To the men: Would you date a woman who just came out of an abusive relationship, almost ruined financially? (boyfriend, Asian)

[UrbanBlasphemy]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

I mentioned this woman in a previous thread. She had an abusive partner who basically ruined her credit and caused her to accumulate tickets that have gone into warrant status. She is working on paying them but she is far from being done paying and is not able to drive until that is taken care of. She has basically hit rock bottom. She is no longer with this man and is completely done with him, but she has a long road ahead of her to recover financially.

She says she is ready to date, but she is afraid of being rejected because of her situation. I wondered if it was a matter of not feeling worthy after being in such a relationship, but it really seems more like she is embarrassed about her situation.

Would you men be opposed to being with someone in this position? If so, why?

Would you still be opposed once she took care of her business, but still had bad credit?

Keep in mind, I am not talking about supporting her financially or getting her out of her rut.

Ya know, I wouldn't have any problem with it at all. If it was someone who I was attracted to, had a good personality, then I wouldn't have any problems dating her.

But, it has to be someone who I am attracted to and who is genuinely attracted to me. I don't do hand outs.

Thing is, I've dated people that's been through things like this in their past, and never really had an issue with it. Usually, these people don't want you to fix their problems, they just look for advice on how to fix things themselves.

So they've had problems in the past - does that make them a bad person because of things?

[Vineetbahl]

Since you are talking about a similar subject, I would like to take an advice from you. I had migrated to Denver CO from New Delhi (India) some good three year ago and currently work in the R&D division of a telecom major.
Coming to my question, I am currently going around with a girl (Caucasian origin) for past one year who is rushing me into a marriage. She had arrived in Denver one year prior to me from Europe (Moldova). I love her and to a large extent comfortable in marring her but some friends of mine think she is in it only for money. Prior to meeting me she had no place to stay and could barely make her ends meet however, now we live together. One may call be old fashioned when I believe you wife/girlfriend has all the rights to you money and they are the people whom me work for but the question is “is she really interested in me or not”. Also I would like to know I am cheating my self in believing a really good looking girl would ever be interested in a Fat Indian.

Would appreciate your honest opinion.

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

It's your right to choose who to date and your right to have an opinion. But that has to be the most ignorant statement I have read on the topic on CD so far and there is plenty to compete with. I would recommend you do some research before pontificating so much. You are clueless.

Why would you ask a question and then bash someone for being honest in answering his? Do you prefer a lie so you can feel better??

You have every right to speak as you will, but hey, be a bit more open-minded.

[LaoTzuMindFu]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

I mentioned this woman in a previous thread. She had an abusive partner who basically ruined her credit and caused her to accumulate tickets that have gone into warrant status. She is working on paying them but she is far from being done paying and is not able to drive until that is taken care of. She has basically hit rock bottom. She is no longer with this man and is completely done with him, but she has a long road ahead of her to recover financially.

She says she is ready to date, but she is afraid of being rejected because of her situation. I wondered if it was a matter of not feeling worthy after being in such a relationship, but it really seems more like she is embarrassed about her situation.

Would you men be opposed to being with someone in this position? If so, why?

Would you still be opposed once she took care of her business, but still had bad credit?

Keep in mind, I am not talking about supporting her financially or getting her out of her rut.

How hot is she on a scale of 1-10?
How hot is her body on a scale of 1-10?

If she's a 9-10 on both of these, then yes, I would date her (if I werent married), and if the abusive ex is TOTALLY out of the picture, she has no kids, she's employed, and working on getting her stuff together.

When you say "Date" you mean have sex with her and not get into a serious relationship right? If this is what you mean, then what I wrote above is how I would feel about it. If by "date" you mean have a committed, serious, lets-see-if-we-are-right-for-the-long-haul type relationship then probably not. Unless she is a 10 in both body and face (with no kids).

[aqua0]

Originally Posted by HansProof

No I wouldn't date her. For one, I don't get women like this, and two, I have no respect for women like this.

I can almost not even comprehend why anyone would stay with anybody that abused them, disrespected them, and treated them like trash. For anyone that stays in such a situation, that just singles to me that there's a mental illness I'm not willing to deal with.

You're smart. People who stay in abusive relationships are diagnosed co-dependent. They do not have sufficient self-esteem and if you are a healthy individual looking for a healthy relationship, it is wise to stay clear.

[UrbanBlasphemy]

Originally Posted by Vineetbahl

Since you are talking about a similar subject, I would like to take an advice from you. I had migrated to Denver CO from New Delhi (India) some good three year ago and currently work in the R&D division of a telecom major.
Coming to my question, I am currently going around with a girl (Caucasian origin) for past one year who is rushing me into a marriage. She had arrived in Denver one year prior to me from Europe (Moldova). I love her and to a large extent comfortable in marring her but some friends of mine think she is in it only for money. Prior to meeting me she had no place to stay and could barely make her ends meet however, now we live together. One may call be old fashioned when I believe you wife/girlfriend has all the rights to you money and they are the people whom me work for but the question is “is she really interested in me or not”. Also I would like to know I am cheating my self in believing a really good looking girl would ever be interested in a Fat Indian.

Would appreciate your honest opinion.

Start this off in a new post and you'll get a lot more help..

Two things real quick though..

First, just try talking to her. Instead of worrying about this and that, just simply ask why she wants to get married so quickly. Explain that you're not ready yet, and that you want to spend more time to get to know her better.. Don't accuse her of anything, but just talk to her. Communication does wonders.

Second, Yes, a really good looking girl can be interested in a "Fat Indian". Don't even worry about that.. Thing is, you have to have more confidence in yourself. Looks matter less than what you'd think.

[miu]

How beautiful is this woman? The closer she is to a "10" in looks, the more a man will forgive issues in the other areas in her life. Also how old she is and her education level will be factored in. The younger the woman the better for giving her time to get her life together. And if she is educated or has some real job skills, she will have a better chance of helping herself get out of her financial mess.

And big minuses if she has kids... of course.

[TKramar]

I don't care about her credit scores. They don't mean anything at all to me. Her credit has no effect on mine, unless we were married.

[asitshouldbe]

I'm sure someone will date her. How many people ask for your credit score and if you have any tickets before they date you?

[galactic_hombre]

Congratulations you acquired extremely important information before the relationship started. If you were to move into a relationship with this woman and it failed, you would see this as a big red flag that was missed. Don't try to be a hero. As others have mentioned, she needs recovery time. Don't be her rebound. People have working models, meaning patterns of behavior that date back to childhood and are often replicated. Some folks seek drama; some folks seek rescue situations. If loneliness is your issue or you're propelled by a desire for physical intimacy, learn to embrace patience and develop mental strength that keeps you walking away from snares--especially when they are obvious.