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Old 12-04-2009, 03:35 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,289,718 times
Reputation: 877

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My husband is back (was overseas for work), and we are going out tonight. He's all excited and smiley, but I know I need to bring a topic up..."us". For some of you that have followed my posts, you know that we've had a rocky few yrs, and these last few months have been particularily challenging, mainly for me, more so than for him.

I feel like we are 2 people living in the same household, that take care of the kids, rather than a "couple". He's gone half the time anyway, and I can honestly say that I feel happier when he is not here than when he is. Part of that is b/c I don't feel that connection (phys./emot. etc) and part of it is b/c he has a bad temper. I have friends that say that the happiest part of their day is when their dh comes home from work. Mine is when he goes to work.

So tonight, I'm going to try to talk to him, but I hardly know where to start or what to say. I'm nervous and scared, but I know that we can't move forward in our relationship if these things don't get addressed.
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:45 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 16,404,653 times
Reputation: 8055
Quote:
Originally Posted by dgfurman View Post
My husband is back (was overseas for work), and we are going out tonight. He's all excited and smiley, but I know I need to bring a topic up..."us". For some of you that have followed my posts, you know that we've had a rocky few yrs, and these last few months have been particularily challenging, mainly for me, more so than for him.

I feel like we are 2 people living in the same household, that take care of the kids, rather than a "couple". He's gone half the time anyway, and I can honestly say that I feel happier when he is not here than when he is. Part of that is b/c I don't feel that connection (phys./emot. etc) and part of it is b/c he has a bad temper. I have friends that say that the happiest part of their day is when their dh comes home from work. Mine is when he goes to work.

So tonight, I'm going to try to talk to him, but I hardly know where to start or what to say. I'm nervous and scared, but I know that we can't move forward in our relationship if these things don't get addressed.
Good for you for addressing the subject and discussing it with your husband. Good luck and I hope that you will see great things in your future.

I also want to recommend a book called "Broken Open", I think it may address some of the feelings that you have.
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:49 PM
 
6,499 posts, read 10,948,924 times
Reputation: 11079
Well, I think you should pick another time to do it. Not a good idea when you're out to have a nice time. Good way to ruin it, and a good way to get him to NOT talk to you about it later.

Pick another time.
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:53 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,289,718 times
Reputation: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama View Post
Good for you for addressing the subject and discussing it with your husband. Good luck and I hope that you will see great things in your future.

I also want to recommend a book called "Broken Open", I think it may address some of the feelings that you have.
Thanks, Max's mama. I'll try to see if I can find that book while I'm stateside (next wk).
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Old 12-04-2009, 03:57 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 16,404,653 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Well, I think you should pick another time to do it. Not a good idea when you're out to have a nice time. Good way to ruin it, and a good way to get him to NOT talk to you about it later.

Pick another time.
you are probably right, perhaps she should enjoy the night tonight....although it could be easier to discuss tough topics when both parties are in a good mood...
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Old 12-04-2009, 04:05 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,289,718 times
Reputation: 877
Well, the prob. for me is that he travels A LOT. I mean, he is gone more than he is here. Sometimes we only have the wknds, and then the kids are around all the time. I wanted to get out somewhere to a place that was neutral, where we could "talk". I'm not telling him I'm leaving him or anything like that, I just want to talk about our relationship, how he feels about things, how I do.....
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Old 12-04-2009, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 24,094,046 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dgfurman View Post
Well, the prob. for me is that he travels A LOT. I mean, he is gone more than he is here. Sometimes we only have the wknds, and then the kids are around all the time. I wanted to get out somewhere to a place that was neutral, where we could "talk". I'm not telling him I'm leaving him or anything like that, I just want to talk about our relationship, how he feels about things, how I do.....

I think if you think its a good idea, then go for it!

I hope the talk goes well for you!!
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Old 12-04-2009, 04:42 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,289,718 times
Reputation: 877
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
I think if you think its a good idea, then go for it!

I hope the talk goes well for you!!
Thanks yankeegirl. I hardly know where to start, but we need to start somewhere, and start talking about "us". It's a subject we never talk about, and seem to avoid.
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Old 12-04-2009, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 24,094,046 times
Reputation: 24069
Quote:
Originally Posted by dgfurman View Post
Thanks yankeegirl. I hardly know where to start, but we need to start somewhere, and start talking about "us". It's a subject we never talk about, and seem to avoid.
Communication is so important in any relationship! I sure hope that you two can begin yours!!
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Michigan--good on the rocks
2,544 posts, read 3,934,131 times
Reputation: 1956
It's probably too late and you are out already, and I hope it goes well. I think it's important, though, when you are bringing up a delicate subject, to observe a few courtesies.

Address behaviors. "When you do/say ..............., I feel ................."
Try not to make it sound like an attack in any way. He will just shut down if he gets that vibe.

Try to address it early in the evening, so you have the rest of the night to make up and enjoy after things have been discussed. Otherwise, it may feel like you've just ruined a nice night out.

Try not to make it sound personal. I guess that goes with the first suggestion. It is that important, though: Address behaviors.

Good luck.
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