How to online date (dating, wife, marriage, women)

[gwynedd1]

I have seen enough of the bad its time for me to pontificate.

I don't know how it works in the pragmatic wam bam sphere but for the series SO your profile should be:

1. Professional photographs. What are you thinking with those cheap shots with bad lighting and a piece of spinach between your teeth? What do you do at an interview? Dress up in the style of clothing you seek. If you like casual, make it the best causal you have. If you like men or women who dress up, then dress the part.

2. No negatives. I just saw "don't want one night stands" . I see bitterness and too much attention to negative details. Politicians don't advertise "won't blow up the world". Advertise general positives only.

3. Keep it simple. If a man mentions he likes to play guitar, someone might imagine an unambitious hippie even if its its not even close. If a women mentions she likes to travel, think "high maintenance." Politicians don't give details. Save it for later when you can be sure its interpreted correctly.

4. Do not be too casual. Who wants to picture a stranger helping themselves in your refrigerator already? You already just invaded their space just with your profile. Its dirty socks and underwear. Let them invite you in to it.

5. No other people. Don't mention them. Do not appear with them in your photos. Who is that guy/girl anyway? See rule number one.

6. No objects of any kind. No phallic symbols or Venus fly traps.

7. Its all about what you, and what you might do for them. You cannot possibly compete with their own imaginations and it keeps you in the position to select and not them.

[movin'on]

All good points, but I won't do the online thing again.

The last guy I met online was featured on our local news. I imagine he is sitting is some jail cell somewhere right about now.

[wigirl920]

You forgot to add no mentioning of previous relationships ("I was with this guy/girl and he screwed me over..." or "I was married for 10 years but he/she didn't appreciate me..."). Those are turn-offs, whether in an online personal ad or said in person.

We all have baggage to some degree but there's really no need to advertise it.

[HansProof]

Yeah, 90%+ of the women's profiles online just scream low self-esteem.

"This is my first time on here/doing this..."

Hello, "back" button

"I want a man..."

Back button

"I've been burnt in the past and..."

Back button

"Looking for someone who won't abuse me..."

Back...errr, no wait, I'll email you, we'll chat, meet for coffee, walk you to your car, then I'll backhand you across your face, then jump in my truck, race home, sign on to date.com again, pull up your profile, laugh, then and only THEN hit the "back button

How about the stupid girls?

"I like to have fun!"

See, we wouldn't get along because I'm the one person in this world who doesn't like to have any fun at all. Wow, what an ironic and twisted coincidence

"Must like animals."

Screw animals, kill'm all...even puppies...even puppies with cute little leg twitches when they sleep.

"

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Online dating is scary

[RosemaryT]

There's a reason that women have low self-esteem. It's because we've been kicked to the curb by so many idiot men who are looking for a Barbie doll in the flesh.

Online dating is scarier than hell, especially if you're a 40-something woman who's already nervous as a cat about her "less than beautiful" appearance. Online dating is very, very, very hard on the psyche.

I had 70 first dates. Yeah, it's true. I really had 70 first dates. And I learned a lot about men. And eventually, I found the man of my dreams. This is a second marriage for both of us. But if - heaven forbid - anything happened to him, I'd never date again. NEVER.

There are just way too many idiots with way too many addictions and problems and bad habits. I'm sorry, but way too many men are just pigs.

Sorry, but it's true. When I was in the dating world, I'd listen to these foolish men babble on and on about needing to feel "chemistry." That's just BS, pure, undiluted BS.

And you know what's *almost* funny is that these same men would go on and on about how much they hated their ex-wife or ex-sweetheart. They'd spare no detail telling me how she was such a witch and a lousy mother and a self-centered, maniacal, crazy whack-job. After they'd exhausted themselves, I'd ask them one simple question:

What attracted you to her in the first place?

And these men would always - and I mean *ALWAYS* - say the same thing: "She was so beautiful. Men would go pea-green with envy when I walked into a room with her."

Duh!

I guess beauty has its price for men, too.

Like, 20 years of alimony payments.

I've had it with men. Really. I had my heart sliced and diced into too many pieces to count by men who thought it was A-ok to tell me, "I was hoping to find someone a little thinner...prettier...shorter...whatever."

When I was doing all this dating (from 2002 to 2006), I was also traveling around the country and promoting my books. I'm an author and a public speaker. I had the career of my dreams and I was having a lot of success. I appeared on PBS History Detectives and A&E's Biography and many more. So here I was - this witty, intelligent, accomplished author - and all men cared about was the fact that I didn't have "the look."

What do they think happens in 20 years to women who *DO* have the look??? It is such a puzzle. The men who go hunting for a babe - for that "eye candy" or a trophy wife - they get exactly what they deserve. I got kicked to the curb too many times to count because I wasn't blonde and petite.

I swear, I think some of these men just can't stand the idea of having a woman who is an intellectual equal. Or maybe they can't bear the idea of spending time with a woman who is actually *smarter* than they are? Who knows. I found my fishie and he's a keeper.

Sorry for the rant (kinda) but I think most men are clueless as to what it's like to be a less-than-beautiful woman in a world that judges you first and foremost by a thumbnail profile picture.

Rose
author, The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by RosemaryT

There's a reason that women have low self-esteem. It's because we've been kicked to the curb by so many idiot men who are looking for a Barbie doll in the flesh.

Online dating is scarier than hell, especially if you're a 40-something woman who's already nervous as a cat about her "less than beautiful" appearance. Online dating is very, very, very hard on the psyche.

I had 70 first dates. Yeah, it's true. I really had 70 first dates. And I learned a lot about men. And eventually, I found the man of my dreams. This is a second marriage for both of us. But if - heaven forbid - anything happened to him, I'd never date again. NEVER.

There are just way too many idiots with way too many addictions and problems and bad habits. I'm sorry, but way too many men are just pigs.

Sorry, but it's true. When I was in the dating world, I'd listen to these foolish men babble on and on about needing to feel "chemistry." That's just BS, pure, undiluted BS.

And you know what's *almost* funny is that these same men would go on and on about how much they hated their ex-wife or ex-sweetheart. They'd spare no detail telling me how she was such a witch and a lousy mother and a self-centered, maniacal, crazy whack-job. After they'd exhausted themselves, I'd ask them one simple question:

What attracted you to her in the first place?

And these men would always - and I mean *ALWAYS* - say the same thing: "She was so beautiful. Men would go pea-green with envy when I walked into a room with her."

Duh!

I guess beauty has its price for men, too.

Like, 20 years of alimony payments.

I've had it with men. Really. I had my heart sliced and diced into too many pieces to count by men who thought it was A-ok to tell me, "I was hoping to find someone a little thinner...prettier...shorter...whatever."

When I was doing all this dating (from 2002 to 2006), I was also traveling around the country and promoting my books. I'm an author and a public speaker. I had the career of my dreams and I was having a lot of success. I appeared on PBS History Detectives and A&E's Biography and many more. So here I was - this witty, intelligent, accomplished author - and all men cared about was the fact that I didn't have "the look."

What do they think happens in 20 years to women who *DO* have the look??? It is such a puzzle. The men who go hunting for a babe - for that "eye candy" or a trophy wife - they get exactly what they deserve. I got kicked to the curb too many times to count because I wasn't blonde and petite.

I swear, I think some of these men just can't stand the idea of having a woman who is an intellectual equal. Or maybe they can't bear the idea of spending time with a woman who is actually *smarter* than they are? Who knows. I found my fishie and he's a keeper.

Sorry for the rant (kinda) but I think most men are clueless as to what it's like to be a less-than-beautiful woman in a world that judges you first and foremost by a thumbnail profile picture.

Rose
author, The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating.

Re-iterates my belief that internet dating is scary.

Here's to hoping that you never have to go online dating again

But I gotta admit I have grown fond of someone who lives in another state

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by wigirl920

You forgot to add no mentioning of previous relationships ("I was with this guy/girl and he screwed me over..." or "I was married for 10 years but he/she didn't appreciate me..."). Those are turn-offs, whether in an online personal ad or said in person.

We all have baggage to some degree but there's really no need to advertise it.

Hi wigirl920,

Absolutely. That is more or less a relevant instance of points 5 and 2.

[GypsySoul22]

Rosemary, if I were a successful author, I would just tell these jackasses to **** off when they began their laundry list of 'why women have to be hot enough to make my drinking buddies drool.'

Heck, I'd do it now! That's when you should say, "I guess you're okay but I wanted a guy who actually lives in the real world."

There are nice guys who don't give a toss about what their buddies think of you. There are men who want a woman to have a brain. Such men do exist. You just have to weed out the losers.

Sometimes people have this 'image' burnt into their brain of 'what a partner' has to be and will not vacillate one bit. I believe in standards, of course. But if you have a laundry list you need to be prepared to scratch off a few or perhaps be open to something else.

Why are people so damn picky at 40??

[gwynedd1]

Originally Posted by RosemaryT

There's a reason that women have low self-esteem. It's because we've been kicked to the curb by so many idiot men who are looking for a Barbie doll in the flesh.

Online dating is scarier than hell, especially if you're a 40-something woman who's already nervous as a cat about her "less than beautiful" appearance. Online dating is very, very, very hard on the psyche.

I had 70 first dates. Yeah, it's true. I really had 70 first dates. And I learned a lot about men. And eventually, I found the man of my dreams. This is a second marriage for both of us. But if - heaven forbid - anything happened to him, I'd never date again. NEVER.

There are just way too many idiots with way too many addictions and problems and bad habits. I'm sorry, but way too many men are just pigs.

Sorry, but it's true. When I was in the dating world, I'd listen to these foolish men babble on and on about needing to feel "chemistry." That's just BS, pure, undiluted BS.

And you know what's *almost* funny is that these same men would go on and on about how much they hated their ex-wife or ex-sweetheart. They'd spare no detail telling me how she was such a witch and a lousy mother and a self-centered, maniacal, crazy whack-job. After they'd exhausted themselves, I'd ask them one simple question:

What attracted you to her in the first place?

And these men would always - and I mean *ALWAYS* - say the same thing: "She was so beautiful. Men would go pea-green with envy when I walked into a room with her."

Duh!

I guess beauty has its price for men, too.

Like, 20 years of alimony payments.

I've had it with men. Really. I had my heart sliced and diced into too many pieces to count by men who thought it was A-ok to tell me, "I was hoping to find someone a little thinner...prettier...shorter...whatever."

When I was doing all this dating (from 2002 to 2006), I was also traveling around the country and promoting my books. I'm an author and a public speaker. I had the career of my dreams and I was having a lot of success. I appeared on PBS History Detectives and A&E's Biography and many more. So here I was - this witty, intelligent, accomplished author - and all men cared about was the fact that I didn't have "the look."

What do they think happens in 20 years to women who *DO* have the look??? It is such a puzzle. The men who go hunting for a babe - for that "eye candy" or a trophy wife - they get exactly what they deserve. I got kicked to the curb too many times to count because I wasn't blonde and petite.

I swear, I think some of these men just can't stand the idea of having a woman who is an intellectual equal. Or maybe they can't bear the idea of spending time with a woman who is actually *smarter* than they are? Who knows. I found my fishie and he's a keeper.

Sorry for the rant (kinda) but I think most men are clueless as to what it's like to be a less-than-beautiful woman in a world that judges you first and foremost by a thumbnail profile picture.

Rose
author, The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating.

Hi RosemaryT,

The facts of life. Men don't care about women's careers and the women who are foolish enough to sell try to sell it at par end up alone. I am sure you down graded status to men with 'bad habits".

What dating guide is there for the poor, stupid and effeminate dim wit? I know a 40 year old man who is better than this and he is single, a classic introvert that the sisterhood will permit to let fade without concern.

There is always someone who deserves your attention and yet they receive our ignorance. We are all guilty as sin.