Did anyone else have trouble dating or just meeting people after college? (girls, money)

[cdubs3201]

Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket

It's just that in college, like someone else on here said, you're surrounded by young people your age, mostly everyone is single, and the only thing to do is hang out around campus with your friends or your friends' friends.

It was so easy to meet and date girls in college; you'd see some girl in class, then run into her again at some party, and just the fact that you shared a class and knew a mutual friend was enough to blow her away, start a conversation and score a girlfriend (or at the very, very least, a make out session for the night)

But now that I've graduated and I'm back home, it's so hard to meet girls. I don't know that many people in my home town. There're no classmates, no parties to go to (and if there are, I'm not getting invited to them) no raging party goers who want to "introduce you to this chick" and so forth.

I only worked up the nerve to talk to this girl at a cafe a few weeks ago, and when I got her number and got a date with her, I was so excited, but she flaked a whole bunch of times and never called or responded to me again. The whole ordeal was a huge let down and very discouraging to me.

I always knew life after college would be tough; having to work, fewer nights to party and let loose, but I never thought I would have to face it alone. I don't even have the slightest prospect of a date now because I haven't met any girls except for that one flake since college.

I just want to know if there's anything to look forward to. Did anyone else have trouble dating or just meeting people after college? And will it get better?

I moved to a big city like Chicago right out of college and it's never been tough meeting new people. If you're in a small town, or even a suburb it can be tough as most of those people are getting married or maintain their high school circle of friends. If you move to a big city, you'll meet a lot of new people DAILY.

Otherwise you'll have to just contintue to sacrafice your self esteem to talk to random girls who will flake on you. I've always felt like the good girls in rural areas are already taken and you're left with the messed up girls.

[le roi]

Brown Leather Jacket,

It won't "get better". It'll go wherever you steer it. After college is not fundamentally any different. You might have some money. You can still hang out with college girls. Personally I love hanging out with people my age (26), where we're just barely mature enough to understand what it is like to work, and have adjusted to that life, but not too old that we don't like to get drunk and make some bad decisions

But the bottom line is that its up to you to start over, make friends, develop a new social life. Go get your career up and running, and move to a town with plenty of people who are the age you want to date.

I moved to the beach, with about 10 bars down the street, an ocean out front my house, and 12,000 college students in town. I didn't know anybody for 100 miles in any direction when I moved here - I just knew it was a great place to be. I mean I could have chosen to living on a farm somewhere in the swamp of south carolina, growing tobacco, like some of my friends.

[Huckleberry3911948]

strange stuff 1st 2 years had to fight the women off. then last 2 years it got quiet.
i think they find those shooting stars by then and drop the ones they think wont take them where they want to go. but they messeed up i was a late bloomer.--
you picked a fine time to leave me lucille i just hit a gusher in the lower left field--
ray stevens-- sing it.

[Brown Leather Jacket]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

It WILL get better, but you have to make that happen

I know it's tougher now that you are in the real world, but it's certainly not impossible. You just have to be willing to join some groups, maybe even a thriving church community.

I know one great way to meet lots of people is to join a meetup group. Every big city has these groups. They usually center around a particular interest. So what do you like to do? Bowl? Hike? Photography? Whatever your interests just google meetup groups, your city, your interest - something will likely pop up and you'll have a good starting point. Best of luck to you!

To be honest, I'm not really keen on meeting church-goers. Churchies don't tend to have wild parties or go bar hopping. Besides, not a lot of young girls seem to attend church often.

I like snowboarding and live music, but I looked at meetup.com and same problem; it seems to be primarily older people (and not a lot of women)

Where do all the 18-25 year old girls go?

[Brown Leather Jacket]

Originally Posted by miu

Okay. It sounds like in college you thought yourself quite the ladies man. However, what I see is that you had access to easy hookups and some FWB's. But did you ever have a long term girlfriend in college? As women get older, they are less interested in short term flings and more keen on dating a guy with long term potential. Mature adult women don't want to be a notch on a man's belt. No one wants to be a conquest. If you've never had a steady real romance for more than a couple of dates, then maybe you're giving off a vibe of being a wannabe player or just an FWB with the pretty women you are trying to meet now.

What do you consider long term, because for me, anything longer than a semester was "long term."

Keep in mind I was in college; my main goal was getting good grades and graduating, not finding a long term girlfriend. Besides, we'd always go home in the winter and summer, and it's easy to grow apart during vacations. I'm not particularly fond of long distance relationships.

Plus, it's just so hard to keep that chemistry and crazy attraction going longer than a couple of weeks. I never understood how guys my age could be with a girl for months or even years. How do you keep from getting bored? How do you keep the excitement and chemistry from fizzling?

[TabulaRasa]

Honestly, I didn't date at all in college (my college wasn't so much a place where people dated, it was more just FWBs and casual hookups, neither of which was my style, plus I just plain didn't make time...I was really into my academics and my music involvement and knew most of my friends through the latter, so I didn't really need to be a big social scenester to make and maintain friendships). So I actually dated a ton more AFTER college, when I was out in the world where people actually dated. I made a concerted effort to meet people, though. It didn't just happen, it took effort and planning and putting one's self out there. Same thing held true for developing friendships post-college. They don't necessarily just fall into your lap anymore.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket

To be honest, I'm not really keen on meeting church-goers. Churchies don't tend to have wild parties or go bar hopping. Besides, not a lot of young girls seem to attend church often...



Where do all the 18-25 year old girls go?

Don't assume, or pigeonhole...you might be surprised.

When I was 23-24 I WORKED for a church, and we all did plenty of barhopping. Don't know that we were "churchies," though. Not sure what all that entails.

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket

It's just that in college, like someone else on here said, you're surrounded by young people your age, mostly everyone is single, and the only thing to do is hang out around campus with your friends or your friends' friends.

It was so easy to meet and date girls in college; you'd see some girl in class, then run into her again at some party, and just the fact that you shared a class and knew a mutual friend was enough to blow her away, start a conversation and score a girlfriend (or at the very, very least, a make out session for the night)

But now that I've graduated and I'm back home, it's so hard to meet girls. I don't know that many people in my home town. There're no classmates, no parties to go to (and if there are, I'm not getting invited to them) no raging party goers who want to "introduce you to this chick" and so forth.

I only worked up the nerve to talk to this girl at a cafe a few weeks ago, and when I got her number and got a date with her, I was so excited, but she flaked a whole bunch of times and never called or responded to me again. The whole ordeal was a huge let down and very discouraging to me.

I always knew life after college would be tough; having to work, fewer nights to party and let loose, but I never thought I would have to face it alone. I don't even have the slightest prospect of a date now because I haven't met any girls except for that one flake since college.

I just want to know if there's anything to look forward to. Did anyone else have trouble dating or just meeting people after college? And will it get better?

Hi BLJ,

Yep. My father died, and I took over running his business out of college. For a while I was too busy to look, and then I didn't see anything. It had been so long I forgot and settle into a life as a non dating single. Next thing you know, your 30. College is so easy you are not prepared for civilian life. I do remember that seeing butch mothers in the burbs just gave me no motivation. I figured that would be my wife in 5 years.

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket

What do you consider long term, because for me, anything longer than a semester was "long term."

Keep in mind I was in college; my main goal was getting good grades and graduating, not finding a long term girlfriend. Besides, we'd always go home in the winter and summer, and it's easy to grow apart during vacations. I'm not particularly fond of long distance relationships.

Plus, it's just so hard to keep that chemistry and crazy attraction going longer than a couple of weeks. I never understood how guys my age could be with a girl for months or even years. How do you keep from getting bored? How do you keep the excitement and chemistry from fizzling?

Hi Brown Leather Jacket,

If you a good looking guy with charm, womanising. If not, prostitution.

[floridadreamer]

Originally Posted by Brown Leather Jacket

Plus, it's just so hard to keep that chemistry and crazy attraction going longer than a couple of weeks. I never understood how guys my age could be with a girl for months or even years. How do you keep from getting bored? How do you keep the excitement and chemistry from fizzling?

The point of dating is to find someone that you have something in common with, someone that peaks your interest in several ways, not just in the bedroom. You're right, currently you're looking desperate, and women can sense that. After college is when most women are likely tired of just partying and getting laid. They want to work on their careers and date someone like minded, many are looking for long term relationships that could lead to more down the road. If you are out there giving off a vibe that says, I just need to get laid, you are going to have a hard time.

My advise would be to just relax and try to do the things you enjoy. Along the ways you'll meet people that share your interests, and maybe they can hold your interest for more than 2 weeks.