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Shoot, sorry Lina .. after reading through the thread some (on advice threads I often post my advice before reading the thread so as not be swayed by the general consensus) I've changed my mind some. Those who say she should have asked make a very valid point. At the two month stage, he really doesn't know her that well. She could be one of those oddball women who take all offers to help as sexism; or she may have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to friends and doesn't need yet another helper on moving today. It could have been a lot of things.
The guy could have been more thoughtful and asked, but at this point, I don't think this is a hanging offense. Now, had she asked and had he not helped (or given some excuse for not helping .. i.e. not clearing his calendar and making this a priority) then he's a douche. Right now, he's on probation in my mind.
Hi West Cobb,
If it had been a mature relationship, then he would have input into the decision such as when and how to move. Instead, she retained her right to unilateral decision making as a single independent person. However with him, she slathers him with a good dose of mature relationship duties without the respect of asking. My wife would need to ask me to drop a Saturday. I would do the same. She can assume I will render a resolution. The common and simplest courtesy is the request. It is the same reason I go though the trouble to address the person with whom I am responding. "Hi WestCobb," is a due respect for your time, which I am sure you value. I make no assumptions.
Dating does not involve charity ever. Otherwise he would volunteer to help old ladies move. Its a power grab to land a man who makes her the center of his universe. That poor sap. The poor women too. She'll never really love him. If he sticks around, he may not be worth keeping.
Generally we don't seem to agree. However, on this, we do. Good post.
Annie
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1
Hi West Cobb,
If it had been a mature relationship, then he would have input into the decision such as when and how to move. Instead, she retained her right to unilateral decision making as a single independent person. However with him, she slathers him with a good dose of mature relationship duties without the respect of asking. My wife would need to ask me to drop a Saturday. I would do the same. She can assume I will render a resolution. The common and simplest courtesy is the request. It is the same reason I go though the trouble to address the person with whom I am responding. "Hi WestCobb," is a due respect for your time, which I am sure you value. I make no assumptions.
Dating does not involve charity ever. Otherwise he would volunteer to help old ladies move. Its a power grab to land a man who makes her the center of his universe. That poor sap. The poor women too. She'll never really love him. If he sticks around, he may not be worth keeping.
Generally we don't seem to agree. However, on this, we do. Good post.
Annie
Greetings NY Annie,
I would not be surprised since I have a proclivity to take my spot in the crow's nest to observe the beauty and anger of a woman.
No matter how many times one waves their hand in the water, one cannot repeat the rippling, reflecting art of a woman's body language in her overture of contempt that she performs extemporaneously just for me.
I don't abuse the privilege, but as a side effect of some other noble cause, I cannot lie. I like you either way.
I don't know about anywhere else but I don't know a single man here that if they were dating and into a woman if she was moving wouldn't offer to help. Maybe it's a regional thing?
I don't know about anywhere else but I don't know a single man here that if they were dating and into a woman if she was moving wouldn't offer to help. Maybe it's a regional thing?
I agree...not saying it would be a deal breaker but I would find it unusual too. I had a boyfriend once that moved ALL of my stuff for me, while I was out of town...and he wasn't even really that nice of a guy, generally speaking. Maybe it is a southern thing.
I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months, and I moved at the end of October to a new apartment. I had a bedroom full of stuff, not a lot of furniture, but there’s definitly a good amount of ordinary stuff. I didn’t ask for his help b/c I wanted to see if he’d offer, as an attestment to his character, but he never offered. He does have a demanding job, but his weekends are free, and not once did he show any concern about my moving. I finally confronted him and he said he didn’t think I had that much stuff and he thought my friends were enough help. He apologized for not helping, but I don’t know how sincere he is about it. I thought moving is one of those things that is a given, and non-negotiable, when it comes to helping the girl you're dating. I think any adult knows that a girl can’t move everything on her own.
My question is, is this guy for real? Can this be an honest mistake? Or is it pretty indicative of a selfish person? or he's just using me for the benefits of dating?
Depends on how "independent" you present yourself as. If you had other friends helping you move, then he might have honestly thought that you did not "need" his help. Especially if he drives, say, a compact or sports car, and you have friends that drive pickup trucks. We're not gettting your sofa in the back of a "vette, for example.
I'm perfectly willing to help someone else move--even if he's a guy--if there are things that require two people to get moved. Heavy boxes and furniture. But if I sense an attitude of "I don't need your help." then I'm not going to give it.
I don't know about anywhere else but I don't know a single man here that if they were dating and into a woman if she was moving wouldn't offer to help. Maybe it's a regional thing?
If you re-read the initial post you might have a clearer picture and particularly if you read her later comments.
I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months, and I moved at the end of October to a new apartment. I had a bedroom full of stuff, not a lot of furniture, but there’s definitly a good amount of ordinary stuff. I didn’t ask for his help b/c I wanted to see if he’d offer, as an attestment to his character, but he never offered. He does have a demanding job, but his weekends are free, and not once did he show any concern about my moving. I finally confronted him and he said he didn’t think I had that much stuff and he thought my friends were enough help. He apologized for not helping, but I don’t know how sincere he is about it. I thought moving is one of those things that is a given, and non-negotiable, when it comes to helping the girl you're dating. I think any adult knows that a girl can’t move everything on her own.
My question is, is this guy for real? Can this be an honest mistake? Or is it pretty indicative of a selfish person? or he's just using me for the benefits of dating?
He's just not that into you.
Chile, tell him to go kick rocks with no shoes on.
I'm sorry, but he could have at LEAST offered or showed some type of concern.
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