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Old 11-24-2009, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dgfurman View Post
...that you cannot be with? I have reconnected with the love of my life, but given the circumstances, we cannot be together. At least not for a while, maybe in a year or so, maybe never.

We had talked about us getting on with our lives, but I can hardly fathom that someone that called me his soulmate 2 months ago could be dating someone else now, which is what I suspect. Maybe he is trying to continue his life the best way he can, and I do want him to be happy, but it still boggles my mind that he could try to move on so quickly.

So....I think I need to get him out of my system, get over it, and move on. But I don't know how. Unfort. where I am now, doesn't give me a lot of opportunities to keep busy, but I'm trying the best I can. Any advice? Thanks.
Girl, let me guess - you are married, right? Is this why you can't be with him?

If that is the case and you've determined to stay married - then move on and quit fantasizing about him. He has heard you say you can't be together and now he is moving on, you should do the same.
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
7,835 posts, read 8,423,051 times
Reputation: 8564
Try this exercise: Every time he pops into your thoughts, consciously tell yourself to stop, then start singing the National Anthem in your head instead. Sing it all the way through. Do this every single time, as soon as your thoughts start drifting to him.

At first you'll find yourself singing the Anthem about 40 or 50 times a day. After a few days to a week, you'll be down to maybe 20 or so. Then after a couple of weeks you'll realize you've only sung the National Anthem about 4 or 5 times that day. At some point you'll realize you haven't sung the Anthem in days, and you'll be like, wow, cool!

Good luck!
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:59 PM
 
Location: phoenix, az
648 posts, read 3,084,417 times
Reputation: 367
the quickest way to get over someone is to find someone new and find enjoyment in your life!!
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:04 PM
 
Location: phoenix, az
648 posts, read 3,084,417 times
Reputation: 367
jill61 is onto something instead of the national anthem, i say, "I have millions and millions of dollars" and i imagine lots and lots of money falling around me as much as i might want someone, i can always use a little cash too
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:43 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,428,033 times
Reputation: 880
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
If this man really loved you, he would wait for you. He would not leave you to date someone else in the meantime. Now if you are a married lady, well now that's a different story.

It is a shame that so many of us make bad/wrong choices in mates and have to suffer the longterm consequences of our actions/decisions. So much unnecessary heartache, which is due in part to being young and naive. And often times to "settle down" just really means to "settle."
Boy, picklejuice, you're perceptive. Great insight too. Have to rep you on that one. Yes, I am married. He's divorced. I don't know how much longer I'll be married (things haven't been going well for yrs now), but he thinks I'm not ready yet to leave. So I can't blame him for not wanting to sit around and "see what happens". Still breaks my heart tho.

B/c you're right, both of us made wrong choices and settled, and now we are paying the price. Bleh.
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:47 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,428,033 times
Reputation: 880
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Girl, let me guess - you are married, right? Is this why you can't be with him?

If that is the case and you've determined to stay married - then move on and quit fantasizing about him. He has heard you say you can't be together and now he is moving on, you should do the same.

Yes, I am married. But things have been falling apart for yrs, and I'm thinking by next yr (since we'll be moving), I'll be separating. Right now, I live thousands of miles away from my "soulmate" but by next yr, I'll be about an hr. away....
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
7,835 posts, read 8,423,051 times
Reputation: 8564
Get a divorce.
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:48 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,428,033 times
Reputation: 880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill61 View Post
Try this exercise: Every time he pops into your thoughts, consciously tell yourself to stop, then start singing the National Anthem in your head instead. Sing it all the way through. Do this every single time, as soon as your thoughts start drifting to him.

At first you'll find yourself singing the Anthem about 40 or 50 times a day. After a few days to a week, you'll be down to maybe 20 or so. Then after a couple of weeks you'll realize you've only sung the National Anthem about 4 or 5 times that day. At some point you'll realize you haven't sung the Anthem in days, and you'll be like, wow, cool!

Good luck!

Love it!!!!
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by dgfurman View Post
Boy, picklejuice, you're perceptive. Great insight too. Have to rep you on that one. Yes, I am married. He's divorced. I don't know how much longer I'll be married (things haven't been going well for yrs now), but he thinks I'm not ready yet to leave. So I can't blame him for not wanting to sit around and "see what happens". Still breaks my heart tho.

B/c you're right, both of us made wrong choices and settled, and now we are paying the price. Bleh.
Married young, right? It happens, and I'm sorry - for you AND your husband
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:49 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,428,033 times
Reputation: 880
Picklejuice,
I don't know why I still can't rep you. Every time I try to, it says I need to spread the love around, and I have been! Guess CD just doesn't want me repping you. Grrrr....
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