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I'll tell you that as someone who served for six years, and seeing all that I saw, marrying someone in the military is a very bad idea.
Glad to see somebody who used to be in confirms what I think anyway. Not that it's a real dilemma for me - I'd be very surprised to find myself attracted to a military man. Well, it's practically impossible. Our mindsets would be day and night. "Coolhand" is the very first person ever to put some doubts in my mind regarding this issue.
Couple of things to note here. First, when I was in transition the men and women were separate, so that should not be an issue unless she met someone at the mess hall. Secondly, you don't even know for sure they are still in transition, and if they are that doesn't mean she wants to get caught using her phone, or is sitting doing nothing. Also, the area people go in to when they are getting sent home for whatever reason (usually medical), they are kept pretty busy, so don't have much free time to communicate.
As someone else said, leave her be for now. Boot Camp is a very emotionally confusing time. Wanting to succeed at it, but also missing family or an SO is only going to make it harder for her. Try to be understanding even though you really could not know what it's like unless you've done it.
So here is the situation my "fiance" is in the army and has been for acouple weeks (transition, its like boot camp with respect) anyways she has her phone and we talk every night it started good i love yous and i miss yous etc etc but recently it has been me sending sincere messages and her giving 2 word responses, her not replying hardly at all, hours later to be more precise when i know she has time. We have been together for almost 2 years this time the first time 7 months about 5 years ago. (ended mutually) she has become very distant and doesnt show any emotion towards me. my fear is when she says "i have a friend, his name is_______" now i know what that truly means but i give benefit of the doubt (even though every one of her friends and even family says shes untrustworthy) am i being nieve even though she says one thing (but actions speak louder than words??) should i stay or should i go i guess is the bottom line.
I don't know your ages but I can tell you this. I work for a military installation on a base with all younger people, I see it all the time, they come in here fresh out of bootcamp or core school, some are already engaged and within about 2 weeks of being around the fresh meat smorgasboard, they are on the phone with their g/f's and b/f's breaking up. I see it everyday.
Give her the benefit of the doubt, they do keep them quite busy in the military but if you want her to be honest, just ask her. It's possible she is busy doing military stuff but it's also possible she's doing someone in the military.
Hopefully it's just a matter of you calling and not giving her space but you have to be open minded to other possibilities.
Glad to see somebody who used to be in confirms what I think anyway. Not that it's a real dilemma for me - I'd be very surprised to find myself attracted to a military man. Well, it's practically impossible. Our mindsets would be day and night. "Coolhand" is the very first person ever to put some doubts in my mind regarding this issue.
Thanks Sierra, that was sweet of you.
My gut tells me that she's perhaps enjoying her time away and taking advantage of the distance between you. You mentioned her friends and family have confided that she isn't too trustworthy, and your own instincts are tingling right now.
The thing about military TDY's (temporary duty assignments) is that the individual is typically far from home where no one knows them, and it can sometimes bring out the worst in some people. I don't think the military is inherently bad in that regard, but it lends itself to this type of behavior because of the college campus atmosphere that often surrounds the barracks or lodging while people are away from anyone who can judge them or narc on them for messing around and partying. I'd say that it was something that was a character flaw to begin with and the military lifestyle just enabled that flaw to flourish.
I'd say proceed with caution on this one given the history of her untrustworthy behavior which you say has been pointed out in the past.
I am guilty of the two-word short reply. When I do that, it's because I want to acknowledge the text (don't want someone to feel ignored), but I also want to send the message that I don't want to engage in conversation. It only becomes a problem when someone pushes that boundary.
I didnt pick a good day it just kinda fell into place but thanksgiving I broke up with her. all n all were both alright with the decision, she told me later when she came back for leave if "it wasn't there" she was going to break up with me. But regardless thank you all.
Good thing you aren't married. Military marriages usually end up in nasty divorce because of cheating and time spent away from the spouse. You at least get to learn this before marriage so you know what you're getting into. I was stationed near Fort Bragg in NC for about four years. Thousands of men were constantly deployed and tons of the women would literally just take their rings off and head into town. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed cheating, other men knocking up married women, abuse, and even murder. One summer we had I believe 7 men come back from deployment and murder their wife. A few of them also murdered the kids and one even got the guy she was cheating on him with when he caught them. Your entire mindset changes after spending so long in the middle east separated from loved ones while killing people for no apparent reason. I'll tell you that as someone who served for six years, and seeing all that I saw, marrying someone in the military is a very bad idea.
I'm just glad you said it before I did!!! My ex-husband was military and he was and still is the biggest a-hole ever! He cheated, lied, was physically abusive, and even got another woman pregnant before we divorced! Yes, it was my horrible decision to marry him, but no one deserves to be treated the way that I was! I would never and will never marry another man that has been in or is in the military ever again! Because my story, is just one of the hundreds that I witnessed! My neighbor, who did my nails, was stabbed to death by her husband! It's a crazy life!!!
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I ended it with her
