Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You can marry a Catholic without all that nonsense. I certainly did. And we had an outdoor wedding. The stipulations you list are if you want to be married by a priest. And Teatime is correct - their are only a handful of classes, but they suck. I hated them, and I'm glad thing things worked out that we did not get married in the church as we initally planned.
His best friend from highschool is the priest who is going to marry us, so I guess we have to do whatever to be married by him. [he really is a nice guy--he lives 8 hours away however, so he won't be able to do our pre-marital counseling!! ] My fiance just wants a valid marriage in the eyes of the church.
I'm a Catholic and as far as wedding is concerned, it's the church wedding the counts the most over the reception (party). Wedding is one of the "sacraments" even though your fiance is practicing more of a free-style Catholic (he likes the label, but does not abide strictly to all the rules).
My wife and I are both Catholics and we were required to attend a weekend of pre-marital retreat. Called Engagement Encounter. I thought it was helpful to give tools about communications, and even delve into discussing possible issues as far as kids, expectations on how they will be raised / traditions to follow, etc.
I have not heard of that the woman must submit to the man. Although I've heard of that passage somewhere along--it is far more technically detailed as far as argument goes.
I would suggest go to a small parish so that you can arrange a weekday wedding where a small service can be done. We did ours on a Saturday, and had to book it months ahead of time because we limit our choice to a specif church.
So why do you have to have a Catholic-officiated wedding?
My parents married in 1941. My mother was Lutheran and my father, Catholic.
My Mom refused to go along with all the Catholic-control crap regarding children, etc. They were married by a Justice of the Peace and each practised their respective religions for the rest of their lives.
We kids were raised more-or-less Lutheran but always had the option (and sometimes exercised it) to go with Dad to his church. They were married for 65 years until my father's death in 2006. My mother died the following year.
Not saying this was ideal or would work for everyone. But they did have a good marriage and raise a family while retaining their individual religious beliefs and for an hour every Sunday morning going their seperate ways and afterwards the family would spend the Sunday together.
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Just do not make any decisions you may regret later in life.
We did pre-cana (mandatory) and had a good time with the couples who offered the group and the other couples participating. I don't know if pre-marital counseling is the same or not. Actually, now that I think about it, we both did have to meet with an individual separately to discuss our "lives" and I guess to make sure we were compatible. I think the person was like a marriage counselor. I recall my husband and I sweating the whole thing but it turned out to be nothing.
As for not being able to get married outdoors, it's not necessarily the priest, but the way the Roman Catholic sacraments work. In order for the marriage to be considered a sacrament, it needs to be done in a consecrated church.
Why not do as STT suggested?
Thank you for your reply--that was SO helpful! I didn't know about pre-cana; I wonder if the parish we are interested in joining offers that? I'll find out. I'd much rather meet with other couples as well.
Thanks for at least explaining why the church feels that way--no one has been able to give me a reason that even made sense! All I've gotten is "that's just the way it is."
So why do you have to have a Catholic-officiated wedding?
My parents married in 1941. My mother was Lutheran and my father, Catholic.
My Mom refused to go along with all the Catholic-control crap regarding children, etc. They were married by a Justice of the Peace and each practised their respective religions for the rest of their lives.
We kids were raised more-or-less Lutheran but always had the option (and sometimes exercised it) to go with Dad to his church. They were married for 65 years until my father's death in 2006. My mother died the following year.
Not saying this was ideal or would work for everyone. But they did have a good marriage and raise a family while retaining their individual religious beliefs and for an hour every Sunday morning going their seperate ways and afterwards the family would spend the Sunday together.
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Just do not make any decisions you may regret later in life.
The ONLY reason he says we "have to" have a Catholic officiated wedding is because of his parents, and his wish to have his marriage officially recognized by the church. I'd love to just go to the court house or Vegas and be done with it! It's our relationship that matters--not how/when/where/etc we enter into it through marriage!
I think I'm about there with your mother-- refusing to go along with all the restrictions and everything else. It is entirely too frustrating and exhausting... and I do think it could work us going our seperate ways to church on Sundays. That may be best.
OK, so I want to say I have nothing against Catholics!! I'm about to marry one! I grew up Methodist, and I prefer to attend any Christian church that is loving and inviting and that speaks the truth. (I just don't agree with everything the Catholics believe) I typically prefer contemporary services. This makes it really difficult for us because we both do not like or feel comfortable in the other's church. But we alternate between churches, and we've agreed to raise our children in both (I have a 3 year old daughter now who we take to both services, and it works out fine). This is all fine and dandy until we got engaged... and I realized he not only wants us to, but we are REQUIRED to attend 6 months of pre-martial Catholic counseling. I'm all for talking and getting advice, what I've heard is that most priests take the view point that if any argument can not be resolved, the man is correct and the woman must submit.
In addition to that, and this is the real kicker, I'm realizing that the wedding I want is not going to happen. I don't want a big wedding, in fact there were only going to be 30 people invited, mostly close family and maybe 10 friends. But all I wanted was for it to be outside; in a garden or on the beach. But Priests feel that they must control that aspect of your life as well--so alas, no outside wedding.
Am I being immature or am I justified in feeling weary of this? Of course I still want to marry him no matter what, I just am wanting to be selfish about this one day!! Thoughts? Anyone ever been through Catholic pre-martial counseling?
Been there, done that.
Here's the thing, if your spiritual beliefs are important to you, do not join a church, any church, with views opposed to your own. Do you really want to sit in the pews for the rest of your life stewing over what the celebrant says?
If you don't agree with a celibate priesthood, the Vatican's viewpoint on birth control and the role of women in the church, transubstantiation, or any number of other questions of Catholic theology, then don't commit to spending the rest of your days to being Catholic. And this applies to any other denomination you don't agree with. Because if your religious beliefs are important to you, then they should not be sacrificed to please anyone--ESPECIALLY YOUR IN-LAWS. Trust me on this.
It's your conscience. It's your beliefs. It's your marriage. Anybody who gets between you and your SO on this question should be told to butt out.
One other thing. That bit about attending separate churches on Sunday morning? It almost never works out.
May I be the first to say ..... HUGE red flag? Not only are you going to be this dude's property - now his family gets to tell you and your kids how to live? No thank you!!! I'd be running as fast as I could in the other direction - screaming at the top of my lungs!!!
I agree with Twinkle Toes -- there's a lot bigger problem here than an outdoor wedding, some pre-marital counseling classes, and the dubious teachings of transubstantiation.
You have been misled and are being roped into doing things -- things that are important to you -- against your will. That's not right.
I agree with Twinkle Toes -- there's a lot bigger problem here than an outdoor wedding, some pre-marital counseling classes, and the dubious teachings of transubstantiation.
You have been misled and are being roped into doing things -- things that are important to you -- against your will. That's not right.
I agree with you, but let's not turn this into a gripefest about Catholic theology. The Catholics have their way of doing things. You could make the same statement about almost any other denomination.
The ONLY reason he says we "have to" have a Catholic officiated wedding is because of his parents, and his wish to have his marriage officially recognized by the church. I'd love to just go to the court house or Vegas and be done with it! It's our relationship that matters--not how/when/where/etc we enter into it through marriage!
I think I'm about there with your mother-- refusing to go along with all the restrictions and everything else. It is entirely too frustrating and exhausting... and I do think it could work us going our seperate ways to church on Sundays. That may be best.
I believe his parents already had their wedding. This is your wedding and you should have the wedding you've always wanted - small and outside. If you get pushed/bullied into a wedding you don't want it'll be just the beginning of his family pushing you around. I see red flags here because you've just found out quite a few things since your engagement. Be careful!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
] My fiance just wants a valid marriage in the eyes of the church.
Actually, now that I think about it, we both did have to meet with an individual separately to discuss our "lives" and I guess to make sure we were compatible. I think the person was like a marriage counselor. I recall my husband and I sweating the whole thing but it turned out to be nothing. 
I didn't know about pre-cana; I wonder if the parish we are interested in joining offers that? I'll find out. I'd much rather meet with other couples as well. 
