Experiences with Ex's (dating, wife, how to, married)

[dukester2]

I was only married one time, and it lasted for 21 years. The reason for the divorce was that my wife said that she loved me, but didn't feel like she was in love with me anymore. At the time, that made NO sense to me whatsoever, and even though I suggested councelling and trying things to get that in-love feeling back, she felt it was a moot point, so I agreed to the divorce. After a year of living apart, and going to the proverbial mental mountain and finding me, I realized that she was very intelligent and I admire her for recognizing that and coming forward with it. She and I never had cuss-out arguments the entire time that we dated, after we were married, or since the divorce. We disagreed on things and talked through them rationally. We will love each other the rest of our lives, and will do anything for each other. Fast-forward to the present, 7 years after the divorce. Recently she broke off an engaged relationship, and I was between relationships. She was struggling financially so after her broken relationship, I put a self-imposed alimony on myself to help her get by, and will continue to do so as long as it takes. We started, 'dating', but it was really strange and the thought of becoming intimate just wasn't there, so we never acted upon it. We kissed, and that even felt odd. When we were alone together, it was so awkward that it was a relief when we parted. I had suggested that we reunite a while back, but now I know it was more for a paternal sort of reasoning versus a romantic, loving reason. She could be on my insurance plan and it would be so much easier financially for her. Not the right reason for a relationship at all. Not too long ago, I called her and asked about how soon she was going to sell her house and move back in with me in my house. She said, "I'm really not sure if I want to do that or not". I asked her if she had an interest in someone else, and she told me that she felt that she still had feelings for her guy she was engaged to. I told her, "That's wonderful!! Go talk to him and see if you guys can work it out". She wanted to know if I was okay and not hurt again, and I ASSURED her that I was feeling the same way she was and then gave her an analogy. I told her that getting back together felt like an Oreo cookie, except the sweet center filling was missing...you still love the cookie, but you miss the sweet inner filling. She cracked up and said that she was going to use that analogy. The next day she stopped over and had a gift for me...a package of Oreo cookies, WITH DOUBLE STUFFING!!. I LOVED it...lol

At any rate, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted and I sincerely hope her and her new man get back together. I wish her nothing but love and happiness. She gave me 3 beautiful children and I will always love her, but I now know it will never be a fast-heart racing, fireworks, romantic love like it once was for me. One problem though, even though the kids are young adults now, they were so excited about us getting back together and they TRULY dislike the guy my Ex is wanting to get back together with. We haven't broke it to them that we are not getting back together yet, and it is going to be almost as difficult as it was the day I told them we were getting a divorce.

Any of you had experiences of getting back with you Ex's?

[pirate girl]

dukester, you sound like a Gem. Your ex wife and children are lucky to have you in their lives.

[poprocksncoke]

I have ALWAYS trusted in that they are an EX for a reason.
Anytime I have ever thought about getting back together with an ex.. I think about all the reasons we are not together.

If they were "your soulmate" then they wouldn't have the title EX.

[Rance]

After what my ex did to me...the thought would never enter my mind. No way...no how..
But I wish there were more stories like yours out there.

[tet tea]

WoW ... so rare but wonderful.

I hope your children can understand your reasons for not getting back together. Having two wonderful parents even though apart is a blessing.

[seahawksweetie]

Originally Posted by dukester2

I was only married one time, and it lasted for 21 years. The reason for the divorce was that my wife said that she loved me, but didn't feel like she was in love with me anymore. At the time, that made NO sense to me whatsoever, and even though I suggested councelling and trying things to get that in-love feeling back, she felt it was a moot point, so I agreed to the divorce. After a year of living apart, and going to the proverbial mental mountain and finding me, I realized that she was very intelligent and I admire her for recognizing that and coming forward with it. She and I never had cuss-out arguments the entire time that we dated, after we were married, or since the divorce. We disagreed on things and talked through them rationally. We will love each other the rest of our lives, and will do anything for each other. Fast-forward to the present, 7 years after the divorce. Recently she broke off an engaged relationship, and I was between relationships. She was struggling financially so after her broken relationship, I put a self-imposed alimony on myself to help her get by, and will continue to do so as long as it takes. We started, 'dating', but it was really strange and the thought of becoming intimate just wasn't there, so we never acted upon it. We kissed, and that even felt odd. When we were alone together, it was so awkward that it was a relief when we parted. I had suggested that we reunite a while back, but now I know it was more for a paternal sort of reasoning versus a romantic, loving reason. She could be on my insurance plan and it would be so much easier financially for her. Not the right reason for a relationship at all. Not too long ago, I called her and asked about how soon she was going to sell her house and move back in with me in my house. She said, "I'm really not sure if I want to do that or not". I asked her if she had an interest in someone else, and she told me that she felt that she still had feelings for her guy she was engaged to. I told her, "That's wonderful!! Go talk to him and see if you guys can work it out". She wanted to know if I was okay and not hurt again, and I ASSURED her that I was feeling the same way she was and then gave her an analogy. I told her that getting back together felt like an Oreo cookie, except the sweet center filling was missing...you still love the cookie, but you miss the sweet inner filling. She cracked up and said that she was going to use that analogy. The next day she stopped over and had a gift for me...a package of Oreo cookies, WITH DOUBLE STUFFING!!. I LOVED it...lol

At any rate, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted and I sincerely hope her and her new man get back together. I wish her nothing but love and happiness. She gave me 3 beautiful children and I will always love her, but I now know it will never be a fast-heart racing, fireworks, romantic love like it once was for me. One problem though, even though the kids are young adults now, they were so excited about us getting back together and they TRULY dislike the guy my Ex is wanting to get back together with. We haven't broke it to them that we are not getting back together yet, and it is going to be almost as difficult as it was the day I told them we were getting a divorce.

Any of you had experiences of getting back with you Ex's?

You sir, are an amazing man! Congratulations on setting such a wonderful example of how everyone should behave in a relationship that doesn't work out.

[Twinkle Toes]

That's a really nice story. Glad it works out for you and your ex. If I ever saw my ex in a dark alley, I'd have to hit the gas and run his sorry a ss down - then I'd have back up to make sure I got him the first time! Lucky for him he doesn't hang out in alleys, at least none that I know of.

[Evlevo]

I have never gotten back with an ex, but I say sort of because I (unfortunately) found out that the girl I "lost it" to is now a Porn Star

No joke!

And I thought I'd never see her again...

[dukester2]

Originally Posted by pirate girl

dukester, you sound like a Gem. Your ex wife and children are lucky to have you in their lives.

Thank you, and thanks to all of the nice comments in here, but I feel like I was and still am the lucky one for having them all in my life, they give me a lot of love

As I think most of you that have got a feel on what I am like know, I WILL find humor in everything, somehow and some way. This last time my Ex told me that we still weren't going to be back together, she went on and on about how difficult it was and that she didn't know how to tell me, how she was worried that I'd be hurt, etc. I told her, "Aw Sweety, it's okay I'm fine and I really don't know why this is so tough for you to tell me. Afterall, it's the second time you've done it to me and once to your fiance, you SHOULD have this down to a fine art"

[phoenixxphyre]

Originally Posted by dukester2

Thank you, and thanks to all of the nice comments in here, but I feel like I was and still am the lucky one for having them all in my life, they give me a lot of love

As I think most of you that have got a feel on what I am like know, I WILL find humor in everything, somehow and some way. This last time my Ex told me that we still weren't going to be back together, she went on and on about how difficult it was and that she didn't know how to tell me, how she was worried that I'd be hurt, etc. I told her, "Aw Sweety, it's okay I'm fine and I really don't know why this is so tough for you to tell me. Afterall, it's the second time you've done it to me and once to your fiance, you SHOULD have this down to a fine art"

Ouch. True though it is, that last comment would bite (and would be what would make it hard to tell someone I bet). But it's good that you have the attitude you're lucky to have had them at all, and that it's okay it didn't work out. At least you got the chance to try again and see for yourself it wasn't compatible/didn't feel right and can probably better appreciate what you guys do still have for not having that 'maybe it could still work' feeling.