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Since my divorce a couple of years ago I seem to be invisible to women. I live in Southern California, I'm 51, not bad-looking, and I think that I have a lot of qualities women are looking for -- romantic, caring, compassionate, emotional, intelligent, good in bed -- I'm sorry, it's not ego speaking. But I just do not seem women noticing me, not like I notice women. Is there some defensive mechanism that keeps women from seeing me, or acknowledging that I see them? Maybe I'm just plain unattractive and don't realize it.
Also, I do not seem to have been born with a capacity to start a conversation with someone I find myself attracted to in a public place. Something is holding me back -- fear of rejection, lack of confidence, but also a feeling that women are really smart and are on guard against guys picking them up, and that they things that occur to me all sound like "lines". Am I being too self-critical? Can I ask some advice from women who can help me out here? I'd rather here it from understanding and sympathetic women than from men who can tell me what "works for them", that sounds way too duplicitous. My email is sent to receive if you don't want to post.
Also, I do not seem to have been born with a capacity to start a conversation with someone I find myself attracted to in a public place. Something is holding me back -- fear of rejection, lack of confidence, but also a feeling that women are really smart and are on guard against guys picking them up, and that they things that occur to me all sound like "lines". Am I being too self-critical? Can I ask some advice from women who can help me out here? I'd rather here it from understanding and sympathetic women than from men who can tell me what "works for them", that sounds way too duplicitous. My email is sent to receive if you don't want to post.
Thank you for your support.
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm not a big conversationalist. I prefer to live the eccentric life. It's hard to live that way and be happy when you're not getting laid that much. So much for my plan, eh? I think what is holding me back is bad teeth. But I'm not much of a talkative person in real life to anyone, not just women. I just haven't met the one yet i guess.
It's hard to know what's going on without having met you but I would say for someone in your situation, online dating may be your best bet. I'm a 30-year-old female and I still find it difficult to meet people out and about so I would imagine that what you're going through is not all that uncommon. I have tried Internet dating several times in the past and overall it's been quite successful for me. I find there is less pressure because it's easier to make conversation since you already know a lot about the person from the profile. Also, you can better market yourself this way (mention that you are romantic, caring, intelligent, etc.). The other way to meet people is to simply join clubs/organizations so that you can meet people with similar interests as you and it's easier to make casual conversation in those settings.
Since my divorce a couple of years ago I seem to be invisible to women. I live in Southern California, I'm 51, not bad-looking, and I think that I have a lot of qualities women are looking for -- romantic, caring, compassionate, emotional, intelligent, good in bed -- I'm sorry, it's not ego speaking. But I just do not seem women noticing me, not like I notice women. Is there some defensive mechanism that keeps women from seeing me, or acknowledging that I see them? Maybe I'm just plain unattractive and don't realize it.
Also, I do not seem to have been born with a capacity to start a conversation with someone I find myself attracted to in a public place. Something is holding me back -- fear of rejection, lack of confidence, but also a feeling that women are really smart and are on guard against guys picking them up, and that they things that occur to me all sound like "lines". Am I being too self-critical? Can I ask some advice from women who can help me out here? I'd rather here it from understanding and sympathetic women than from men who can tell me what "works for them", that sounds way too duplicitous. My email is sent to receive if you don't want to post.
Thank you for your support.
I wouldn't worry so much about women...what I would consider is pleasing you and complementing the who of you...meaning, start living...stop concerning yourself with the above....allow things to happen...enjoy life and your singleness, explore the options of singleness, and do those things you always wanted to do, but never did.
Make a list, and accomplish each and every one of the...take it slow...go by yourself...learn to live with yourself and enjoy the company you keep...then, things will start to happen...don't analyze b/c as you learn to love who your are, all those questions will go away, and you'll simply cherish the you in you.
But I'm not much of a talkative person in real life to anyone, not just women. I just haven't met the one yet i guess.
It's not that I'm not a good conversationalist or not talkative. In fact, I interact really well and seems to have a very good, reactive sense of humor that goes well in conversations whether it's one person or a group. It's getting started that's my problem.
It's not that I'm not a good conversationalist or not talkative. In fact, I interact really well and seems to have a very good, reactive sense of humor that goes well in conversations whether it's one person or a group. It's getting started that's my problem.
I can be when I want. But I have the same problem getting started like you, and then going to the next level.
It's not that I'm not a good conversationalist or not talkative. In fact, I interact really well and seems to have a very good, reactive sense of humor that goes well in conversations whether it's one person or a group. It's getting started that's my problem.
Try asking for some sort of help, like "Excuse me. I'm shopping for a Mother's Day gift and I'm clueless. What would you get for an 85-year-old woman who loves cats?" Or, at the grocery store, "I'm supposed to take an appetizer to an office lunch and I'm trying to be creative. I know it's weird to ask a stranger, but I'm not much of a cook. Do you have any ideas?"
Or "I couldn't help but notice your [dog, car, gadget]. I've been thinking of getting one myself. How is it working out for you?"
If she blows you off, oh well. If she smiles and starts talking, there you go. Later, if she finds out you were making it all up, be honest and say "I wanted to talk to you and didn't know how to get started."
Since my divorce a couple of years ago I seem to be invisible to women. I live in Southern California, I'm 51, not bad-looking, and I think that I have a lot of qualities women are looking for -- romantic, caring, compassionate, emotional, intelligent, good in bed -- I'm sorry, it's not ego speaking. But I just do not seem women noticing me, not like I notice women. Is there some defensive mechanism that keeps women from seeing me, or acknowledging that I see them? Maybe I'm just plain unattractive and don't realize it.
Also, I do not seem to have been born with a capacity to start a conversation with someone I find myself attracted to in a public place. Something is holding me back -- fear of rejection, lack of confidence, but also a feeling that women are really smart and are on guard against guys picking them up, and that they things that occur to me all sound like "lines". Am I being too self-critical? Can I ask some advice from women who can help me out here? I'd rather here it from understanding and sympathetic women than from men who can tell me what "works for them", that sounds way too duplicitous. My email is sent to receive if you don't want to post.
Thank you for your support.
Hey guy I just have one question for u- Where have u been all of my life? "romantic, compassionate, caring....and good..." Woe u sound perfect. I think it is hard recovering from a long term relatoinship and it takes time. U may have to work at getting back in the swing of dating. It sounds easy enough, but it is hard. U should give yourself a break and stop pressuring yourself to measure up to whatever standard it is u think u should. I would just concentrate on being me, staying positive and making myself emotionally available. The right women will come along and notice u. U may not need to start the conversation. She will. Be encouraged and if u don't find anyone PM me
I like Marlow's advice. I start conversations with perfect strangers all the time by commenting possitively on what they're wearing, what they're doing, etc.
My advice for the club is for you all to take a long look in a full length mirror. What do you have on? Is it an old stretched out and stained t-shirt, ratty sneakers perhaps, jeans with holes in them? How are your nails, beard, hair, teeth? I'm only guessing here but from what I see on the street plenty of people could use a survey of this kind.
Good luck, if you look appealing enough I'm betting people will start conversations with you first.
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So much for my plan, eh? I think what is holding me back is bad teeth. But I'm not much of a talkative person in real life to anyone, not just women. I just haven't met the one yet i guess.
