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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:07 PM
 
45 posts, read 37,193 times
Reputation: 48
Default He broke a law of the universe, should I give him another chance?

Hey there,

I'm a 20-year-old girl in college about 4 hours away from home and I've been with who I think is a great guy for about 6 months. He is 26; a little older, but we work well together. We have a long-term relationship that works out really well. Our families have been friends for years through sports, so we have had a friendly relationship for years before we started dating seriously.

It sounds cliche, but we have so much in common and we both understand each other very well. We are both only-children, both played the same sport, both grew up in the same places, etc. we even say the same words and phrases and have the same views on life.

So I noticed he can be a little crazy when he has a couple drinks, but nothing outrageous. I can be too, but all in good fun! We have a good time but nothing actually dangerous happens just alot of laughs kind of thing. I feel it's okay to have this kind of fun sometimes, while still being able to be yourself.

Ok, with that said, we've never had a fight, but boy did we have one on Thanksgiving. I decided to spend the day at his house, and my mom was coming over later for the first time for desert. Everything was fine the whole day, until everyone had a couple drinks. I could tell he was a little annoyed at his parents during the day for some reason but I didnt say anything. My mom comes over, and he starts acting very strange and angry and annoyed that she is there. Long story short, he KICKS her out of his house at the end of the night. Wasn't even that late, around nine thirty. His mom decided to go to bed early (she is an older woman) and his father was in the bathroom when he said to my mom, "You, it's time to get out." I asked him if he was ok; everyone was shocked! He said, "Im serious, get out, my mom is in bed it's time for you to go" I was so shocked and so was my mother we thought it was a joke at first but it wasn't. I was supposed to sleep over but obviously, now i wasnt. I said "that was so rude, you're kicking my mom out of your house?! Well I guess Im leaving too then" and he just said alright. seeya.

I was completely embarrassed and shocked at the event. He was obviously drunk, but I have been with him before when hes been drunk but never acted nasty like that before.

The next day he asked me when I was coming over, oblivious and ignoring the fact that I may be upset or that he was wrong to do that. I gave him my mom's number and he apologized to her, but the conversation got heated and he started calling her a bad mother, bad names, and not there for her daughter, and that Im 20 yrs old and can do what I want!? I asked him after why he argued with my mom when he should be apologizing, and he at first denied the names he called her. Then said the reason he got mad thanksgiving was because he thought she hated him, and when he was younger he had a problem with accepting that people didn't like him, so when he drinks and is with someone who he thinks doesnt lie him, the bad attitude comes out. He had A.D.D. as a child, so maybe this is a part of that? I said even if that was so, youre older and should know when to control yourself when this happens. Especially when it's your gf's mother and the first time she visits! (I have never said my mother hated him, although in the beginning of our relationship I did say she was skeptical of his age and some of his college stories. I told him she was just being a mother, just very protective and in a dry sense of humor kind of way. As our relationship grew, she became more open to him. So, I think he must have misunderstood what I said. Even so, there isnt an excuse for that behavior to happen, twice.)

He has said he loves me in the past and that I am the girl for him. He can "feel it in his gut, unlike other girls he has dated". I kind of believe him, however I also believe you don't embarrass someone you "love" even if he thought my mother didn't like him or he didnt like her! It's a deal breaker rule of the universe you shouldn't break right? Was he just saying he loved me? My mom said she for real doesn't trust him now and never will. She said you can do what you want obviously, you are 20 and Ill always love you but i cant support that. I don't blame her!

So the question is, should i give him a second chance? He said he was just having a bad day. Was it? Will it happen again? It happened twice-- he disrespected my mom twice. I was starting to really love him before this happened! Everything else about him is so great, however this is a huge untolerable flaw, right? I really did believe he was perfect for me and he said he wouldnt be able to live without me before. It hurts because it all happened so fast, in a weekend. He apologized to me a million times, but I can't tell if he is sorry I'm mad, but not sorry at my mom. Everything was peachy until thanksgiving freakkout. I don't want to breakup with him because we really connect so well on every level. He is my first serious boyfriend and I know I am young, but I felt at one time before this happened he had potential to be the one for me. I feel he has almost every piece of the recipe for the perfect guy for me; I have never seen another guy like him before with so many similar qualities, who knows if I will again? We understand each other, but isn't this fight something that should really end a relationship? How should I handle this?

Thanks for taking a look

Last edited by GirlWhoLovesLife; 12-08-2009 at 08:23 PM..
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:09 PM
 
Location: The High Seas
5,500 posts, read 6,077,244 times
Reputation: 6004
Teach him a lesson. Leave him.
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:11 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
1,667 posts, read 1,816,211 times
Reputation: 938
I think your mother is right... now is a good time to get rid of him, his behavior isn't likely to improve
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Florida
1,313 posts, read 773,365 times
Reputation: 443
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Drunk is no excuse, it just removes the fear to say what you really think.

Bad day?
We all know that won't be the only one of those in the future.

Please don't risk the *next step*. Back away.....




Best to you,
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 49,305,739 times
Reputation: 22663
Guess who is next in line for this treatment?!
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:16 PM
 
25,385 posts, read 16,966,857 times
Reputation: 22294
Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlWhoLovesLife View Post
Hey there,

I'm a 20-year-old girl in college about 4 hours away from home and I've been with who I think is a great guy for about 6 months. He is 26; a little older, but we work well together. We have a long-term relationship that works out really well. Our families have been friends for years through sports, so we have had a friendly relationship for years before we started dating seriously.

It sounds cliche, but we have so much in common and we both understand each other very well. We are both only-children, both played the same sport, both grew up in the same places, etc. we even say the same words and phrases and have the same views on life.

So I noticed he can be a little crazy when he has a couple drinks, but nothing outrageous. I can be too, but all in good fun! We have a good time but nothing actually dangerous happens just alot of laughs kind of thing. I feel it's okay to have this kind of fun sometimes, while still being able to be yourself.

Ok, with that said, we've never had a fight, but boy did we have one on Thanksgiving. I decided to spend the day at his house, and my mom was coming over later for the first time for desert. Everything was fine the whole day, until everyone had a couple drinks. I could tell he was a little annoyed at his parents during the day for some reason but I didnt say anything. My mom comes over, and he starts acting very strange and angry and annoyed that she is there. Long story short, he KICKS her out of his house at the end of the night. Wasn't even that late, around nine thirty. His mom decided to go to bed early (she is an older woman) and his father was in the bathroom when he said to my mom, "You, it's time to get out." I asked him if he was ok; everyone was shocked! He said, "Im serious, get out, my mom is in bed it's time for you to go" I was so shocked and so was my mother we thought it was a joke at first but it wasn't. I was supposed to sleep over but obviously, now i wasnt. I said "that was so rude, you're kicking my mom out of your house?! Well I guess Im leaving too then" and he just said alright. seeya.

I was completely embarrassed and shocked at the event. He was obviously drunk, but I have been with him before when hes been drunk but never acted nasty like that before.

The next day he asked me when I was coming over, oblivious and ignoring the fact that I may be upset or that he was wrong to do that. I gave him my mom's number and he apologized to her, but the conversation got heated and he started calling her a bad mother, bad names, and not there for her daughter, and that Im 20 yrs old and can do what I want!? I asked him after why he argued with my mom when he should be apologising, and he said he thought she hated him, and when he was younger he had a problem with accepting that people didn't like him, so when he drinks and is with someone who he thinks doesnt lie him, the bad attitude comes out. He had A.D.D. as a child, so maybe this is a part of that? I said even so, youre older and should know when to control yourself when this happens. Especially when it's your gf's mother and the first time she visits!

He has said he loves me in the past and that I am the girl for him. He can "feel it in his gut, unlike other girls he has dated". I believe him, however I also believe you don't embarrass someone you "love" even if he thought my mother didn't like him or he didnt like her! It's a deal breaker rule of the universe you shouldn't break right? My mom said she doesn't trust him now and never will. She said you can do what you want, you are 20 and Ill always love you but i cant support that. I don't blame her!

So the question is, should i give him a second chance? He said he was just having a bad day. Was it? Will it happen again? It happened twice, when he disrespected my mom. I was starting to really love him before this happened! Everything else about him is so great, however this is a huge untolerable flaw, right? I really did believe he was perfect for me and he said he wouldnt be able to live without me before. It hurts because it all happened so fast, in a weekend. Everything was peachy until thanksgiving freakkout. I don't want to breakup with him because we really connect so well on every level. He is my first serious boyfriend and I know I am young, but I felt at one time before this happened he had potential to be the one for me. We understand each other, but isn't this fight something that should really end a relationship?

Thanks for taking a look
Get. Out. Now.

He has a drinking problem. It will get worse. I am telling you this from experience. There will be another incident and another and another and another.

Believe his actions over his words. And listen to your mother.
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:17 PM
 
25,385 posts, read 16,966,857 times
Reputation: 22294
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Guess who is next in line for this treatment?!
DING DING DING, we have a winner!!!!
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
42,303 posts, read 49,185,858 times
Reputation: 33638
Your guy has a drinking problem - RUN, don't walk - NOW.
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:20 PM
 
3,284 posts, read 856,574 times
Reputation: 1832
If some girl treated my mother like dogsht she would be out the door before she had a chance to explain herself.
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:21 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,194 posts, read 7,177,084 times
Reputation: 8640
Wow. Just wow. That is extremely bad behavior, to say the least. I can only think of two possible explanations for this. 1. He is deep down inside a mean and nasty person and it only comes out when he drinks. 2. He has undx'ed mental problems. ADD doesn't count--this is not ADD behavior. Does his mother know about this? Have you talked to her? Something tells me that if he has a mental problem, she may have picked up on things before and this might be the incident that will send his parents in a search for help for him. Sometimes when people have a personality disorder (I'm not saying that's what it is) they can keep up a facade for years with people, but then their uncaring manners will surface in ways that will blow people away and leave them completely bewildered. Good luck in this--I think you should talk to his folks before you do anything, but the hard fact is, he doesn't sound like a keeper. I'm so sorry for you, but thank the Lord you found out as soon as you did.
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