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Old 11-13-2009, 01:26 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,682,985 times
Reputation: 42769

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Fair enough. But then there are people who make the same mistakes over and over again. What keeps them from learning? I'm truly curious.
If I knew, I would publish five books and be a kajillionaire.
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Old 11-13-2009, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,681,934 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Keeping myself in the condition and attitude as advertised. 100 marbles for me, and 101 for her.
Boy, THIS is also important

How many couples have you known who were on their best behavior during the dating period, sold their partner a "bill of goods", then completely quit putting all that effort in once the marriage license was signed?
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Old 11-13-2009, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,722 posts, read 5,469,243 times
Reputation: 2223
I honeslty don't know how we have managed 10 years; but we have and I don't see an end to it.
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Old 11-13-2009, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,681,934 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by another_hot-day View Post
I honeslty don't know how we have managed 10 years; but we have and I don't see an end to it.
But are you really happy? Lots of folks manage to stay married for decades, but that doesn't mean the marriage is/was happy and successful.

I hope yours is
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
17,029 posts, read 30,911,890 times
Reputation: 16265
Umm...I'm single but can I try...

Effectively communicate with your partner, things won't always be rosy but if your on the same page you can work through it.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
1,082 posts, read 2,402,129 times
Reputation: 1271
1. We respect each other, communicate openly, trust that each other's intentions usually are good (even if one of us does something that on the surface seems selfish or mean), never intentionally do anything to hurt each other, overlook each other's flaws (which we knew about before we got married, so it's no fair complaining about them now), are selective in our battles, express our love and appreciation for each other in some way every day, spend as much time as we can together, and always keep in mind why we fell in love and got married in the first place.

2. It's because every one of us has unconscious fears, motivations, desires, needs, fantasies, and coping behaviors, most of which were formed very early in our lives, before we were capable of understanding them. When we see someone else engaging in stupid behavior, we only know the simple surface details of their lives, and it's easy to offer simple solutions and advice that seem obvious to us. When we ourselves engage in stupid behaviors, though, we get lost in the forest of our own unconscious complexities. Think about it: whenever someone gives you a piece of advice that your gut tells you is right, but that you don't want to take, isn't your response usually something like, "But you don't understand all the details of the situation!" The problem is that we don't understand all the details of the situation ourselves. The more self-awareness you can develop -- through reflection, counseling, talking with friends, reading self-help books, getting older, gaining life experience, and becoming a student of human nature -- the fewer stupid behaviors (the ones that are obvious to everyone else) you'll engage in.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,617,448 times
Reputation: 16395
Well... I think the 'secret' to our relationship is that we're best friends who have lots of sex

He's truly the one person who I can hang out with all the time, who I choose to call if I'm in a dilemma, can watch cheesy horror movies with and can drink a bottle of wine then dance to 80s pop music with.

He's my best friend, with the added benefit of being snuggly
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,064 posts, read 18,004,464 times
Reputation: 3729
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
1) In one sentence only, what's your secret for success?

2) Reading through so many posts on here, why do you suppose there are so many clueless people on the relationship forum? I mean, during your average CD session, how many times do you slap your forehead and say, "My God, how could you be so stupid?"
Um, don't you think that 2) sounds rather condescending? It's one thing to want to huddle together about your successful LTRs and quite another to put other people down.

To some degree, every successful relationship has a strong element of luck to it -- the fact that two compatible people happened to live around the same place, at the same time, and were able to meet and get to know each other is fortuitous. The rest of us hope we can find that but, in the meantime, do the best we can. There is absolutely no reason to go all smug and call others "stupid."

Just my bit. Carry on, smug marrieds!
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,708,171 times
Reputation: 11309
I agree with CPG on the stupid posts. I also admire people who are married for good and keep it going.

But the stuff you people say is just baloney.

This is what is underneath a happy marriage.

LIES

It starts from, "You're the prettiest woman on the face of the earth". The rich and affluent have secret profiles on ashley madison or the emperor's club, even.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:34 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,682,985 times
Reputation: 42769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka View Post
It starts from, "You're the prettiest woman on the face of the earth".
Yes, dear, and you're the best lover I ever had.
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