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Could your marriage have been all about you. Did you romance her, remember her birthdays, plan trips away for the two of you. No one changes just like that. There was a reason and I suggest you get help to find out why. Check her phone records.
My first clue was your thread title--Totally lost without my wife. I would miss my husband, but I would never be totally lost without him and he would never be totally lost without me. We are equals that happen to be married to each other. One needs to bring something to a marriage. One person cannot be the whole marriage. That would be exhausting.
Sounds to me like you were a drain on her and she just couldn't give everything to her work and you too. She made her choice. I am not trying to be mean, but just want to make sure you get help before you start into another relationship. Otherwise, it could happen again to you.
Holy Christ. You must be an Olympic Gold Medalist in long jump, what with the way you so breezily leap to conclusions.
You know, when someone completely violates your trust on such a fundamental level and you're pretty much in a panic, I don't think looking at phone records to try to figure out WTF is going on is indicative of jerkiness. It may not be right and it may not be productive, but I don't think it makes you a jerk either.
But who knows, maybe I'm just a jerk.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 12-01-2009 at 01:42 PM..
Reason: Orphaned post
Could your marriage have been all about you. Did you romance her, remember her birthdays, plan trips away for the two of you. No one changes just like that. There was a reason and I suggest you get help to find out why. Check her phone records.
My first clue was your thread title--Totally lost without my wife. I would miss my husband, but I would never be totally lost without him and he would never be totally lost without me. We are equals that happen to be married to each other. One needs to bring something to a marriage. One person cannot be the whole marriage. That would be exhausting.
Sounds to me like you were a drain on her and she just couldn't give everything to her work and you too. She made her choice. I am not trying to be mean, but just want to make sure you get help before you start into another relationship. Otherwise, it could happen again to you.
This was uncalled for and mean-spirited
If your spouse suddenly ups and leaves you it is natural to try to figure out WHY. Looking at phone records will often times offer a few clues to help a person "make sense" of what is going on. Have some compassion.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 12-01-2009 at 01:41 PM..
Reason: Orphaned post
After 4 years of marriage, my wife just decided to leave me. I just found this out two weeks ago. She didn't want to try and reconcile or try separation, she just wants out. She stated that there is no other man involved, and when I check her phone records, there have not been any calls or text messages made out of the ordinary. She works 70 hours a week and told me that her career is more important than her marriage.
I don't know what to do. Its not mutual and I'm totally in love with her, always have been. But she is gone and I have no choice but to move on. Whenever we talk, its about money or possessions. I just can't understand it. She was never into money or possessions before. We've been together for 7 years and I've been faithful to her, never even look at other women. I am a one woman man and I believe that marriage is the most sacred bond of all. I've put all my trust and faith into this one woman and she wants to leave me.
My question is: How does a person just change like that? Where do I go from here? I'm only 34 but I feel like my life is over. Does it ever get easier?
I'm sorry you are in so much pain, but, yes, it will get better. How does a person change just like that? I don't know - something in her has changed her mind. Let her go. I used to tell myself if someone didn't want to be with me and I loved them - imagine how I'm going to feel when I do meet the right one. And I did. And so will you. She wasn't the right one and you will find that out someday. Just keep plugging on. You will make it and you will be stronger for it. You sound like a real prize and you will make some deserving woman very happy.
No, it doesn't get easier. There will be constant challenges in life. The best advice I can give you is to learn how to cope with change, because life is a series of changes and you learn how to roll with them and take them in stride you'll have an easier time, not easy, but perhaps a healthier method of coping.
I'm sorry to hear about your wife. If you have exhausted all options and she is set on divorce, then the only thing you can do is move on and not dwell on the past. Do not torture yourself with trying to apply logic to this. Dust yourself off and keep yourself busy. Do not sit around and think yourself into a funk. Spend time with friends and family and stay active. Move to a new place so you aren't reminded of her all the time. It's going to hurt for awhile, but it's not the end of the world it just seems like you can see it from where you are right now. Hang in there.
I looked at some of the OP's previous posts and see he was thinking about moving away from NJ where he now lives to someplace different several hours away. I wonder if his wife was so thoroughly opposed to this idea that she called it quits? It wouldn't be the first time I've heard of one partner who wasn't happy about leaving friends, family, and shopping.
I'm sorry you're having to experience this sudden turn.
Actually, my wife was the one who wanted to move away more than me. And we were planning to move only 3 hours away from friends and family. I wanted to make her happy and since I also had no problem leaving, that was the plan.
Actually, my wife was the one who wanted to move away more than me. And we were planning to move only 3 hours away from friends and family. I wanted to make her happy and since I also had no problem leaving, that was the plan.
Are you sure you're not me having traveled back in time 6 years? The details of your marriage (and the disintegration thereof) tracks so closely to my first marriage (and the disintegration thereof) that it's downright eerie.
Although I put up a fight about the "moving" thing for a while until it occurred to me that she was probably going to move with or without me. That should have been a glaring clue that the "without me" part was going to happen anyway.
Are you sure you're not me having traveled back in time 6 years? The details of your marriage (and the disintegration thereof) tracks so closely to my first marriage (and the disintegration thereof) that it's downright eerie.
Although I put up a fight about the "moving" thing for a while until it occurred to me that she was probably going to move with or without me. That should have been a glaring clue that the "without me" part was going to happen anyway.
I was actually pretty excited to be moving. Although I like where I live now, I've been here for a long time and I was intrigued by something new. My wife also wanted a change.
Now I realize that I should have kept my eyes open more- when people are looking to change everything in their life, its a signal that they are not happy. I guess that as a man, I needed to be hit over the head with something before I could see it. People who always need change in their life are lacking something, usually happiness. They will exchange something good for something bad, if it means a change. I should have been more in tune with my wifes wants and desires.
If your spouse suddenly ups and leaves you it is natural to try to figure out WHY. Looking at phone records will often times offer a few clues to help a person "make sense" of what is going on. Have some compassion.
I don't understand why people are giving me such a hard time for checking phone records to see who my wife is calling. She isn't my girlfriend and we don't live seperate lives. She also would have every right to know who I am speaking with. We should have nothing to hide from each other.
If I checked her phone records and found a phone number called over and over again, late at night, and more often than she calls me, would I then have a right to be suspicious? At what point am I allowed to be suspicious- only when I catch her in the act with another man? A wife cheating on her husband is not totally out of the realm of what happens when someone just decides to leave a marriage.
I agree. If it's your phone bill, you have every right to look at it.
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