I'm totally lost without my wife (Latin, feelings, personal, difference)

[Vintage Sunlight]

Hello- I'm the original poster. I wrote this in 2009 and now its 2012, and thanks very much to many of you for your kind words. That time was, and still is, the most difficult time I've ever gone through. I came to to find out that she was having an affair for many months, but was just very good at hiding it. Her best friend (who she also betrayed) notified me of it a few months after the divorce was final. The friend told me there was nothing I could do, or did wrong. She further told me that the guy my wife was having an affair with was also married, and never left his wife. He stopped seeing her soon after we divorced.

After that point, she dragged me into a 2 year legal battle over the home we owned together. She (and her lawyers, of course) felt that she was entitled to the house for some reason, and that I should just walk away while my name remained on the mortgage. They tried various threats, and I had to get tough and hire a lawyer to countersue if they continued to harass me. In the end, they bought me out and I won the battle. But, it cost me thousands of dollars and I was flat broke. She gained a house with everything in it, and her rich daddy pays for it. Life lesson learned- life is not always fair and there is nothing you can do about it. But I am alive and well, and have a stable life now.

I've decided to begin writing a book about my experiences, mostly because it helps me through self-counseling to write the experiences out. I'm not a big believer in counselors because we went to the counselor during the divorce, and of course, she had the counselor fooled too. At this point, I am also seeking to relocate out-of-state, as I cannot afford to live here on my own and I am strongly desiring new life experiences in another place where I know no one. A fresh start. That's where I'm at right now. I'm 36, single, alive, and have my freedom.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by naughtynaughtyroxxx

Similar situation here. My wife (divorce is in court right now, so we're still married legally) was 21 and I was 34 when we married. She has never been able to open up and talk about anything. For 6.5 years, she gave me and our families, friends, etc. every indication (expressed and implied) that she was happy with our marriage. Suddenly, last Spring, she began to behave strangely; toggling back and forth between being hostile toward me at times and treating me like a disease and, at other times, acting smitten with me as she always used to. I asked her what was wrong, telling her that she made me feel, at times, that she didn't like me anymore or didn't want me around. She responded by telling me that I was making something out of nothing. She claimed that she was just stressed with / over life, work, money, etc. I suggested that we see a therapist if she felt she couldn't say some things to me one-on-one (as she had admitted to in the past) and she refused, stating that I thought she was "nuts" or something if I would suggest we see a couples therapist. I fell back and decided to wait for her to find a place where she could speak up if she needed to. I continued to work as hard as I could to be the best husband and father (we have a 2-year-old little boy) possible for me. August came and a friend told me to ask my wife about "the bread guy," offering nothing more than she had witnessed my wife and this guy behaving inappropriately with one another on more than one occasion. I asked my wife about the guy and she shied away. We did not speak of it again until the end of Septembre when she admitted to having been engaged in an affair with the guy since the Summer at some point - I found out later that she had begun involvement with him last May. This would explain her aforementioned strange behaviour beginning last Spring. She was so very not the type to consider extramarital affairs, giving me every reason to believe firmly that she was a pure monogamist. Over the last four months, she has opened up and claims that she needs to "find" herself and, somehow, prove to herself that she can go at life on her own, saying that she was prevented from doing what everyone else was / is able to do during their early-mid 20s. She moved out this weekend. My heart is in a thousand pieces and I am completely lost without her. I made a commitment to her that is for life; to always be her best friend, confidant, husband and father of our child. She took my heart with her when she left and I am here, waiting, with a hole in me the size of her.

Dude. This thread is over 2 years old. If you want discussion on your own situation, start your own thread.

[Vintage Sunlight]

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

Dude. This thread is over 2 years old. If you want discussion on your own situation, start your own thread.

I haven't been that active for a while due to life's circumstances, but I posted a response to this thread above. I hope to be more active on here in the future. I definitely appreciate people who have posted their own stories about themselves. Made me feel like I wasn't alone!

[phoenix_down]

Originally Posted by Union Federal

Hello- I'm the original poster...

Thanks for sharing! I'm glad you are back on your feet and exploring new futures!

[LibraGirl123]

Originally Posted by Union Federal

I've decided to begin writing a book about my experiences, mostly because it helps me through self-counseling to write the experiences out. I'm not a big believer in counselors because we went to the counselor during the divorce, and of course, she had the counselor fooled too. At this point, I am also seeking to relocate out-of-state, as I cannot afford to live here on my own and I am strongly desiring new life experiences in another place where I know no one. A fresh start. That's where I'm at right now. I'm 36, single, alive, and have my freedom.

I am so sorry for everything you've had to go through these past three years. Keep taking it day by day, putting one foot in front of the other...and learn from your past. And remember, there is NO price that can be put on your freedom.

Good luck!

[Caltovegas]

Sometimes in life a beer and hooker is warranted. Maybe a legal one in Nevada.. One thing about women is nothing ever just happens. It's good you made a rebound but don't let your hurt linger on for too long because deep down the only one your hurting is yourself. I let a hurt be with me for over 5 years and it wasn't worth it because I let some great women fly by..

Now get this the woman moved on with her life. Of course she got what she deserved with the other guy but she did move on and the world didn't stop. So get back out there because life is short.. It's her loss and I can guarantee at some point she is going to try to contact you again and say she is sorry and would like to give it another try.

Good luck..Vegas babyyyyyyyyyyy..

[Vintage Sunlight]

Originally Posted by LibraGirl123

I am so sorry for everything you've had to go through these past three years. Keep taking it day by day, putting one foot in front of the other...and learn from your past. And remember, there is NO price that can be put on your freedom.

Good luck!

Thank you for your kindness. And I agree- free and broke is better than rich and miserable!

[Vintage Sunlight]

Originally Posted by Caltovegas

Sometimes in life a beer and hooker is warranted. Maybe a legal one in Nevada.. One thing about women is nothing ever just happens. It's good you made a rebound but don't let your hurt linger on for too long because deep down the only one your hurting is yourself. I let a hurt be with me for over 5 years and it wasn't worth it because I let some great women fly by..

Now get this the woman moved on with her life. Of course she got what she deserved with the other guy but she did move on and the world didn't stop. So get back out there because life is short.. It's her loss and I can guarantee at some point she is going to try to contact you again and say she is sorry and would like to give it another try.

Good luck..Vegas babyyyyyyyyyyy..

I agree. Like anything, you have good days and bad days. As time goes on, more good than bad. Good luck in Vegas.

[bloominscranton]

I was very happy to read your update! Good luck and God Bless on your future!

[ImCurlybelle]

So sad, my heart goes out to you ...

I don't believe people can turn their feelings off and on like a water faucet, I believe somewhere along the journey things start to change, people start growing a part, and distance starts coming in-between 2 ... we don't always want to see, or hear it- but the writing is often on the wall It takes going through the hurt, pain, anger, before you finally say, "How did I miss that" ...

On another note, not sure where you live, but here in the North East, people are so into their career, and money ... Ugh ! Such a rat race, and so cut throat.