boyfriends ex girlfriend in town- should they get together alone? (date, long-term)

[maddog1]

yep, I did want to see them together. I do believe they are (especially her, though I think he is open minded, obviously) trying to see if a spark is there. She is questioning weather or not to get serious with the current bf

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by maddog1

Uggg Sierra, I am familiar with you (can't give you reps so I must be more familiar with you than I even remember) and I am sorry to hear your opinion on this becasue I know you are very wise. See, the bs thing is why does she not want me around? The kid is supposedly there and that makes it all cool? And he says he wants to see her and doesn't want her to be uncomfortable- well, what about me? This is what makes me angry, not lack of trust, lack of respect for my wishes and his word.

Unfortunately, that's how things stand, maddog... Let me tell you something else for future use. Despite what many say about marriage being a piece of paper, in many cases a woman a man has ever married (regardless of whether they share children or not) may be more important than any following girlfriends. There's more to this signature!

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by maddog1

You are right. catch is, I work Monday. He is off (my bf) True, why couldn't she say to her bf, his new gf will be there so all 4 of us together shouldn't be wierd. They can catch up and him and I can talk. Leaning towards they just want alone time together.... But I am torn because I do trust him

I think its great that you trust him, I really do!
But, there is nothing wrong with you wanting to meet his old GF, and have lunch with them both. Its no big deal, really, right?
You just make arrangements to be off Monday, and join him.
If he seems upset about it, THEN...you have to worry!

[pitt_transplant]

Originally Posted by maddog1

yep, I did want to see them together. I do believe they are (especially her, though I think he is open minded, obviously) trying to see if a spark is there. She is questioning weather or not to get serious with the current bf

Wait wait wait...so they are getting together over her talking about her current sex life?

[maddog1]

Originally Posted by pitt_transplant

Wait wait wait...so they are getting together over her talking about her current sex life?

No, the meeting already took place (UPDATE) he doens't make plans, apparently neither does she, it was all very spontaneous (while I was working late, I might add) Nothing happened, but they did talk about thier current relationships, according to him. I believe it was all pretty innocent , but he had this huge shi**t eating grin on his face when I got home and asked how it was seeing her again. This , of course , upset me as things havn't been going great for us and he just doesn't seem to care. Does what he wants without concern if I will be upset or not. So we argued and now he is mad at me! I am sad. I know you all will say break up with him but I will not. I cannot. Advice? Comments? thank-you

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by maddog1

No, the meeting already took place (UPDATE) he doens't make plans, apparently neither does she, it was all very spontaneous (while I was working late, I might add) Nothing happened, but they did talk about thier current relationships, according to him. I believe it was all pretty innocent , but he had this huge shi**t eating grin on his face when I got home and asked how it was seeing her again. This , of course , upset me as things havn't been going great for us and he just doesn't seem to care. Does what he wants without concern if I will be upset or not. So we argued and now he is mad at me! I am sad. I know you all will say break up with him but I will not. I cannot. Advice? Comments? thank-you

What does it matter what we say to you, or free advice that we can offer? I mean, your going to do what you do anyway, and thats put up with his "crap."
You are the only one who can stop this, and as long as you let him get by with it, then he will do it. There is nothing left to offer you here, until you "take action upon yourself!"

[Jill61]

Originally Posted by maddog1

No, the meeting already took place (UPDATE) he doens't make plans, apparently neither does she, it was all very spontaneous (while I was working late, I might add)

So now he's a sneak, too. And you still want to be with him, why?

Originally Posted by maddog1

Nothing happened, but they did talk about thier current relationships, according to him. I believe it was all pretty innocent , but he had this huge shi**t eating grin on his face when I got home and asked how it was seeing her again.

And an arrogant, heartless sneak, to boot. And you still want to be with him, why?

Originally Posted by maddog1

This , of course , upset me as things havn't been going great for us and he just doesn't seem to care. Does what he wants without concern if I will be upset or not.

An arrogant, heartless, inconsiderate sneak. And you still want him, why?

Originally Posted by maddog1

So we argued and now he is mad at me! I am sad. I know you all will say break up with him but I will not. I cannot.

You cannot? Is he holding you hostage?

Originally Posted by maddog1

Advice? Comments?

I don't really think you want advice. I think you want to be reassured that you didn't do anything wrong, so you can regain the upper hand in this relationship. I mean, you said right in the previous sentence that you know what we're going to advise, so why ask if what you know you're going to hear is something you'll refuse to do?

You sound like you're rather young. You don't seem to understand yet that every experience you have with men at this stage of your life is intended to root out the BAD ones until you find a good one. This is a bad one. I don't care how good the sex is, how good-looking he is, how much he misses you when you're gone. Absolutely none of those are qualities that make a fit life-partner. Here's what you should be looking for:

Honest
Respectful
Kind
Good character
Considerate
Polite
Communicative
Loving
Gentle
Strong

If you settle for less, you sell yourself short. And, not to be too blunt, but you get what you deserve. Have some self respect! Take a deep breath, put your shoulders back, pick up the phone and tell this jerk that it's over. You're moving on to find someone better than him.

Sure, you'll cry. Sure, you'll miss the good times. Sure, your heart will hurt for a while because you gave it to the wrong guy. But you will get over him. And you will do better with the next one because you'll be better able to recognize the signs and get out sooner. Whenever I would end a relationship that didn't go the way I had hoped it would, I brushed myself off and literally yelled. . .

NEXT!!!

Dating can be FUN! If it's a drag and a heartache, why put up with it?!

Lose the loser!!

Originally Posted by maddog1

thank-you

You're welcome.

[maddog1]

[quote=Jill61;11818135]So now he's a sneak, too. And you still want to be with him, why? (end quote)

Actually, he did tell me just as soon as they made the plan. No sneaking. Yes, he does miss me when Im gone. Funny you should mention that. I was thinking about being gone more often so maybe he would apprecieate me like he did before and we will again have good times..........I do love him.

[miu]

My advice is to not make a big deal of his friendship with his ex. Don't make it into more than it is. Your problems with your boyfriend should be kept separate from what he has with her. Either he is still into you, or he's not. If she wasn't around, he would feel the same way about you. If he's thinking of straying, if the ex weren't around, there'd be another woman tempting him.

Just be a good girlfriend to him, don't try to control him or demand respect from him. And if he's a jerk and doesn't appreciate you, then dump him. But trying to keep him from looking at other women isn't the answer. It's all about "if you love him, set him free, if he stays with you of his own free will, then it's true love."

Otherwise, it doesn't help that your username is "maddog1"...

[maddog1]

Originally Posted by miu

My advice is to not make a big deal of his friendship with his ex. Don't make it into more than it is. Your problems with your boyfriend should be kept separate from what he has with her. Either he is still into you, or he's not. If she wasn't around, he would feel the same way about you. If he's thinking of straying, if the ex weren't around, there'd be another woman tempting him.

Just be a good girlfriend to him, don't try to control him or demand respect from him. And if he's a jerk and doesn't appreciate you, then dump him. But trying to keep him from looking at other women isn't the answer. It's all about "if you love him, set him free, if he stays with you of his own free will, then it's true love."

Otherwise, it doesn't help that your username is "maddog1"...

I like the if I love him, set him free etc. I do love him. I do need to work on giving him freedom. I think he will appreciate me more, who doesn't appreciate freedom? Thank-you.