when hubby can't keep up (feeling, meaning, different, pictures)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Depends on what you're into, I guess. I'm not the type of guy who is going to bust out an acoustic version of "the way you make me feel" after I lovingly yet tenderly penetrate an orifice, that's for sure. I'm savage. I've seen disgust, hate, and smiles. I've been called both a creep and a "man's man," whatever that means.
Ultimately, I'm just a borderline sociopath/prick.
Quote:
Originally Posted by decafdave
Sounds like most of your "women" have names like Linsday Lohand and Pamala Handerson. lol.
I get laid. I've found that a lot of women prefer someone who is honest and straightforward about what he wants, and goes for it. I've found that some women can, indeed, hold doors for themselves, and that some also just want a good screw.
Again, it's relative to what you're after. I have no interest in a relationship, and so I act accordingly. Maybe you're different?
Quote:
Originally Posted by decafdave
But seriously, how do you not get more enjoyment out of a woman that actually does something? Being selfish is one thing, but to not care at all what she's doing makes me ask what is the point for you to have actual sex?
I have a wild imagination that is completely and totally void of what she may or may not be thinking or feeling. It's all about me, and what I have in my head, and what I'm imagining. For me women, sexually, are a physical play-thing for stimulation. I divorce the psychological thrill of sex from the actual act; the two are generally not connected.
I've heard this is strange. Dunno what to tell ya, I like it.
it's been so long since i studied it, but IIRC it's because a woman recovers much quicker after an orgasm.
for a fit young man, i think it's around 30 minutes, during which time it's prety much impossible to come, if you can even stand to attention.
as we get older, that time increases.
IIRC for a woman, the recovery time is only minutes.
therefore, as she does not have an erection to maintain, if she can maintain appropriate stimulation, it's possible to have multiple orgasms.
I get laid. I've found that a lot of women prefer someone who is honest and straightforward about what he wants, and goes for it. I've found that some women can, indeed, hold doors for themselves, and that some also just want a good screw.
Again, it's relative to what you're after. I have no interest in a relationship, and so I act accordingly. Maybe you're different?
I have a wild imagination that is completely and totally void of what she may or may not be thinking or feeling. It's all about me, and what I have in my head, and what I'm imagining. For me women, sexually, are a physical play-thing for stimulation. I divorce the psychological thrill of sex from the actual act; the two are generally not connected.
I've heard this is strange. Dunno what to tell ya, I like it.
It takes all types is all I have to say...
For me, I do have some interest in a relationship but I don't actively pursue that. I'm definitely different in the psychological area as it's a huge turn-off if she just lays there.
[SIZE=3] After orgasm and ejaculation, most males are unable to have another orgasm for a period of time. This refractory period depends on age (younger men can need only minutes to fully -recover" and older men may need an hour or more) and differs widely between men.[/SIZE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz
That is totally false.
it's not false, it was maybe just my memory misquoting facts, i guess i plumped for half an hour as an average.
I never understood this. Women have it tough in general but easy in bed. Men have to do the psychological and physical tricks to last, and if they fail, it's game over.
Women just have to lay there and try not to do anything stupid like fart or call out an ex bf's name. How can a woman "last" longer than a man? What does that even mean?
I made it through the first page of this thread before shaking my head. If there's one area in which men and women tend to be horribly ignorant about one another it's the sexual arena.
It's way, way too broad an area to just cover inside of a singular post so instead I'll try to respond to the OP's questions as directly as possible.
OP, there are myriad factors which can cause a sexual disparity between partners. The most common ones are age, health and -- most often ignored -- stress levels.
Regarding age, depending on how old you two are and whether there's an age difference between you, you have to be aware that for all the boasting men do, our libido and ability to perform consistently flags somewhat as we age.
We may be better lovers, know more tricks, have more patience, but with the exception of those in an impeccably healthy lifestyle, we don't have the stamina we once did.
Now, that's not to say we can't do it and can't last; but where we most often have waned is in that ability to bounce back quickly. Our recuperation time changes from "quicker than a jackrabbit" to "hang on, lemme rest".
Since men peak sexually (measured energy/recuperation-wise) from 17-23 and women peak sexually (via the same measures) from 38-43, women often feel slighted, as though their partners are unable to keep up. Think about it, gals: If we asked you to go hiking with us at 21 and again at 41, don't you think you'd see some difference in your performance?
Another area in which women tend to forget there are incontrovertible differences is with regard to the fact that a woman has to be aroused, and sure, she needs to be lubricated. When it comes to this men are coached from an early age to "be patient, give her time".
A man actually has to achieve an erection, a physical operation relying on some VERY complex chemical reactions in his body, chemical reactions which are VERY reliant on overall physical and mental well-being.
A woman may (and should) perform but a man is expected to perform. Like it or not, that can amount to pressure on a psychological level.
You try doing a half-hour pushup while moving your hips in a circle, let me know how easy it is afterward!
(Relax, OP, I'm aware you're not doing this, I'm merely pointing out some areas wherein men and women tend to be ignorant of the pressures and physiologies of one another.)
Health: Even moderate weight gain affects a man's libido and ability to perform. (I'm speaking of his own, not his partner's, although that can affect his performance too.) A belly in the way not only foreshortens the visible penis via the suprapubic fat pad, it requires a change in positions and some creativity on his part.
Further, as our weight increases, blood pressure often changes, blood flow to certain areas can be inhibited, and more difficult to detect, blood potassium levels can fall, decreasing heart health AND diminishing testosterone. It's such a complex system people often CAN'T see the whole picture. And what I've described is just with MODERATE weight gain.
Stress levels: Pressures can be felt in numerous ways and it goes without saying that men and women seldom communicate as well as they believe, let alone with one another. Add a sexual nature to that and then take into consideration how a man's overall prowess as a provider, partner and just as a MAN is often evaluated via his sexuality, and you've got one hum-dinger of a problem brewing.
Becoming conscious of it -- as illustrated via even a short bout of impotence -- and it's a downward spiral of fear and rejection, a self-perpetuating problem: The worse he feels about himself and his performance, the less likely he is to get it up. The less he gets it up, the worse he feels about himself and his performance.
Women tend to have this view of men as insensate apes with ONE thing on our collective mind, and when we don't perform accordingly they're confused AND often insensitive about the matter because we're not doing what we're supposed to do.
This is not based on a nasty nature; this is based on a lack of knowledge of one another, and pretty easily dealt with via open communication and a little bit of willing research.
OP:
More time between sessions -Men have been told for three generations now that women want to cuddle; so cuddle, take some time to feed his ego, compliment things he's done -USE that recovery time to communicate; don't tell him what he's done wrong unless it specifically IS wrong, but never, EVER tell him something was wrong without offering a suggestion or alternative; better yet, just suggest the alternative and react to it openly. Trust me, he'll do THAT in the future -Men respond to manual stimulation just like women do, so learn to manipulate the penis with your hand in a way to stimulate blood-flow OTHER than the same, old tug-of-war. You don't have to concentrate on this, just do it while you cuddle with him and talk to him
Don't EVER mention any dissatisfaction to him -keep things light and playful in the bedroom; you wouldn't want him to mention any shortcomings of yours, would you? -Men respond when women laugh and play and seem happy; a great deal of our own security comes from knowing our mate is secure and happy WITH us, so show him that you enjoy being with HIM. A "superior" specimen is a HAPPY specimen
DO mention how anything "manly" he does turns you on -if he lifts something, grab his arm and comment, or wrap your arms around his back and mention muscle -if he fixes the car, turn your admiration into some playful flirting -if he does the taxes, nibble his neck and say how you like the way he takes charge of necessary things -if what I'm saying here seems trite, stop and think about how women like to be "seduced" and complimented for their looks or cooking, etc.
Learn some positions requiring less work on his part which provide more pleasure for both of you -placing a pillow under your buttocks when you're on the bottom will provide for better penetration and easier thrusting for him -placing a pillow under HIS buttocks when you're on top will provide for better penetration since you can bring your weight to bear AND allow your legs a bit more freedom to move and avoid cramp -placing several pillows under your hips when you're face-down will elevate for better and DIFFERENT penetration, while allowing him to bring his weight to bear -- trust me, give this one a try -rolling onto your side and positioning him in a kneeling position (one of your legs under him, the other held elevated or positioned forward and pulled toward your chest) will provide a different stimulus for you, plus the different feeling for him will add to his experience and excitement
There are SOOO many others, the variety is endless if you're creative.
Most importantly:
Teach him extended foreplay if he's not already knowledgeable in this area; and learn to enjoy it yourself. It's my belief a woman should have already had at least a couple of smaller orgasms by the time partners reach coitus and penetration.
Depends on what you're into, I guess. I'm not the type of guy who is going to bust out an acoustic version of "the way you make me feel" after I lovingly yet tenderly penetrate an orifice, that's for sure. I'm savage. I've seen disgust, hate, and smiles. I've been called both a creep and a "man's man," whatever that means.
Ultimately, I'm just a borderline sociopath/prick.
I get laid. I've found that a lot of women prefer someone who is honest and straightforward about what he wants, and goes for it. I've found that some women can, indeed, hold doors for themselves, and that some also just want a good screw.
Again, it's relative to what you're after. I have no interest in a relationship, and so I act accordingly. Maybe you're different?
I have a wild imagination that is completely and totally void of what she may or may not be thinking or feeling. It's all about me, and what I have in my head, and what I'm imagining. For me women, sexually, are a physical play-thing for stimulation. I divorce the psychological thrill of sex from the actual act; the two are generally not connected.
I've heard this is strange. Dunno what to tell ya, I like it.
So in other words you just want a vagina and nothing else? You know you can buy those... they're plastic but they don't feel or think so it's right up your alley.
As far as the lovey dovey stuff, part of the prowess of a man is the ABILITY to please a woman. The fact that you don't care what or how you do to a woman, is a bit scary. Seek help.
It takes all types is all I have to say...
For me, I do have some interest in a relationship but I don't actively pursue that. I'm definitely different in the psychological area as it's a huge turn-off if she just lays there.
I made it through the first page of this thread before shaking my head. If there's one area in which men and women tend to be horribly ignorant about one another it's the sexual arena.
It's way, way too broad an area to just cover inside of a singular post so instead I'll try to respond to the OP's questions as directly as possible.
OP, there are myriad factors which can cause a sexual disparity between partners. The most common ones are age, health and -- most often ignored -- stress levels.
Regarding age, depending on how old you two are and whether there's an age difference between you, you have to be aware that for all the boasting men do, our libido and ability to perform consistently flags somewhat as we age.
We may be better lovers, know more tricks, have more patience, but with the exception of those in an impeccably healthy lifestyle, we don't have the stamina we once did.
Now, that's not to say we can't do it and can't last; but where we most often have waned is in that ability to bounce back quickly. Our recuperation time changes from "quicker than a jackrabbit" to "hang on, lemme rest".
Since men peak sexually (measured energy/recuperation-wise) from 17-23 and women peak sexually (via the same measures) from 38-43, women often feel slighted, as though their partners are unable to keep up. Think about it, gals: If we asked you to go hiking with us at 21 and again at 41, don't you think you'd see some difference in your performance?
Another area in which women tend to forget there are incontrovertible differences is with regard to the fact that a woman has to be aroused, and sure, she needs to be lubricated. When it comes to this men are coached from an early age to "be patient, give her time".
A man actually has to achieve an erection, a physical operation relying on some VERY complex chemical reactions in his body, chemical reactions which are VERY reliant on overall physical and mental well-being.
A woman may (and should) perform but a man is expected to perform. Like it or not, that can amount to pressure on a psychological level.
You try doing a half-hour pushup while moving your hips in a circle, let me know how easy it is afterward!
(Relax, OP, I'm aware you're not doing this, I'm merely pointing out some areas wherein men and women tend to be ignorant of the pressures and physiologies of one another.)
Health: Even moderate weight gain affects a man's libido and ability to perform. (I'm speaking of his own, not his partner's, although that can affect his performance too.) A belly in the way not only foreshortens the visible penis via the suprapubic fat pad, it requires a change in positions and some creativity on his part.
Further, as our weight increases, blood pressure often changes, blood flow to certain areas can be inhibited, and more difficult to detect, blood potassium levels can fall, decreasing heart health AND diminishing testosterone. It's such a complex system people often CAN'T see the whole picture. And what I've described is just with MODERATE weight gain.
Stress levels: Pressures can be felt in numerous ways and it goes without saying that men and women seldom communicate as well as they believe, let alone with one another. Add a sexual nature to that and then take into consideration how a man's overall prowess as a provider, partner and just as a MAN is often evaluated via his sexuality, and you've got one hum-dinger of a problem brewing.
Becoming conscious of it -- as illustrated via even a short bout of impotence -- and it's a downward spiral of fear and rejection, a self-perpetuating problem: The worse he feels about himself and his performance, the less likely he is to get it up. The less he gets it up, the worse he feels about himself and his performance.
Women tend to have this view of men as insensate apes with ONE thing on our collective mind, and when we don't perform accordingly they're confused AND often insensitive about the matter because we're not doing what we're supposed to do.
This is not based on a nasty nature; this is based on a lack of knowledge of one another, and pretty easily dealt with via open communication and a little bit of willing research.
OP:
More time between sessions -Men have been told for three generations now that women want to cuddle; so cuddle, take some time to feed his ego, compliment things he's done -USE that recovery time to communicate; don't tell him what he's done wrong unless it specifically IS wrong, but never, EVER tell him something was wrong without offering a suggestion or alternative; better yet, just suggest the alternative and react to it openly. Trust me, he'll do THAT in the future -Men respond to manual stimulation just like women do, so learn to manipulate the penis with your hand in a way to stimulate blood-flow OTHER than the same, old tug-of-war. You don't have to concentrate on this, just do it while you cuddle with him and talk to him
Don't EVER mention any dissatisfaction to him -keep things light and playful in the bedroom; you wouldn't want him to mention any shortcomings of yours, would you? -Men respond when women laugh and play and seem happy; a great deal of our own security comes from knowing our mate is secure and happy WITH us, so show him that you enjoy being with HIM. A "superior" specimen is a HAPPY specimen
DO mention how anything "manly" he does turns you on -if he lifts something, grab his arm and comment, or wrap your arms around his back and mention muscle -if he fixes the car, turn your admiration into some playful flirting -if he does the taxes, nibble his neck and say how you like the way he takes charge of necessary things -if what I'm saying here seems trite, stop and think about how women like to be "seduced" and complimented for their looks or cooking, etc.
Learn some positions requiring less work on his part which provide more pleasure for both of you -placing a pillow under your buttocks when you're on the bottom will provide for better penetration and easier thrusting for him -placing a pillow under HIS buttocks when you're on top will provide for better penetration since you can bring your weight to bear AND allow your legs a bit more freedom to move and avoid cramp -placing several pillows under your hips when you're face-down will elevate for better and DIFFERENT penetration, while allowing him to bring his weight to bear -- trust me, give this one a try -rolling onto your side and positioning him in a kneeling position (one of your legs under him, the other held elevated or positioned forward and pulled toward your chest) will provide a different stimulus for you, plus the different feeling for him will add to his experience and excitement
There are SOOO many others, the variety is endless if you're creative.
Most importantly:
Teach him extended foreplay if he's not already knowledgeable in this area; and learn to enjoy it yourself. It's my belief a woman should have already had at least a couple of smaller orgasms by the time partners reach coitus and penetration.
I want to thank all of you all for your advice. However, I understand that I still haven't made myself clear.
It's not the quality of the sex... the sex is fine. It's that our sex drives that are different. I have gotten to where I want it all the time but he doesn't
want it as much as more or just can't because he isn't there. I think that is where the trouble is. My satisfaction doesn't last, so I am needing again very soon after and he feels like he can't satisfy me. I'm sorry that I can't describe this better, it's hard to put into words for me. I am 35 and he is 29.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
