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Curious to know what you all think of this. I am a single man who has not been in a relationship for a few years and have not had sex since then. Nor at this time does that prospect appear like it will change any time soon.
I would like to have sex again someday. I do not seem to have the ability to go out and meet someone for a one night stand or a booty call - I am simply not the type to go pick someone up at a bar. I hate the idea of going to a prostitute, believe me, but as the years go by I wonder why not?
As most of you know there are legal brothels in parts of Nevada. I have never patronized one but I have some idea of what they are like. I am seriously considering visiting one.
I have no moral problem with this. The women who work at these places are clean and healthy and not street walkers, and they are required to use condoms. They even live at these places while they work there, and as I said they are legal and regulated. Mostly I am worried about what some woman I date down the line would think when I am confessing this adventure. Ladies, what would you think if a man you had started dating admitted he had patronized a prostitute at one of these legal brothels? Would it change your opinion of him or cause you doubts about his character? Or would you understand given the circumstances?
Well, well not you. You are in need of some serious advice here so here goes ..If you are lonely, prostitutes are not gonna be your friend, you are only a business transaction..(solution, get a dog, he will be your friend no matter what)..If you go around telling the ladies that you visit brothels that is a definite turnoff..(solution, shut up about it)..If you think a nice clean bed and a condom makes it healthy and disease free forget it. (Not all std's are avoided with clean sheets and a condom). If you cintinue to have a problem with self control ..Never mind ask a doctor or someone who will take you seriously
NotYouKnowWho, I can sympathize with you completely. I'm in my early forties, been married for 18 years, and haven't had sex (not even physical contact with someone) in at least the past 15 years. At this stage, I've pretty much given up on the prospect of ever having sex again. Between the lonliness, the isolation, and the realization that I'll never again enjoy one of life's greatest pleasures, somedays becomes almost more than I can bear.
I had my doctor prescribe anti-depressants for me. They were nice in the fact that they take away the desire for sex, and abilty to have an erection. However, the other side-effects were a bit more then I wanted, so I'm off them now.
If the opportunity presented itself, I cerainly wouldn't hesitate. I would hope to avoid any diseases or HIV, but, in reality, I'd rather die at an early age from AIDS that to continue living as I do today.
Let me just say that I am not a christian, I dictate my own morals...not a church or a bible...
There are certain things that make a man out of the pool of posible lovers...
One who is currently married
One who is currently a priest
One who frequents prostitutes
One who is DEAD...
For me these are absolutes...no passes...I have to say that if I was dating a guy who had EVER done this, I would end it right then and there...
It would be very clear that this persons idea of the purpose of sex is not what mine is...no reason to continue with someone who speaks a difference language.
Good post, Lisa! Even though you and I are coming from different worldviews, I find many times lately you say exactly what I'm thinking about something!
I'm an old married lady so it's really hypothetical for me to consider who I'd date or not...but while I might not be quite as adamant as Lisa, I just would have to agree that it would signal to me that this guy and I have some real fundamental difference in looking at things.
I would vote with the "no hoe" group,but if you think this is the only avenue available remember-what happens in Vegas,stays in Vegas. Oh,and the name of the brothel was The Chicken Ranch~~~~~ (oops I really never went there) No seriously I didn't!
NotYouKnowWho, I can sympathize with you completely. I'm in my early forties, been married for 18 years, and haven't had sex (not even physical contact with someone) in at least the past 15 years. At this stage, I've pretty much given up on the prospect of ever having sex again. Between the lonliness, the isolation, and the realization that I'll never again enjoy one of life's greatest pleasures, somedays becomes almost more than I can bear.
I had my doctor prescribe anti-depressants for me. They were nice in the fact that they take away the desire for sex, and abilty to have an erection. However, the other side-effects were a bit more then I wanted, so I'm off them now.
If the opportunity presented itself, I cerainly wouldn't hesitate. I would hope to avoid any diseases or HIV, but, in reality, I'd rather die at an early age from AIDS that to continue living as I do today.
Why are you still married to someone who hasn't been intimate with you for more than the first three years of marriage?
Why are you still married to someone who hasn't been intimate with you for more than the first three years of marriage?
Yes, superk, I think probably everyone that read your post wondered what was going on in your life to cause you to make such statements. This sounds a lot more complex than just "no sex." You certainly don't have to open up about your life to "us strangers" on this venue, but in all seriousness, sometimes quite a bit of "collective wisdom" does come out in some of these threads if you do want to talk about it. Blessings on you and I hope things get better for you.
Morally i would have no problem with it, but the health angle is risky, but so is driving down a 2 lane road at 70mph.
The trick is to find one who is "new to the business" lol
Seriously though, If you try and pick someone up at a bar are they really safe? If this is what they do then who knows what disease they have picked up. You also have to worry about them wanting to have a relationship with you that you may not want. If you go to a prostitute you will have to be very honest with yourself weather you can live with yourself afterwards. One human induced orgasm isn't worth a lifetime of guilt. So, that is the question you have to answer for yourself. "Can I do it and move on?".
The best solution in my opinion? Buy a realistic vagina (I saw one in a love shop once, apparently it feels like the real thing, warms up and even vibrates!!) and then up your game in the dating department. I don't remember if anyone mentioned this but have you joined a dating service? It would probably cost around the same as a professional prostitute.
You seem like you really would like to be in a loving relationship. How about starting a new thread saying "Please help me get back into the dating scene!".
I have to wonder WHY you've been unable to connect with a female for dating?? "Years" is a long time?! Have you put as much thought into why you are unable to meet someone, as you have put into visiting a prostitute? What's making you undesirable to women?
Just my thoughts on the subject - and no, I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were a girlfriend after the fact. It's over, done with, gone, history - keep it planted.
Yes, you are right, "years" is a long time. It's kind of a long story why I struggle to date. Suffice to say, I am shy, inhibited around women, and also picky, a difficult combination. I have given it more thought and energy than I care to remember, and I have gone down all the aveunes most of you would suggest -therapy, self-help books, anti-depressants, personal ads, classes on "meeting people," even a dating coach. After a while you get burnt out trying to work on this stuff and you need a break, and for a while I have not been dealing with it.
I am not naive about what visting a working girl means. It is not a cure for loneliness. I know it's a business transaction for her, but in a sense it is for me, too. (The same can be said for visiting a therapist, you know, which you are reminded of at the end of the hour when your therapist interrupts and says, "I think our time is up for today.") Just like you sometimes pay a therapist just to have someone to spill your problems to, I envison seeing a working girl as a kind of therapy and human contact that I have difficulty obtaining any other way.
And I am aware of the possibilities for disease even with a condom. Then again, you take that chance whenever you sleep with someone new, right? And how do you know they did not have 100 sex partners in the past?
Finally, I do like to be open with women I date. I would hate to hold stuff back. I probably would not let spill on the first date that I have a Chicken Ranch frequent visitor card, but I would hope to let her know at some point. In my experience some women I've known would have no problem with this, others would. I could probably guess her reaction to this news based on how she feels about related things. I also would not want to date a woman who has such severe moral problems with this sort of thing (in the right context, at least) that she would disown me. But it is a delicate thing.
First, I too would be wondering why you are telling me. I never once asked my husband and previous lovers (don't wanna know), and my husband never asked me about mine. And if he did...I would tell him simply that if I had 1 or 100, it was none of his business, it was before his time...and it could do no good to tell him about any of it-only bad.
Now if my date just blurted that out of the blue...at first I am sure I would be mad, skeeved...any negative reaction. But if I took the time to think about it, like I am now as an unbiased outsider...beside the money "business" transaction...what is so different from banging a hooker or banging a one night stand? Really, none, except for the fact that usually professional hookers are more careful. So if I ever had a one night stand (my business, guys!)...then who would I be to judge him??
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(oops I really never went there)
No seriously I didn't!
