What message is he sending?

[e.ortega]

Originally Posted by flamedharma

I was dating this guy and for various reasons we broke up. We decided to be friends because things really weren't bad, just not what we both needed at the time. Things eventually progressed into friends with benefits. We both accepted that we weren't seeing other people and well it is just good.

Life gets in the way and we don't contact each other for a while. And then out of the blue he calls, we hang out and partake in adult activities. I am totally cool with the friends with benefits. But this is where things get a little shaky. He starts to call more often, and finally I make time to hang out.

The stuff that I am not sure about what message he is sending me is on these factors....he got a little jealous when I started talking about my new friends at school, both male and female. What the heck does that mean. And he likes to kiss. Is kissing allowed with friends with benefits from a guys perspective.

I know what I want as of now from this relationship but I am not so sure that I know what he wants. I like the friends and the benefits are great. I do not want more then that as of right now, but couldn't imagine having the same relationship with others.

I think he wants a little more then that now and he gets jealous about your new friends because he thinks you might forget about him eventually meet someone else and he will be left out in the cold not even as a friend mind you forget about the benefits....

Careful not to hurt his feelings with what you two are doing. It's almost like playing with fire.

[le roi]

Originally Posted by flamedharma

I was dating this guy and for various reasons we broke up. We decided to be friends because things really weren't bad, just not what we both needed at the time. Things eventually progressed into friends with benefits. We both accepted that we weren't seeing other people and well it is just good.

Life gets in the way and we don't contact each other for a while. And then out of the blue he calls, we hang out and partake in adult activities. I am totally cool with the friends with benefits. But this is where things get a little shaky. He starts to call more often, and finally I make time to hang out.

The stuff that I am not sure about what message he is sending me is on these factors....he got a little jealous when I started talking about my new friends at school, both male and female. What the heck does that mean. And he likes to kiss. Is kissing allowed with friends with benefits from a guys perspective.

I know what I want as of now from this relationship but I am not so sure that I know what he wants. I like the friends and the benefits are great. I do not want more then that as of right now, but couldn't imagine having the same relationship with others.

don't listen to the haters. some people are envious of others' capacity to have meaningful, mutually satisfying sexual relationships without seriousness or long term committment.

having said that, it appears that you two do not communicate well. if "no kissing" is a boundary for you, you should tell him, not assume that there are "rules" to this sort of thing. some people want FWB to be monogamous, some people want FWB to be promiscuous, a cast of rotating characters. some people see it as a temporary situation, others may see it as a viable long-term arrangement. there is no governing body or standards-setting organization that i am aware of.

same goes for his jealousy. I have been in his shoes, jealous of the potential of someone else - even when I acknowledge it is illogical, and that I have put myself in a situation where I have no right to be jealous. if it seems that he won't be able to let go when the time comes, you should address that.. assuming that moving on at some point is part of the arrangment.

[IZthe411]

That FWB is a very damaging relationship because the rules are never clear cut. It's very hard for people to always separate the act from the feelings behind it.