has anybody given up on dating and love? (movies, kiss, call)

[Matterofopinion]

Originally Posted by hindsight2020

I rest my case about marriage being a generally miserable institution. Im sorry, but if people choose to close their eyes to your experience, that's on them.

It also proves people need to stop pulling their romantic desires and aspirations/value-judgements from the proverbial cracker jack box that is romantic chick flicks, their peer's opinions, and the appeasement agent that was the K-12 educational system and the systemic lie mommy and daddy told you so you wouldn't feel threatened about the fact mommy and daddy merely tolerated each other for your sorry sake. How's that for some lemonade? yeah yeah, it works blisfully for some, but when I read chit like the posted above, and I compare and contrast with my own well-intended but equally failed and sham of a marriage, I realize we're all approaching the fitting of the square peg through a round hole with the best of intentions, but statistically speaking we are trying to fit a square peg through a round hole NONETHELESS. Maybe people need to step back a little and stop defining their happiness in terms of an already flawed economic contract that's not even required for companionship anyways. Food for thought gang, food for thought.....

Great post, Hindsight2020. I'm a middle-aged single women who didn't want for male attention when I was younger, I say that without hubris, but to make a point. I had men chasing me down in my younger years, much to my frustration it never amounted to a suitable match. They tended to be shallow, flashy or womanizers, I wanted to buy into the fairy tale -- the 2.5 kids, house in the burbs. I'm not knocking the lifestyle for those who live it in peace and happiness, great for them. But for many, its chasing something that may not be in the cards or fall into place.

Finding a suitable mate is indeed a needle-in-the-haystack situation. I can't count how many people I know in my life who have married because they are desperately afraid of being alone, or cannot support themselves financially, etc... a myriad of reasons that don't hold up well in the long term for personal happiness. To those who truly have found a great mate, someone they actually enjoy being with and sharing their time, someone with whom they are sexually compatible -- you've struck the jackpot. Three cherries. Consider yourself blessed.

Many people don't find it. There's nothing necessarily wrong with them, its just something very hard to find. Someone we may be very compatible with, or great for us, may be living on the other side of the world. Doesn't do a lot of good.

[Ep-]

Originally Posted by Repubocrat

I don't know how many times I have said this but if you want to attract a good woman, the keyword is CONFIDENCE. If I was a woman, I don't see why I would be interested in you if you are not even a confident person.

You can spend your life trying to blame it on other people, women, society but most of the time, the problem is YOU!

This forum is full of guys who don't even know how to relate to a female at the most basic level, now, how do you expect a girl to be interested in you?

I have been rejected several times, still, I keep going because I know I am a decent person, not perfect, but I am confident, all it takes is one woman who understands you and sees that you are confident, and you are set. Now, if rejection makes you want to give up, then, it will be really tough, because you will have to try several times before you get to something good, if you are not even trying, then you will never get anything.

It seems like a lot of the dudes that post here are very emotionally immature, socially awkward or seriously lack in the game department, until you start to work on yourself, mature emotionally and make yourself "interesting" to other people, it will be hard to find someone.

If you want someone to love you for who you are are, you have to love yourself first, women don't like guys who have low self-esteem, who have no confidence or who are clingy or emotionally unstable.

all your posts seem like they were copy and pasted off some self help website

[HurricaneDC]

Originally Posted by bentstrider

Looking at it from this side of the spectrum, I can cook, clean, do the laundry, fix the car, fix the toilet and the kitchen sink.
I've spent much of my life thinking I should be "the man of the house".
Perhaps it's better to just accept fate and go with being "the man-servant of the house".
If I do this, I may just end up getting with a woman that's also tough, attractive and intelligent.

Sometimes we just have to drop our facade and just go with what we were meant to be.

If it's a facade then it's not who you really are. Do you honestly feel like the kind of person someone thinks of when they think "man of the house"? If so, then that IS who you are and there's no facade to drop.

I think 'accepting fate' in this case is just a PC codeword for 'giving up.' What if I had that attitude when I was in high school? I was always depressed, I had bad grades, I sometimes really felt like I'd never make something of myself. It got to the point where I was literally failing in college. And I could have easily 'accepted my fate,' but I didn't. I chose to control my fate.

In fact I find the concept of 'fate' rather strange to begin with. I never would have imagined I'd be where I am now a few years ago. A few years ago I thought I'd be living in California studying a technical degree. Now I'm living in Maryland near my home town studying a business degree. "Fate" is, for the most part, up to you.

You can take charge of your life and keep on going, or you can give up. But the moment you give up is when you really cement in the idea of being forever alone.

Originally Posted by kinkytoes

*raises hand* me me me! LOL And I am going out and getting hit on by losers left and right, making me not regret my decision in the least. Isn't that awful? Having apparently no hope of getting my version of a decent/attractive guy is even Awfuller because the guys who DO hit on me seem to Ignore the blantant I am NOT interested signs and are such LOSERS. Sheesh. Keep away Keep AWAY losers...Where can I buy loser Kryptonite? I'm thinking of getting an artificial wedding-band... If only I could legally use pepper spray or a taser on some of these disgusting s c h mucks who have the nerve to hit on me.

Where do you keep going that you find so many losers?

[Fiyero]

I feel like I want to give up on love. I haven't really put myself out there due to personal struggles and I'm not into the bar/club hooking up method of meeting people. Usually I fall into the fantasy/infatuation situation with someone, whether I know them or not which always results in unrequited love. Recently, however, I feel like I finally met someone (at work) who I have genuine feelings for and am falling in love, but they don't seem to feel the same way, or at least aren't at the stage where they are interested in a serious relationship and as such are avoiding getting any closer than we already have.

Everyone seems to like me a lot as a friend, co-worker, etc., I just can't seem to get to the relationship stage with anyone. I'm just so fed up with the emotional pain and failure, it just makes me wonder why even bother.

[kinkytoes]

Originally Posted by HurricaneDC

Where do you keep going that you find so many losers?

Supermarket, Rental Car Place, Nursery. I'm starting to think I have a sign on my head. The ex-con w/ the minimum wage job makes a beeline for me every time.

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by Fiyero

I feel like I want to give up on love. I haven't really put myself out there due to personal struggles and I'm not into the bar/club hooking up method of meeting people. Usually I fall into the fantasy/infatuation situation with someone, whether I know them or not which always results in unrequited love. Recently, however, I feel like I finally met someone (at work) who I have genuine feelings for and am falling in love, but they don't seem to feel the same way, or at least aren't at the stage where they are interested in a serious relationship and as such are avoiding getting any closer than we already have.

Everyone seems to like me a lot as a friend, co-worker, etc., I just can't seem to get to the relationship stage with anyone. I'm just so fed up with the emotional pain and failure, it just makes me wonder why even bother.

You sound a bit like me, except I managed to reach the sweet release of just no longer giving a crap in the first place. Hopefully you'll find someone before you have to resort to that to preserve your sanity like I did! (more or less)

[hindsight2020]

Originally Posted by Matterofopinion

Great post, Hindsight2020. I'm a middle-aged single women who didn't want for male attention when I was younger, I say that without hubris, but to make a point. I had men chasing me down in my younger years, much to my frustration it never amounted to a suitable match. They tended to be shallow, flashy or womanizers, I wanted to buy into the fairy tale -- the 2.5 kids, house in the burbs. I'm not knocking the lifestyle for those who live it in peace and happiness, great for them. But for many, its chasing something that may not be in the cards or fall into place.

Finding a suitable mate is indeed a needle-in-the-haystack situation. I can't count how many people I know in my life who have married because they are desperately afraid of being alone, or cannot support themselves financially, etc... a myriad of reasons that don't hold up well in the long term for personal happiness. To those who truly have found a great mate, someone they actually enjoy being with and sharing their time, someone with whom they are sexually compatible -- you've struck the jackpot. Three cherries. Consider yourself blessed.

Many people don't find it. There's nothing necessarily wrong with them, its just something very hard to find. Someone we may be very compatible with, or great for us, may be living on the other side of the world. Doesn't do a lot of good.

Thank you. And indeed. I think the statistical improbability of the married with kids in the suburbs dream in genuine happiness is an improbability that is frankly understated. I agree with you, very few people attain a genuine level of compatibility that is lasting through the decades. For the rest it is unhappiness in not being able to find that OR unhappiness in the prison that is living with someone with the private recognition one settled and is not all that content with said partners day to day attitudes and idiosyncrasies. The latter sounds like hell to me; I calmly and truly confess I rather have the former. The majority of people are simply jamming the square peg in the round hole, and from where I sit that is hardly an enviable position to be in.

I certainly scoff at the cliché of "it's what you make of it". Not in relationships, it is NOT. Companionship is discretionary, there is no need for "it's what you make of it". Discretionary pursuits should have absolute valuations to them, otherwise not pursuing them is a better outcome than settling for something you don't have to get in the first place.

[ElysianEagle]

i haven't given up, and still go out thurs/fri/sat nights, but i gotta admit at the age of 28 it's getting a bit old and well, tiring. what bothers me most is not the rejection but the fact that 98% or so of the girls that i'm attracted to are already taken. by the time they're into their mid 20s at least half of them are in serious long term relationships or already married. what's left is just...well, leftovers and yes, i'm well aware of the fact that this applies equally well to me, and it's not exactly a thought that brings a smile to my face

i guess at some point this war will end, but when it does, i won't think of it as "giving up". instead i'll look at it as moving on to things that are hopefully more fulfilling.

[ashleyg999]

Originally Posted by ElysianEagle

i haven't given up, and still go out thurs/fri/sat nights, but i gotta admit at the age of 28 it's getting a bit old and well, tiring. what bothers me most is not the rejection but the fact that 98% or so of the girls that i'm attracted to are already taken. by the time they're into their mid 20s at least half of them are in serious long term relationships or already married. what's left is just...well, leftovers and yes, i'm well aware of the fact that this applies equally well to me, and it's not exactly a thought that brings a smile to my face

i guess at some point this war will end, but when it does, i won't think of it as "giving up". instead i'll look at it as moving on to things that are hopefully more fulfilling.

For men, 28 isn't that bad since they are still quite young for a man, for women however, being on the other side of 25 means they have less and less suitors. Think about it this way, most men at 28 have a decent job, house, car, etc etc so they can get their pick and often go for younger women, early 20's to mid 20's, for a woman who is in her late 20s however, not many men in their late 20's would even give them a chance.

Any woman in her late 20s and looking for a relationship is not dating material anyway, or has a ton of issues she's going to bring to the table, better not to go after such women in the first place.

[ElysianEagle]

Originally Posted by ashleyg999

For men, 28 isn't that bad since they are still quite young for a man, for women however, being on the other side of 25 means they have less and less suitors. Think about it this way, most men at 28 have a decent job, house, car, etc etc so they can get their pick and often go for younger women, early 20's to mid 20's, for a woman who is in her late 20s however, not many men in their late 20's would even give them a chance.

Any woman in her late 20s and looking for a relationship is not dating material anyway, or has a ton of issues she's going to bring to the table, better not to go after such women in the first place.

thanks for the vote of confidence i've met some decent late 20s girls but IMHO among the three age groups i've dated in - early-to-mid 20s, late 20s, and 30s+, i'd have to say that the late 20s girls are the worst to date. they tend to be super obsessed with finding mr. right and there's always this sense of urgency i get when on a date with a girl in that age range, as if she's looking to get married and have kids ASAP before she loses her chance. it really doesn't make for a fun dating experience.

the early 20s crowd - they have time and they don't have as much baggage (owing to a lack of experience, i think), so they're much more laid back and fun to be around. the 30s and up girls - they're either divorced and don't care abt marriage anymore, or have gotten over their past and don't need a guy around to feel confident. they're comfortable enough in their own skin.

that's been my experience so far, anyway. would love to hear what others have to say abt this as well.