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Old 12-02-2009, 03:15 PM
 
10,464 posts, read 7,517,412 times
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I don't think you can gauge success by the amount of time you know a person. I know people who were sweethearts for ages before getting married and they didn't last more than a couple of years either. It's about the people, the connection they have, and how hard they fight to stay in the game.
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Old 12-02-2009, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Eternal State of Confusion
7,308 posts, read 8,650,267 times
Reputation: 9485
I think their age plays a significant role here. At 40 and 50, people tend to become more relaxed with who they are as opposed to someone they're trying to be when they're in the late teens and early twenties. There's a lot of growth when someone is in their 20s, but usually by the time you're in your 40s, you're pretty set in your ways and ideas. I would hope by 40, you know what you want and what you don't want and have learned to read & figure people out by then.

I'd congratulate them and buy them a gift.
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Old 12-02-2009, 05:17 PM
 
Location: The Jar
10,098 posts, read 5,570,324 times
Reputation: 19186
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
What do you all think about people who get engaged/married after only dating for a very short period of time? I know this used to be fairly common, even engagements were kept very short. Around the time of WW2, due to the war many people rushed into marriage, BUT many of them stayed married, the divorce rates weren't anywhere as high as they are today. The reason I'm asking this, my friend I mentioned on another thread, just met a girl and had sex with her after only knowing her a week. Now he's talking about asking her to marry him and he says she's on the same page despite only knowing each other for less than a month. These two are NOT kids, both in their late forties, early fifties. My grandma had an old-timers saying :"marry in haste, repent in leasure". What do you all think of quickie marriages?
Some people just know it is meant to be. Their call, not mine.
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Old 12-02-2009, 06:51 PM
 
1,325 posts, read 1,190,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
What do you all think about people who get engaged/married after only dating for a very short period of time? I know this used to be fairly common, even engagements were kept very short. Around the time of WW2, due to the war many people rushed into marriage, BUT many of them stayed married, the divorce rates weren't anywhere as high as they are today. The reason I'm asking this, my friend I mentioned on another thread, just met a girl and had sex with her after only knowing her a week. Now he's talking about asking her to marry him and he says she's on the same page despite only knowing each other for less than a month. These two are NOT kids, both in their late forties, early fifties. My grandma had an old-timers saying :"marry in haste, repent in leasure". What do you all think of quickie marriages?

I think they're stupid for taking such a huge risk. The odds of them ending up regressing it later are extremely high.
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Old 12-02-2009, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Peaks of Otter-Blue Ridge Mountains
1,183 posts, read 1,852,149 times
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I have been crazy busy today after I posted this thread so I haven't had time to read the responses yet, but I wanted to add this conversation I had today with my 90yr old neighboor. My neighboor and I got to talking about this today as I gave him a ride to visit his wife who is in the hospital. They met each other in March and got married on her birthday, July 4th. They've been married for(drum roll....) 65yrs! So, if ppl are truly committed, I guess it can work.
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Old 12-02-2009, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 12,033,452 times
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My ex, 9 years after we divorced, went to Russia and met his second wife. They married two weeks after they met. She came to the US and within two years told him to choose between her and his two grown kids. He won't have anything to do with his kids anymore--at all. They deserve each other.
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Old 12-02-2009, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Peaks of Otter-Blue Ridge Mountains
1,183 posts, read 1,852,149 times
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I don't begrudge them any happiness and I do hope they make it work. That said, there's some things that do concern me. For one, he is a born-again Christian who believes women should be submissive, the man is the head of the house and stay-at-home dads are weak sinners. Although he has all these Fundy views, he obviously has no problem with sex out of marriage. Also, he has a very very scary violent temper. I've been out shopping with him when he yelled obcenities at a cashier and then smashed his cell phone on the ground. We actually are not anywhere as close friends anymore as he unleashed this temper at me a few mo. ago. I don't know how this woman is going to feel if they get married right away and she doesn't know about his unchecked anger. I will say that he does have many wonderful qualities that are attractive.

Last edited by lilred0005; 12-02-2009 at 08:43 PM.. Reason: started new thread
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Old 12-02-2009, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 14,474,354 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DogLover99 View Post
I did it, 13 years ago!

Met and were engaged after one week. Married at six weeks.

Still together and doing well, in fact we're adopting three kids (6, 8, and 9).

Of course we were older (in our 30s), both had degrees and good jobs and knew who we were and where we stood in life. Similar religions as well.

I do NOT recommend it for anyone younger than 30, though. You don't know enough about life and yourself to make a go as a partner to someone else.

And it's not easy, but then marriage isn't easy. It takes commitment, respect, patience, humility, and honesty. And love, lots of love!
I agree with this

I'll be 30 in a few months and in my culture, an unmarried man in the 30s is referred to by one word - FAILURE.

And that would grossly overshadow my resounding success in my professional career

My mother keeps growling that she is unable to fend off questions from passers-by. LOL, my peers who grew up with me have all shot kids out. I went to an alumnus meet, and they were all like..... are you freaking ageing backwards All of them are in the thick of Dadhood.
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Old 12-02-2009, 08:42 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,144 posts, read 2,585,866 times
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I know quite a few people who met and were engaged within one to six months. All are still married! It can happen.

One of my friends met a guy, was pregnant three months later and married three months after that. They've now been married 15 years and have four kids.

One of my high school friends dated a guy for seven years, got married, and they were divorced less than six months after the wedding.

I'd wish my friend the best of luck and get a nice wedding gift. They are not kids and by your late forties, you just might know a thing or two about what you want.
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Old 12-03-2009, 02:53 AM
 
Location: California
25,616 posts, read 17,133,267 times
Reputation: 18131
Some people know what they want, and that is to be MARRIED. If the meet a like minded person and they are both committed and willing to work through whatever problems/suprises crop up then they will probably be successful at it. To be honest, I've learned everything I needed to know about the guys I've dated within the first couple of weeks. You don't NEED to know everything about someone, you really can't anyway, but you need to know your are on the same page about the big issues. Once you lock that down the getting to know you details can just be another fun part of your marriage.
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