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I'm not kidding. It really, really works. Been there, done that.
Then go get yourself a divorce. There's no excuse for being miserable or making someone else miserable by staying in a bad marriage. And there's really no excuse for pining away after another man while you're married. That's just wrong.
Actually, I married "old"...in my 30s. But I think it was more of a "he loves me and it will work out, clock is ticking" thing. Totally my fault. I thought it would work out......
...that you cannot be with? I have reconnected with the love of my life, but given the circumstances, we cannot be together. At least not for a while, maybe in a year or so, maybe never.
We had talked about us getting on with our lives, but I can hardly fathom that someone that called me his soulmate 2 months ago could be dating someone else now, which is what I suspect. Maybe he is trying to continue his life the best way he can, and I do want him to be happy, but it still boggles my mind that he could try to move on so quickly.
So....I think I need to get him out of my system, get over it, and move on. But I don't know how. Unfort. where I am now, doesn't give me a lot of opportunities to keep busy, but I'm trying the best I can. Any advice? Thanks.
The best thing to do is find some positive people and hang around them for awhile. I remember when my x GF needed a break so she broke up with me and around that time I had a bunch of friends who were in the entertainment industry in L.A so I hung around them for a while (not that I had a choice as I slept on their couch..lol). Well, we would go roller skating (yea I skate) and LET ME TELL YOU!! It was so fun I forgot about all my problems, and my girl at that time! lol, I was in a sea of females at the rink so I was like; "Hmm, she did me a favor!"
Truth be told however, most of the time, I fly solo, so when I go through major problems, or people problems, I hit the gym or set up shop at a local bookstore. Yea, I just sit in there and read until I can read anymore..lol
So my point is, you got to do SOMETHING to take your mind off the matter while at the same time release whatever energy you are feeling. My examples are positive ways to deal with difficult situations. In other words we all fall, but do yourself a favor and FALL FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, I married "old"...in my 30s. But I think it was more of a "he loves me and it will work out, clock is ticking" thing. Totally my fault. I thought it would work out......
Good God, not you again... How many American women in your situation do you think live in Colombia?! Just because a field in a forum exists doesn't mean it has to be friggin' filled out!
...that you cannot be with? I have reconnected with the love of my life, but given the circumstances, we cannot be together. At least not for a while, maybe in a year or so, maybe never.
We had talked about us getting on with our lives, but I can hardly fathom that someone that called me his soulmate 2 months ago could be dating someone else now, which is what I suspect. Maybe he is trying to continue his life the best way he can, and I do want him to be happy, but it still boggles my mind that he could try to move on so quickly.
So....I think I need to get him out of my system, get over it, and move on. But I don't know how. Unfort. where I am now, doesn't give me a lot of opportunities to keep busy, but I'm trying the best I can. Any advice? Thanks.
You're obvioulsy hurting, confused, and disappointed. You need time to sort your feelings. You have to reconcile the contradictions with reality. Lean into your pain. Embrace it. Validate your feelings as human. You loved, but lost. Grieve the loss. Get support, but not from him. Take time off from dating until you can figure out why you missed the red flags. In doing so, you may need to experiment or adopt new values-more cautious beliefs. You will be a different and better person after all is said and done.
I'm in the same thing, feels like the pain will never end. Its been 4 months and on some days I think I'm ok, then all of a sudden it comes back full force and I feel like I died or am going to..
My friend says to pull a Scarlet O'hara, "I will not think about this today, I will think about this tomorrow" haha, but I think part of the problem is you keep hoping he will come back, even though you know that he really can't even if he wanted to because he knows that you can't.
You know the movie Bridges of Madison County? The scene where he was standing in the rain? She had her hand on the door handle but she couldn't open it..we couldn't either and they had to leave.
I think he will always love you though but he knows that he can not have you.
Its really sad, I'm sorry..
With time it becomes easier to handle, And eventually the pain won't be noticable, and if you're really lucky it will even be gone.
Worst thing that can happen is if you meet him/her or talk with him/her. Then you will be back to square one, it takes less time to get back to where you are now. But you will have a week or two again when you think of them none stop.
Try this exercise: Every time he pops into your thoughts, consciously tell yourself to stop, then start singing the National Anthem in your head instead. Sing it all the way through. Do this every single time, as soon as your thoughts start drifting to him.
At first you'll find yourself singing the Anthem about 40 or 50 times a day. After a few days to a week, you'll be down to maybe 20 or so. Then after a couple of weeks you'll realize you've only sung the National Anthem about 4 or 5 times that day. At some point you'll realize you haven't sung the Anthem in days, and you'll be like, wow, cool!
...that you cannot be with? I have reconnected with the love of my life, but given the circumstances, we cannot be together. At least not for a while, maybe in a year or so, maybe never.
We had talked about us getting on with our lives, but I can hardly fathom that someone that called me his soulmate 2 months ago could be dating someone else now, which is what I suspect. Maybe he is trying to continue his life the best way he can, and I do want him to be happy, but it still boggles my mind that he could try to move on so quickly.
So....I think I need to get him out of my system, get over it, and move on. But I don't know how. Unfort. where I am now, doesn't give me a lot of opportunities to keep busy, but I'm trying the best I can. Any advice? Thanks.
Look, it happens. It's not what we want, and it's something that can make us pretty crazy at times, but it happens.
There's 1000+ posts on this very subject, and all of them have excellent advice.. It's not easy getting over someone that you love, but it can be done.
The best thing that you can do is just simply to stay busy. I know you said that there's not a lot that you can do, but in reality, there's more than you think there is:
Take a walk.
Read a book.
Call your friends.
Find a hobby - dancing, drawing, writing, scrapbooking, twirling around like a drunken idiot..
Drive to a new town and see what there is to see.
Bake a pie.
And the list goes on and on...
Thing is, the more that you do to stay away from the relationship, the less you'll think about him. Make a clean break with him - get rid of his phone number, his email, his pager, his ham radio call sign - get rid of it all.. The more you stay in contact with him, the more it will haunt you.
It takes time to get over someone.. It's not something that's done in a matter of days, or even weeks. Sometimes it takes months. But, the most important thing you can do is just to simply live your life. Go out to new places, meet new friends, take on the world.. Just go.
One year from now, you'll look back on this and shake your head at things. By then, you'll probably be with someone else, who you'll consider to be your "soulmate". It may take a couple years.. but, thing is, he wasn't worthy of being with you. You deserve someone better than that.
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Just because a field in a forum exists doesn't mean it has to be friggin' filled out!
