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I have ignored my instincts and better judgment most of my life. Thinking back, just about every person I felt poorly about turned out to be a huge disappointment or worse. I've been learning, over the last few years, to pay attention to these feelings while trying to maintain a balanced approach and view.
I was away this weekend with the guy I am dating. We met up with some of his friends and co-workers. One in particular, a woman I have met a few times before, was also there. I really have no reason to dislike her; she has done nothing to me. But there is something nagging at me about her that I pick up on every time I see her. There's a certain disingenuous, sneakiness about her; it's dark. I've felt this way from the moment I met her. I don't treat her any differently and, until she does something to offend me, it will stay that way.
Can anyone relate? I'm not talking about catty, estrogenic pettiness or paranoia. Just really bad vibes. Do you believe in them? Do you pay attention?
Everyone believes that they're are a good judge of character. That they have good instincts and insight about the essential character of someone. But would you bet money on these 'vibes'? Just how accurate is this mind or heart reading? From what I've seen not very. This vibe reading is often little more than indulgence in preconceived prejudices. The wise don't disregard this guess, but limit their bets to a few dollars. I'm sure Jeffery Dahmer gave off a bad vibe. You would have been correct. But if you'd run into Ted Bundy you would likely be dead.
Like vibes cousin, people watching, it's a fun hobby. Just don't take it too seriously.
Robertjohnson raised a good point about vibe reading. I like the Dahmer/Bundy analogy! While in most cases I have been right regarding my intial impression of someone, there have been times I was wrong and discovered that the person in question wasn't so bad afterall. Now had I not been open-minded about giving them a chance, I'd have missed out on some cool folks. I think proceeding with caution is always the best approach in any potential friendship, not too fast but not too paranoid either.
but what if one's past experience has mostly been right?
i sometimes find i get a vibe when i meet somebody the first time, kind of like the person is a dick, and usually when i get to know them better i am usually right. it's not something i can help really, but to me it makes little rational sense to be around somebody who does not make me feel comfortable.
No doubt, I have been duped by people who didn't set off alarms at first. But I think there was something there that, perhaps, someone with a better eye would have picked up on. Admittedly, I found certain behaviors to be normal when they weren't really acceptable, it was all I knew at the time.
Now, the sirens go off like mad and I can't ignore them. I have to take a step back and ask myself if I'm just being hypervigilant, but I don't believe I am. I've done pretty well with not letting my past affect my present and future interactions. I trust my judgment now more than I ever have.
I started a threat a while ago about being a good judge of character.
I stand as someone who has not always been good, but I've gotten somewhat better. When I get odd vibes from somebody, my defensive instincts go on overdrive. I know there are some people I'm acquainted with right now who just rub me the wrong way. I stay away from them as much as possible.
I agree some people are very sneaky and show a good face to the world - and can be deceptive.
I have ignored my instincts and better judgment most of my life. Thinking back, just about every person I felt poorly about turned out to be a huge disappointment or worse. I've been learning, over the last few years, to pay attention to these feelings while trying to maintain a balanced approach and view.
I was away this weekend with the guy I am dating. We met up with some of his friends and co-workers. One in particular, a woman I have met a few times before, was also there. I really have no reason to dislike her; she has done nothing to me. But there is something nagging at me about her that I pick up on every time I see her. There's a certain disingenuous, sneakiness about her; it's dark. I've felt this way from the moment I met her. I don't treat her any differently and, until she does something to offend me, it will stay that way.
Can anyone relate? I'm not talking about catty, estrogenic pettiness or paranoia. Just really bad vibes. Do you believe in them? Do you pay attention?
I am very gifted at being able to judge people. I have had three of the most wonderful husbands and several good, decent men in-between. When I used to be in management and was responsible for hiring/firing, etc., I could figure people out pretty easily. As a result my turn-over rate was one of the lowest in the company. One of my peer managers, whose turn over rate was astronomical asked me what my secret was. LOL All you have to do is listen when people talk and be able to pick up those subtle little cues. I do it instinctively, I guess.
I am very gifted at being able to judge people. I have had three of the most wonderful husbands and several good, decent men in-between. When I used to be in management and was responsible for hiring/firing, etc., I could figure people out pretty easily. As a result my turn-over rate was one of the lowest in the company. One of my peer managers, whose turn over rate was astronomical asked me what my secret was. LOL All you have to do is listen when people talk and be able to pick up those subtle little cues. I do it instinctively, I guess.
20yrsinBranson
care to share these 'cues?"
intonation? vocabulary? body language? Do they stutter? Are they calm and confident? Do they look away from you as if to indicate lying? etc.
intonation? vocabulary? body language? Do they stutter? Are they calm and confident? Do they look away from you as if to indicate lying? etc.
One big thing is smiling. When I am talking to people I try to be on the jovial side and when I don't get any smiles from people it is a red flag to me. Now, I understand in a job interview that people are nervous and are trying to project a sense of seriousness, but even so, when you say something funny, if people don't laugh, they should at least smile.
Another aspect is people who do not listen to you but have the attitude that they "already know" what you are going to say, or start talking about the subject like they are experts. Again, I understand that the job interview scenario is very different than casual conversation, but even so, a person should not come across as a know-it-all, not even letting you finish your point before taking off with it.
Then of couse, there are the people whose lives are in perpetual drama. Honestly, I have interviewed people who will sit there and tell you the most horrific and intimate details of their pathetic lives. I am a very strong believer in the concept that we all make our own reality, so my thoughts are that if these people "choose" to make this reality, there are some pretty serious problems/issues there.
It's a funny thing, I'll tell you. I have a co-worker now who I get very bad "vibes" from and I cannot really put my finger on what it is. She is a very sweet person (smiles a lot!), is very polite, never says a bad word about anyone. Never gossips, has no drama in her life. The "boss" just loves her because she is a hard-worker, dependable, etc. For all appearances she is one heck of a swell person. And Yet. I am not comfortable around her and I am not sure why. I'm sure that one of these days, the reason will show itself. LOL
All animals are endowed with instinct as a means of self-protection and self-preservation, including humans. Animals in the wild never doubt their instincts, but humans seem to be losing that ability. It's not really the same as a character judgment, it's something deeper that feels quite different. I've been wrong about whether someone was a nice person or not, when I got to know them further. But I've never been wrong when my gut said, "beware, something's not right here."
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