17 year age gap has become a problem for me after 5 years of dating (college, daughter)
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I'm 43, but what is the difference if I was 40 or 43? I am the same dude now as I was 3 years ago. And there is no big difference btween 27 and 30. So 10 year difference or 15 it doesn't really matter when you are 30ish and 40ish.
Damn right I am making her feel guilty about it because she is beating around the bush using "the future" to validate her reasoning when in fact right now she already says she views him as looking like a "dad". She is almost 30 and he early 40's and she is branding him as looking old enough to be her "dad"? C'mon....
Again, you haven't seen a picture of this couple or her father. Perhaps her boyfriend is starting to actually look more like her dad? Many people start to look a lot older as they approach the 50 year mark, and at 44, that's where her boyfriend is at.
Also, he may act more maturely than you with your guitar collection... so you really shouldn't take this thread so personally.
And about looking like a "dad" or a "mom", it's a combination of being old enough to have child that is a young adult (and at 44 years old this man could be old enough to have a daughter that is 26 years old if he had impregnated a woman when he was 18) and how they behave, groom themselves and dress. A man wearing conservative clothing will look older than a man in blue jeans and a t-shirt. And his hair can also age him if it's thinning and streaked with gray.
I would really like you to answer this if you can, lionking.
I am not being a ******, I am just curious.
Thanks for your advice, Antlered.
Despite what some may think of me, I find it close to impossible to put myself first, and I beat myself up a lot about the smallest things. I really need to learn to start focusing on me and my wants instead of being so concerned with hurting others. It's easy to say, but very hard to put into action.
Would I be ok with her retiring? Sure why not as long as the situation was mutually beneficial. Does her retiring mean acting like a old hag and a bore then no. But if her retiring meant her having more alone time to do what she wants when I'm at work then sure why not. As long as she remained attractive to me I'm ok with it.
Here is a woman who is 60 years old, a 17 year difference from me. She may be 60 but she doesn't dress like it, doesn't project a image of it, does things to make herself remain hot whether lifestyle, cosmetics or hairdye or whatever and frankly I would adore her if she were mine hubba hubba hubba!! Do you think I would care if she was a age number of 60 and retired? The only thing I'd be doing is watching the clock until I get off work so I could get home and just.......
honestly i doubt she has a university degree ,higher intelectual level ( and i honestly doubt that she is finacially secure).In this case she would not ask such questions..not in a forum...
sorry,it is my opinion!
Would I be ok with her retiring? Sure why not as long as the situation was mutually beneficial. Does her retiring mean acting like a old hag and a bore then no. But if her retiring meant her having more alone time to do what she wants when I'm at work then sure why not. As long as she remained attractive to me I'm ok with it.
Here is a woman who is 60 years old, a 17 year difference from me. She may be 60 but she doesn't dress like it, doesn't project a image of it, does things to make herself remain hot whether lifestyle, cosmetics or hairdye or whatever and frankly I would adore her if she were mine hubba hubba hubba!! Do you think I would care if she was a age number of 60 and retired? The only thing I'd be doing is watching the clock until I get off work so I could get home and just.......
We're very realistic now, aren't we? Because we all know that most women on 60 look like that!
Hey you all I'm not arguing the fact that she should stay with him if things are that broken. If he is letting himself go to pieces well then...
If she isn't attracted to him for whatever reason so be it. I'm just saying being 40ish isn't the end of life c'mon. Me, I was always super skinny zero body fat, sure now that I am 43 I got some love handles going on. I'm still reasonable thin wearing size 34 pants as of now. If I was turning into a blob I would try to change it. Sure my hair has greys, I dye it and it changes everything. But I am at least in my mind still prime time baby. But I don't expect perfection in women either, some cellulite, some belly jelly or whatever I like it anyway. The one biggest thing anybody aging can do is dye their hair it makes a huge difference in appearance man oe woman.
But again, I can't help but think that he isn't picking up on bad vibes from her and if I were him I'd be loking for someone else anyway, but true without really knowing both of them hard to come to a complete conclusion about them as a couple.
My boyfriend of 5 years is 17 years my senior. Me 27. Him 44.
For most of our relationship, this was never a problem, but lately it has started to really bother me. It has nothing to do with our different interests or anything like that and he certainly doesn't act his age (not in an immature way). I have never seen his age before, only the person he is, but over the past few years I have seen groups of my friends getting married - all to people their/my age (give or take maybe 1 or 2 years in between). This has started to really upset me and I dread receiving wedding invitations in the mail.
When we first started dating (I was 21, nearly 22), telling people his age was a huge novelty for me. It made me feel mature. But as the years have gone on I have become almost embarassed by it. I don't show people photos of him and I don't like how we look in photos together. I feel like he looks like my dad - don't even get me started on how creepy sex has started to feel. I don't want to marry him. We have spoken about it and I have told him it is just not a big deal for me when in reality something about marrying him doesn't sit well with me.
I worry a lot about the future too. Sure, it's ok now, but when I am 33, he will be 50. When I am 63, he will be 80. I know all of these things are a lifetime away, but he joked about it on the weekend and it kind of hit home with me. We have always lived in the moment in our relationship and I had never really stopped to think about the long term future. If we haven't had children by the time I am 33, he might be ok with being a 71+ year old father at our child's 21st, but I am not ok with that. He will also retire nearly 20 years before me and when it is time for me to retire, he will be either very old or passed away, leaving me on my own.
I only wish he was 15 or even 10 years younger! He is the perfect man!!!! He treats me like a queen and still tells me he loves me every single day. He puts me first. He trusts me. He allows me all the freedom in the world. He supports me. He doesn't belittle me. I know I am never going to find a man as wonderful... but I can't shake this feeling and I don't know what to do.
How do you tell someone who you mean the absolute world to that you are breaking up over the one thing they can't control or fix?!! Why has this started to bother me NOW?!!
How do I make him see that this has nothing to do with the person he is? I feel like I have been hit by a car, suddenly realising there is no long term future for us. Am I just an awful person??
It's all very romantic to say age is just a number and love is all you need, but just how realistic is it? Is it a head/heart battle?
And I'll bet that your Mom warned you about this happening...And you didn't believe her..
Hey you all I'm not arguing the fact that she should stay with him if things are that broken. If he is letting himself go to pieces well then...
If she isn't attracted to him for whatever reason so be it. I'm just saying being 40ish isn't the end of life c'mon. Me, I was always super skinny zero body fat, sure now that I am 43 I got some love handles going on. I'm still reasonable thin wearing size 34 pants as of now. If I was turning into a blob I would try to change it. Sure my hair has greys, I dye it and it changes everything. But I am at least in my mind still prime time baby. But I don't expect perfection in women either, some cellulite, some belly jelly or whatever I like it anyway. The one biggest thing anybody aging can do is dye their hair it makes a huge difference in appearance man oe woman.
But again, I can't help but think that he isn't picking up on bad vibes from her and if I were him I'd be loking for someone else anyway, but true without really knowing both of them hard to come to a complete conclusion about them as a couple.
Why are you still dating anyone after 5 years? If you don't know you want to marry someone after that long, then you most likely need to move on. My feeling is that you are wasting your best years with someone who is much too old for you. Your stages of life are way our of sinc.
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Do you think I would care if she was a age number of 60 and retired? The only thing I'd be doing is watching the clock until I get off work so I could get home and just.......
and also uncool.
LMAO
