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This is kind of an update as well as a response to you; Coolhand:
Right now I am going to focus on my health. That is of course my first priority. With the news I received yesterday, it's been quite an emotional 24 hours. It's only a matter of time before I will start Dialysis.
I think this is as good as any time to start focusing on school. Dialysis is 3 times a week for about 4 hours a day so if I took online classes, there is something to do right there. However, I plan on taking one or two self-paced courses next semester which will allow me a year to complete and will be cheap enough. I'm going to aim for a two year degree for now.
I'm not going to worry too much about finding a girlfriend right now. If I meet a woman that I'm genuinely interested in then I'll go out with her and see where it goes.
Good for you - aiming for smaller goals first and working your way up to bigger ones is a great strategy! Reaching your goals, even if they're smaller and not what you originally wanted, will give you more encouragement to keep going
OK, there's an elephant in your fridge. The only thing you can do is eat it one bite at a time. It becomes overwhelming very quickly if you consider eating the whole elephant.
None of what's bothering you is going to be fixed overnight. You need to hatch a plan and follow it. Get the elephant out of the fridge. One thing that's bothering me.... You are bright and articulate. Why are you failing school? Especially since finishing is important to you? Is it misplaced priorities? I suggest you don't pay for any more until you figure out the answer to this question.
When one is feeling sick or debilitated, it is very very difficult to have clear mental processes to study or do anything else but relax and veg out. This is from my own experience.
But the elephant in the fridge is a great example of taking one step at a time.
Anybody who eats an elephant all by themselves is nuts.
Haha no doubt....
Anyway, I'm pretty set on my goals for now. Talked to my doctor today and I have Stage IV kidney failiure so it'll only be a matter of time before I start Dialysis. At least I know what to expect for the next few months. I'm determined to stay strong and fight through this obstacle.
I'm a 50 yr old with a 10 & 11 yr old and as far as I'm concerned I have a good life. It would do you a whole lot of good to purge your mind of these negative images.
Your life absolutely will not turn out the way you plan. Those your age who think it will are fooling themselves. You will not crumble or want to die 10 years from now when your daughter is born deaf. You will grieve a short time for her and you will love her and be the best parent you can be. This is real life. The fantacy always disappoints.
The consistent advice you will get from people who (by their own standard) consider themselves successful (I do) is that they look forward with optimism. That optimism is based on a sense that I control my own destiny and that my hands are on the wheel of my life.
If you feel powerless... then you need to ask why and make appropriate changes. If college is too hard for you and you are powerless to make better marks, then look at what you have power to do. Change courses or colleges.
The other consistent advice you will get is that we all make mistakes. Successful people (by their own standard) figure out what is not working and make changes. Looking to the past (for a while) is OK as long as it leads to a decision to change what you think you are doing wrong. Don't wallow in your mistakes - you're really no different except in how long you spend beating yourself up.
I just spent three difficult weeks trying to mentally sort out a difficult personal problem. I was pressured on one side to do something that would violate my personal integrity. I felt caught. It was very worrisome and stressful. I sought help as you are doing and I took their advice to heart. (that is hard for a 20 yr old) Still, I made my own decision and found a solution that forces me to be a better person but saves my integrity. The problem is not solved but I'm moving in a good direction.
You should be shouting up and down that you are alive 19 more years than expected. Seriously. I want you to say thank God I'm still here! - 3 times.
Spend a moment thinkging about how special your friends and family are in your life. Sometimes we can be so caught focusing on one type of love that me miss all the love around us that we do have.
Love yourself. You can't be any good to anyone else until you are whole and complete within yourself. That's how you have healthy relationships rather than putting so much pressure on the object of your relationship who eventually leaves because they can't take the pressure of being your whole world. Smile.
You heard me, smile!
Watch some funny movies and make yourself laugh.
Change your spending habits. I want you to be the person who has the best time on a budget. If you usually go out and blow $25 eating out for no reason. I want you to be the person who goes to 25 cent wing night and spend less than 1/2 your would. Find happy hours to go to. Eating/drinking at home isn't so bad and it cuts a lot of cost. Now I"m not authorizing you to turn into an alcoholic - okay?! Make the decision to pay so much on your debt every two weeks. Hey if you get extra money they put it in your savings or put it on your debt. Shooting $20 or $30 here and there can help you more than you know and try to pay more than the mininum.
Here's good news. You want more out of life than $8 an hour.That's great! Some people don't have the desire or will to want anything more out of their life and I'm glad that isn't you. For the next week I want you to sit down and on a piece of paper write down all the things that you like to do or interest you. Seriously. If it's drawing, nursing, helping people, stand up comedy...........whatever. You should be able to brain storm a few career choices. Maybe if you picked something your passionate about then you might have the ability to perform differently and exceed your expectations regarding your academic performance. Then I want you to start considering places that might help you achieve your goal academically. Don't be shy to explore trades either. What's most important is that you like what you do because you will naturally excel in that fireld. I'm curious. Does your job help with tuition assistance?
No girls for now. I said it. You have a lot to work on within yourself. You feel differently about your attitude and feelings for a reason. It's time for you to grow and when you are growing and trying to better yourself, your focus is not best served on the opposite sex for this time period.
Set goals and timelines for yourself.
Johnny Banana's your gonna make it after all.
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so it'll only be a matter of time before I start Dialysis. At least I know what to expect for the next few months. I'm determined to stay strong and fight through this obstacle.
Your hands are on the wheel, where are your eyes?
