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Old 11-17-2009, 01:46 PM
 
8 posts, read 13,354 times
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No sanity in this world can justify a crime as horrible as a murder of someone whom one used to claim as loving "once upon a time". Fighting that inner devil inside who is badly severed by someone you loved, is probably the hardest thing to do on earth. Why are someone's loved ones at the biggest risk at being murdered by the very person that claims to love them? Probably the most frequent example of such crimes is the usual breakups, heartaches and divorces. It is a very difficult topic to understand in Western societies but in Eastern societies, it is the most frequent thing to happen. People will kill their own loved ones especially sisters, wives or daughters due to honor of the whole family being violated by some indecent acts with an outsider. Even in western societies, there are usually events where a jealous husband or an Ex will come forth to commit a horrible crime against his own loved one. That is "not" a human act, it is an animal instinct. Biologically, psychologically and naturally, the same love that protects their own loved one can turn into a hatred which nobody could fathom.

Unfortunately, even the most educated and the most nurtured ones would indulge into an act as terrible as a murder or violence. All of us have our own lives to live and nobody has any right towards our life except that however we want that to be. But unfortunately, we do so easily say to anyone "I love you" without knowing the deep incision that single word could have caused in the other person's mind and the whole being. That person might be loving everyone else but might have not been loved back like he always deserved. But when you'd say "I love you" to that person and then do some "stuff" to them to show that you mean them, then that person will become "too much" attached with you. That attachment is the most dangerous element that can happen. Cause the same person who'd attach with you and you'd give that person your money, life, love, anything imaginable and make him used to yourself. And when later, due to any reason, logical to your own self, when you'd decide to take yourself out of that person's life, that particular person could violently react. That violent reaction can't necessarily mean that that person started hating you but that could very possibly mean that every single moment of his life has become so much dependent on you that it'd be impossible for that person to imagine a life without you. So, he'd prefer death for himself and yourself over a life being separated.

In the western society, those breakups start happening at a very young age i.e. Teenage when no kids, house, money, career, etc., are involved and usually a quick get over, move on and normal life can resume after that little "pause". However, in the Eastern societies, people wait until 25 or 30 years of age by remaining virgins and wanting a life-partner instead of just a girl-friend. Now it is so easy to generalize this article being written only about "murderous" divorcees or separated loved ones. That is not the case and although I don't need to defend anything here, but still I'm very much disturbed by those violent acts committed by men and women out there in the name of separation or divorce.

The most stupid thing that we do in our pursuit of protecting ourselves and kids is that we'd run towards Police, courts and security measures to ensure our own safety from that dangerous Ex-husband or Ex-wife of ours. That can so easily anger and inflame that person who is already hurt due to such a mishap in thier lives. It is very difficult to communicate the logics, reasons and trying to calm the person who thinks he or she has been wronged. This is the most delicate moment in the life of both persons. One needs to move on and the other one needs to know his or her own problems, issues or recognize that they were not a match at all. Hence, the most important, critical and probably a life-saver thing is the "communication" between two even after such a divorce or separation. The absence of such a communication is obviously going to invite the happening of those acts which even our wildest dreams could not imagine as possible. Someone asked a wise person where did you get that much wisdom? He answered he got is from fools cause whatever those fools would do, he won't do them, hence he became the wisest person on earth.

So, hopefully any of you who are either saying "I love you" to someone right now, or trying to recover from a tragedy like separation or divorce, the most important thing is continuous communication and slowly phasing them out of your lives. Any quick get over, move on and "affair" could simply ignite that flame which is on top of the kind of ammunition that'd turn everything into a nightmare not only for the victims but for the whole world via newspaper or TV reporting. Hopefully these words of mine will help "avert" a single tragedy out there from happening and that these words will find a listening ear.

And lastly, finally and probably the most important thing for anyone trying to recover from that wound caused by a "I love you", you must realize that love is not something that just happens. That could be anything but love. Cause true love never leaves you and even if it does due to any stupid reasons, it never ever wants any harm to be done to you. A true love could never ever even think of leaving you. Hence whoever left you was never the person who loved you truly. That person might have needed a temporary shelter, get over, or moving on, but you were never their destiny. Those poor souls might themselves be nomad travelers of life, trying to take revenge of someone stupid leaving them from poor souls like yourself who were so very much true, sincere and loyal. They were probably using you just as a rebound, but they never loved you. True love does not just happen and vanish just like that. It always stays in the air, never ever going away even after you took your last breath.

Amir
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:23 PM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,078,374 times
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A few points here...
  • no sanity in this world can justify a crime as horrible as a murder of someone whom one used to claim as loving "once upon a time"

What you're talking about rarely happens, at least in American culture. There are those few deranged psychopaths that murder because they were cheated on, but that's just a very very tiny segment of the population. The problem here is this: This is the stuff that the media makes money from. As long as this is the case, we'll keep seeing stories of murder and mayhem, even though these stories don't represent the whole of our culture. Most people work through their problems, and move on from things like responsible adults.
  • ...we do so easily say to anyone "i love you" without knowing the deep incision that single word could have caused in the other person's mind and the whole being.
I'll agree with you on one point here; we tend to use those three words too lightly and without meaning. I really think that has more to do with ignorance, rather than intent. A lot of people simply fail to realize the difference between lust, infatuation, loneliness, desire, and love. At times, all those things can feel like love, but those things also fade away..

As Shakespeare wrote, (or didn't write), "Love's not times fool." Love is lasting, it is timeless. There was once a girl that I fell in love with, and even though she's not with us today, I still love her, and will until the day I die.

But, at the same time, I don't think that those words create a "deep incision" as you say. Words are merely words. It takes action to give those words meaning. It's the actions of people that cause pain and grief, not just the words.
  • The most stupid thing that we do in our pursuit of protecting ourselves and kids is that we'd run towards police, courts and security measures to ensure our own safety from that dangerous ex-husband or ex-wife of ours.
This is simply not the case. If the ex has become that violent, or has shown signs of potentially becoming violent, then the person must get help immediately. If they simply try to move on, as you suggest, that ex could take advantage of that by harassing them or worse. Anytime anyone's lives could be in danger, it's always best to call the authorities. What you say just isn't good advice at all.
  • True love never leaves you and even if it does due to any stupid reasons, it never ever wants any harm to be done to you. A true love could never ever even think of leaving you. Hence whoever left you was never the person who loved you truly.
Now this, on the other hand, is excellent advice, and something that everyone who has ever been heartbroken should remember. Well said there..
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Old 11-18-2009, 01:52 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,691 posts, read 86,849,999 times
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Anyone care to do a Cliffs Notes summary?
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Old 11-18-2009, 02:11 AM
 
3,320 posts, read 4,705,357 times
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This is why I told them we needed a true crime sub forum...but it fell on deaf ears *sigh*
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Old 11-18-2009, 02:12 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,691 posts, read 86,849,999 times
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Hah
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:13 AM
 
8 posts, read 13,354 times
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Exclamation Urban.. good points, yet, pls. see this explanatory note!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
What you're talking about rarely happens, at least in American culture.
OK. Next time, whenever I hear any such news or a sob story of someone around me, I'm going to write it off as a mere media hype

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I don't think that those words create a "deep incision" as you say. Words are merely words.
For a thinking mind, sensible heart and someone looking for love, a few words like that "I love you" could mean LIFE to that person. Now, I'm not referring to someone saying them only for sex or some other infatuation or lust. I'm talking about those people, who are very much calm, relaxed, sure, and having tears in their eyes when saying them. And despite you seeking confirmation for 100 times, it always seems that that person does "mean" those words. After having such a profound impact on heart, if someone says to you later, that he or she was just not themselves or did not know what they meant, or something like that, that is where the whole universe seems like spinning around you and "if" you were truly in love with that person, you'd simply lose the whole "sanity", "wisdom", "education", "nurturing" and anything that Plato/Socrates did their best to bring inside you or me, the whole soul would turn into a beast just like any jealous animal out there and bite you so hard that you'd wonder how come your mere words "I love you" could be that much fatal? All of us speak lies all the time. But this sort of lie when you speak to someone who has never been loved before, can create unimaginable tragedy out there. This Christmas, when a small child opened the door, the furious Ex killed that little innocent child first before killing and setting the whole of his In-Laws family on fire. My mind is simply shocked by such news and horrible stories and really wonder that only if we could educate our own loved ones and everyone around us about what, how, where and why "I love you" is about, we could save not only his/her life but many other innocent lives out there as well. And one more thing, it is so easy for me too to turn anything or anyone as "psycho" when I can't understand his/her actions or words. But we never ever try to venture into why did that person end up being wherever he/she is. In American culture, I've noticed this a lot that we should "Fkkking mind your own business". I remember a story which my mother told me when I was a kid. There was a cat and a pigeon couple. The female pigeon saw cat coming to them. The male pigeon said to her that it was either problem with her vision or cats are not that strong to eat them alive. The female cat ran away saving her life and the male pigeon sat there keeping his eyes shut, believing the cat will just walk away. The cat came and had a wonderful and tasty dinner on him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
If the ex has become that violent, or has shown signs of potentially becoming violent, then the person must get help immediately. If they simply try to move on, as you suggest, that ex could take advantage of that by harassing them or worse. Anytime anyone's lives could be in danger, it's always best to call the authorities. What you say just isn't good advice at all.
That was the whole point of my article before. And obviously I failed in conveying the "gist" of whatever I wanted to say due to English not being my mother language. There are those criminal-minded people which you just referred to and yes, they do need to be handled by authorities. But the whole situation like the one I referred to, is so much delicate that even the most educated, sane and normal-looking person can turn violent if an Ex tries to implicate him or her through Police, courts and other stuff. As long there is communication between two in any shape, they'd be able to slowly phase each other out of their respective lives. After all, it was not a fast food dinner at a McDonalds to go away just like that. Now, pls. excuse my English "again".....

Now I may seem to disagree 100% with everything that you said. For that, I'd seek your forgiveness. However, I'm impressed by you giving so much importance to my words that you thought of responding to them point-wise. I'm honored

hugs and warm regards,

amir
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,001 posts, read 18,174,395 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post


There was a cat and a pigeon couple. The female pigeon saw cat coming to them. The male pigeon said to her that it was either problem with her vision or cats are not that strong to eat them alive. The female cat ran away saving her life and the male pigeon sat there keeping his eyes shut, believing the cat will just walk away. The cat came and had a wonderful and tasty dinner on him.


amir


I remember that. I was that cat.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:09 AM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,078,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover View Post
Anyone care to do a Cliffs Notes summary?
That's just funny... I had to read it a couple times to get all of it, but aatayyab does have some good points..


Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post
OK. Next time, whenever I hear any such news or a sob story of someone around me, I'm going to write it off as a mere media hype
I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, believe me, I wish it didn't.. But, a lot of the fear and paranoia that people face is, in fact, due to media hype. The world isn't all doom and gloom, and no, the world isn't falling apart.. In fact, historically, we live in one of the most stable periods of time that have ever existed. We have more medical knowledge than humans have ever had before, we have more technology than ever before (that's a different story though), and most people realize the impact of bad decisions more than ever before. I think I feel a lot safer now than if I would have lived even 100 years before...

Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post
For a thinking mind, sensible heart and someone looking for love, a few words like that "I love you" could mean LIFE to that person. Now, I'm not referring to someone saying them only for sex or some other infatuation or lust. I'm talking about those people, who are very much calm, relaxed, sure, and having tears in their eyes when saying them. And despite you seeking confirmation for 100 times, it always seems that that person does "mean" those words. After having such a profound impact on heart, if someone says to you later, that he or she was just not themselves or did not know what they meant, or something like that, that is where the whole universe seems like spinning around you and "if" you were truly in love with that person, you'd simply lose the whole "sanity", "wisdom", "education", "nurturing" and anything that Plato/Socrates did their best to bring inside you or me, the whole soul would turn into a beast just like any jealous animal out there and bite you so hard that you'd wonder how come your mere words "I love you" could be that much fatal? All of us speak lies all the time. But this sort of lie when you speak to someone who has never been loved before, can create unimaginable tragedy out there. This Christmas, when a small child opened the door, the furious Ex killed that little innocent child first before killing and setting the whole of his In-Laws family on fire. My mind is simply shocked by such news and horrible stories and really wonder that only if we could educate our own loved ones and everyone around us about what, how, where and why "I love you" is about, we could save not only his/her life but many other innocent lives out there as well.
I get what you're saying here, and you do have a valid point - which really, was what I was saying before. I was just trying to clarify a couple things.

I'll try to explain what I meant..

Words are just words alone, actions add meaning to those words.

For example, if I just met someone and the next day told them, "I love you", those words would be meaningless because there's no depth to them. It would be the equivalent of walking up to a stranger on the street and saying that.. more than likely, you'd just get a blank look.

But, take those words and add time, passion, feeling, meaning to those words, and then they become powerful. It's rare, but with enough passion and anger, it can kill, but again, that's rare.

Still, your point is a good one here.. Before people say those words, they need to really mean them. They shouldn't be said unless there's absolute truth behind them. When one person says it, and doesn't mean it, that's when the other person gets hurt. I don't believe there is such a thing as "falling out of love", that doesn't happen unless you wern't truly in love to begin with. As you said, someone truly in love wouldn't ever have the desire to hurt the person they loved..

Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post
And one more thing, it is so easy for me too to turn anything or anyone as "psycho" when I can't understand his/her actions or words. But we never ever try to venture into why did that person end up being wherever he/she is. In American culture, I've noticed this a lot that we should "Fkkking mind your own business".
I agree with this - not totally, but I agree. It goes back to what I said on another thread.. It seems as if a lot people are so self absorbed that they don't take the time to understand another human being. If we would take the time to "step into another person's shoes", then I think there would be less hate, less misunderstandings in the world..

As for this just being American culture, it's not - this happens everywhere. A lot of it is human nature, a lot of it's just the world that we live in now. I have family in Europe, and they tend to act the same way.. I have some friends from Russia and Africa, and still, it's the same.


Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post
I remember a story which my mother told me when I was a kid. There was a cat and a pigeon couple. The female pigeon saw cat coming to them. The male pigeon said to her that it was either problem with her vision or cats are not that strong to eat them alive. The female cat ran away saving her life and the male pigeon sat there keeping his eyes shut, believing the cat will just walk away. The cat came and had a wonderful and tasty dinner on him.
I never heard that story, but thanks for sharing that.. it has a good moral to it - one that can be taken in several different ways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post
That was the whole point of my article before. And obviously I failed in conveying the "gist" of whatever I wanted to say due to English not being my mother language. There are those criminal-minded people which you just referred to and yes, they do need to be handled by authorities. But the whole situation like the one I referred to, is so much delicate that even the most educated, sane and normal-looking person can turn violent if an Ex tries to implicate him or her through Police, courts and other stuff. As long there is communication between two in any shape, they'd be able to slowly phase each other out of their respective lives. After all, it was not a fast food dinner at a McDonalds to go away just like that. Now, pls. excuse my English "again".....
First, don't worry about your English, you did great.. In fact, a lot better than most people! I can tell that you took the time to do your best at learning it - have pride in that! It's always a big accomplishment to learn a second language as well as you did..

Anyway, I still disagree with this. I understand what you're saying (I think): If that violent person catches you going to the authorities, they may try to stop you and do something violent before you can go.. Or, if they aren't violent, by you going, you could push them to become violent. I think that's what you meant, either one or another, or both of what I said there.

Again though, I say that if the person becomes violent, or has the potential to become violent, immediately go to the authorities. Be smart about it and don't take chances, but go.. you're life is important, and if you're that scared of this person then something has to be done.

As to a person becoming violent when one goes to the police, I've seen that happen before, so I understand what you're saying there. But, in this case, neither side did anything so wrong that the police needed to be involved. It was because a vindictive wife wanted to "get even" with her husband. Still, all the husband did was get a divorce, and politely slash her tires. Ignorance is bliss. Of course, he went to jail for that... but that's an aside.

You're right, the two people need to take time to work through their problems before it becomes too much to handle. If everyone had that much understanding and patience, we'd all be a lot better off.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aatayyab View Post
Now I may seem to disagree 100% with everything that you said. For that, I'd seek your forgiveness. However, I'm impressed by you giving so much importance to my words that you thought of responding to them point-wise. I'm honored

hugs and warm regards,

amir
My friend, you don't ever have to ask forgiveness for expressing your opinion. Everyone has different views on life, that's to be expected. I actually agree with a lot that you have to say, you do make some very good points.. It's not something that we think about that often.. and there's so much here that I think the people that do read it will walk away having learned a little more about themselves and the world around them. Good post..

I wish you the best..
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:10 AM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,078,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
I remember that. I was that cat.
"LMAO"!!! Man, you're just crazy.. Tried to rep ya for that one, but, gotta spread the love.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,675,488 times
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I think you make a lot of valid points and I can relate to what you are saying. I wish the world was not like this. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that words are cheap. People can and do say anything to get what they want. Then after they have what they want they often leave you hurt, bewildered, and broken-hearted. Picking up the pieces and moving on is difficult, but you have to do it. I wish you well.
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