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There was a bit of drama over the obituary for my brother this past December. My father's wife, who he does not live with, was offended that she and her son, my half-brother, were not included in the obit. Neither of them spoke to my late brother the past 7 years (bad blood). Things escalted in a horrible way. My mom snapped over it, etc. It was very difficult having her (and her nutty mother) at the services, tho, it was nice to see my half-brother. I did argue with my mom that you can't tell people not to attend a funeral. Besides, they were going to support my dad.
Fast foward...
We've been writing out the sympothy thank you cards. My mom pretty much has a crying fit every time she sits down to write them. When I went down over New Years I took half of the cards and the list. I understand where she's coming from. I can only get three or four cards done at a time. My mom wants us to send them out all at the same time (not sure why, but whatever). Either way, it's taking us time to get these finished since a lot of people showed up, sent flowers, went to the repass, etc.
Night before last my father called me asking why the cards haven't been sent out yet. That his wife is p*ssed that she hasn't received her card; that cards are supposed to be sent within two weeks, etc. I'm livid over this. I'm also supposed to drive my father to my brother's graduation in May, which will result in a total of 22 hours of driving for me. I hate the idea of seeing this woman. I feel like sending her a money order to cover the flowers they sent and telling her to screw off.
I know that's not the right thing to do. I should just write an impersonal thank you card and be done with it. I will not tell my mother about this because all hell will break loose. Frankly, this whole thing has set me back a few steps in the grieving process. I was doing pretty well it this week, and now I feel like it was weeks ago.
I understand completely. I buried my sister last March and it was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. We too had "the disappeared for years" relative show up causing drama and confusion. Tell your father to remind her this isn't a happy occaision, you have lost someone you love and if she is so insensitive that she can't understand how hard this is for you, she can go jump in the lake.
I understand completely. I buried my sister last March and it was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. We too had "the disappeared for years" relative show up causing drama and confusion. Tell your father to remind her this isn't a happy occaision, you have lost someone you love and if she is so insensitive that she can't understand how hard this is for you, she can go jump in the lake.
I don't know what the heck is wrong with some people. How anyone can take that type of situation and make it about them is beyond cruel. My father did explain to her why it has been difficult for us to get the cards out on time. But, the fact that he has to explain it to her burns me up. He's also dealing with the loss of his son. He should not have to give a thank you card to his own wife via me or not. That's the most assinine thing of it all. I really want to tell her to p*ss off.
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I am very sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for yours as well.
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Originally Posted by sophialee
Ugh the woman sounds like a total narcissist.
Just mail her the card and mail the rest when they are finished and be done w/ her whining, IMO.
That's what my bf said last night. She told me to make it impersonal and sign with the family names (Smith-Jones) rather than our first names. Don't let my former step-mother get anything out of it.
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I wouldn't tell your mom either. Good call.
I know my mom would call my dad and flip. And she'd call this woman. My aunt would probably get involved as well. It would be a full out Jersey-Italian thrashing.
Should I cancel going to this graduation? I'm not sure what to do about that. But, my dh has offered to take the responsibility in my place.
Another vote for sending her the card right now. The woman is obviously classless. The mere fact that you and your mother are writing these thank-yous is a testament to your social skills. Many people don't and it wouldn't be considered improper to just telephone and say, "Thank you for the lovely flowers". Anyone with expectations of ANY display of gratitude sounds to me like a selfish mess.
I agree. Just send her the note right now, leave it at that and ignore all the drama. Good luck!
Yea, I should just get it out today...no check for the cost of the flowers. My brother had crohn's disease. Maybe I could make a donation to the CCFA (the cost of the flowers) in her name.
Another vote for sending her the card right now. The woman is obviously classless. The mere fact that you and your mother are writing these thank-yous is a testament to your social skills. Many people don't and it wouldn't be considered improper to just telephone and say, "Thank you for the lovely flowers". Anyone with expectations of ANY display of gratitude sounds to me like a selfish mess.
What makes this whole thing tougher is that we're sending thank you's even to folk that just sent cards, electronic cards to people that emailed and signed the funeral website and folk that commented on my brother's fb page. That's a lot of stuff to do.
Thanks for the responses. I'm sending out the card today.
Yea, I should just get it out today...no check for the cost of the flowers. My brother had crohn's disease. Maybe I could make a donation to the CCFA (the cost of the flowers) in her name.
That's totally cool. If your mom wants to wait and send all cards at once, do that. That woman can wait for hers, it won't kill her.
As far as the graduation, I'd still go unless you have bad blood with your brother, it's his day not hers, you can ignore her. Or sit on the other side of the event. But I probably wouldn't go to the after party.
Should I cancel going to this graduation? I'm not sure what to do about that. But, my dh has offered to take the responsibility in my place.
I'd wait and see how you feel. You can always come up w/ an excuse at the last minute if you are still in a rage.
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