, and women, have ruined men against your benefit in the dating process for you.
Society in today's age has promoted women's rights and equality, and in doing so they've almost bashed the male species and led them to believe a certain behavior is what a woman wants. It is not. I know you may not admit this, but you don't want a man that is open and honest with you. If you had one come out on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date and tell you how he feels about you, you would label it "creepy" or "desperate" and you would quickly lose interest in him. I also seriously doubt you tell men to their face you aren't interested. Women simply don't know how to do this.
Not all women are like this however, many foreign woman do not have these mental problems that most american women do, because again, society hasn't ruined them into worrying about appearance, social status, money, and other thigns that aren't as important as compatibility, moral issues, and kindness.
Another load of crap.
One of the things I find MOST attractive in a man is the willingness to tell me upfront how he feels. It's called HONESTY, and though it is a rare man that does this, this kind of man is far more likely to get ME warming up his bed than some @sswipe that tries to use stupid games to confuse me and try to keep me "on a string".
People can be honest about their feelings without being "creepy and desperate". Good grief. Does no one know how to communicate anymore?
I recently started dating again, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of what happens in dating, is a bunch of mind games. I don't know what it is - maybe its because I was in a relationship for a long time, or because I dated a lot when I was younger, but I don't have the patience for games. I feel like if a person can't be upfront and honest, then they are wasting my time. And personally, I don't want to waste anyone else's time either. If I don't like someone and I don't think we have very much in common - I tell them. I say, "I don't think this will work. We don't have very much in common." Why is that so hard?
Does everyone who dates play games?
There is alot of dishonesty in dating today...and in most friendships/relationships of any kind actually. With morals and ethics taking a back seat in our culture and looked upon as prudish and old fashion , it has become ripe for egotism, hedonism, and narcissism . People look upon each other as an opportunity to get what THEY want ; the methodology includes being dishonest, deception, turning feelings on and off , saying what you think the other person wants to hear, making oneself out to be something they are not, et al.. so as to get what they want. While not everyone is like that, the motive amongst many is typically sex for a time period or money/good times . After that, the process starts all over again with new players .
I think they call it 'a Dog eat Dog world' (?) . Very sad, but true.
One of the things I find MOST attractive in a man is the willingness to tell me upfront how he feels. It's called HONESTY, and though it is a rare man that does this, this kind of man is far more likely to get ME warming up his bed than some @sswipe that tries to use stupid games to confuse me and try to keep me "on a string".
People can be honest about their feelings without being "creepy and desperate". Good grief. Does no one know how to communicate anymore?
You say that but it's not true, you are a woman, by nature you have no idea what you want. What you say you want and what you actually desire do not match up. Hence the reason why so many women date big time douche-bags.
You want a man to be honest AFTER you've already realized you have feelings for him and that you want him, and out of selfish intentions you wish he'd sacrafice his ability to protect his own feelings and emotions from you until he's certain you have positive feelings of interest toward him. You should just respect his position, because women are extremely shady with their messages. Example: you'd be blown away at how many phone numbers I've gotten from girls who had no intention of going out on a date. Why would you give someone your phone number if you didn't want them to call you? Why wouldn't they just say "no"?
You say that but it's not true, you are a woman, by nature you have no idea what you want. What you say you want and what you actually desire do not match up. Hence the reason why so many women date big time douche-bags.
Clearly, you have absolutely no idea what a mentally stable, intelligent, healthy woman is about. Obviously you can only speak from your own experience, so this tells us much about the type of women you have dated. I hope you are lucky enough to improve that situation someday.
women are extremely shady with their messages. Example: you'd be blown away at how many phone numbers I've gotten from girls who had no intention of going out on a date. Why would you give someone your phone number if you didn't want them to call you? Why wouldn't they just say "no"?
Because women are socialized to be nice and polite and obliging to people, and it's easier to turn you down over the phone then in person? Because maybe in the cold light of day she realized that she was drunk when she gave you her number, and she's not interested anymore? There are many reasons, and very few of them are sinister. These women could probably stand to grow up, but if it happens to you all the time remember the only common factor in all your dissatisfying interactions is you.
Quote:
Clearly, you have absolutely no idea what a mentally stable, intelligent, healthy woman is about. Obviously you can only speak from your own experience, so this tells us much about the type of women you have dated. I hope you are lucky enough to improve that situation someday.
I tried to rep you for this, but I have to spread it around.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 11-09-2009 at 03:41 PM..
you say that but it's not true, you are a woman, by nature you have no idea what you want. What you say you want and what you actually desire do not match up. Hence the reason why so many women date big time douche-bags.
You want a man to be honest after you've already realized you have feelings for him and that you want him, and out of selfish intentions you wish he'd sacrafice his ability to protect his own feelings and emotions from you until he's certain you have positive feelings of interest toward him. You should just respect his position, because women are extremely shady with their messages. Example: You'd be blown away at how many phone numbers i've gotten from girls who had no intention of going out on a date. Why would you give someone your phone number if you didn't want them to call you? Why wouldn't they just say "no"?
Games are for kids. Adults who play games need to grow up.
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