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Old 12-19-2009, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Bayou City Megaplex
2,978 posts, read 2,797,276 times
Reputation: 2403
^Wise words right here. Young ladies, listen up and listen well.

 
Old 12-19-2009, 06:29 PM
 
3,278 posts, read 2,936,652 times
Reputation: 1862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexus View Post
They're at the store carefully picking out fruit, or buying a birthday card for their sister or mother. They're at the music store in the classical music section. They're near the university and close to education. They play the violin, cello, bass, or viola. They're up early working out in the nicest part of town, or living in the nicest part of town away from trouble. They're busy working and making their fortune. They're mingling with people of all races, not just black people. You won't find them in black barber shops because they don't prefer to look like Sonny Liston or take on that ex-con look. They may wear eyeglasses because looking street-smart is not a priority. They are very close to their mothers, sisters, grandmothers, female cousins. They doesn't surround themselves with men who are divorced or dating multiple women at the same time. They're not likely to have a lot of friends because they're selective and have high standards. They're intelligent and soft-spoken, not a loud mouth OchoCinco type screaming for attention. They like to read. They probably have no trouble meeting women and most likely date women of any race.

They're out there, but finding one depends on what YOU are about. It starts with appearance? What do you look like? Are you attractive and slender and enjoy taking care of yourself through proper diet or exercise? Or are you some big butt hoochie mama with a linebacker look and a hog head? Are you educated and committed to a life of learning? Or are you one of those who is done with school after you "got my paper", majoring in Interpersonal Communications? Do you have the musical sophistication to appreciate classical music, or do you know the lyrics to every hip-hop song in the top 50 for the last 15 years? Do you dress well? Or are your shoes run-over? Are a genuine person who exudes self-confidence and self-respect, or do you have a take-no-sh-t attitude as if you don't "need a man to complete you"? Are you respectful of the men in your life, your father, brothers, grandfather, cousins? Or do you have some serious intimacy issues with men because your father wasn't there for your mother or for you either? Have you always been selective in the men you chose to get close to? Or have you made countless mistakes going after superficial pretty boys, and been dogged to the point that you carry great baggage going forward? Are you a good judge of character in a man, especially if he at first appears to be not to your liking? Or are you the type who couldn't identify a good man if God himself put him in your lap?

They're out there, but much depends on you too. Good luck!
That's a very narrow definition of what constitutes a good person. Take out all the false dichotomies, and you have a sort of reasonable post here.

Apparently, the only good black guys are self-absorbed, money hungry, church goin' family men. You've just traded one box for another.
 
Old 12-20-2009, 08:47 AM
 
1,567 posts, read 2,255,559 times
Reputation: 1372
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexus View Post
They're at the store carefully picking out fruit, or buying a birthday card for their sister or mother. They're at the music store in the classical music section. They're near the university and close to education. They play the violin, cello, bass, or viola. They're up early working out in the nicest part of town, or living in the nicest part of town away from trouble. They're busy working and making their fortune. They're mingling with people of all races, not just black people. You won't find them in black barber shops because they don't prefer to look like Sonny Liston or take on that ex-con look. They may wear eyeglasses because looking street-smart is not a priority. They are very close to their mothers, sisters, grandmothers, female cousins. They doesn't surround themselves with men who are divorced or dating multiple women at the same time. They're not likely to have a lot of friends because they're selective and have high standards. They're intelligent and soft-spoken, not a loud mouth OchoCinco type screaming for attention. They like to read. They probably have no trouble meeting women and most likely date women of any race.

They're out there, but finding one depends on what YOU are about. It starts with appearance? What do you look like? Are you attractive and slender and enjoy taking care of yourself through proper diet or exercise? Or are you some big butt hoochie mama with a linebacker look and a hog head? Are you educated and committed to a life of learning? Or are you one of those who is done with school after you "got my paper", majoring in Interpersonal Communications? Do you have the musical sophistication to appreciate classical music, or do you know the lyrics to every hip-hop song in the top 50 for the last 15 years? Do you dress well? Or are your shoes run-over? Are a genuine person who exudes self-confidence and self-respect, or do you have a take-no-sh-t attitude as if you don't "need a man to complete you"? Are you respectful of the men in your life, your father, brothers, grandfather, cousins? Or do you have some serious intimacy issues with men because your father wasn't there for your mother or for you either? Have you always been selective in the men you chose to get close to? Or have you made countless mistakes going after superficial pretty boys, and been dogged to the point that you carry great baggage going forward? Are you a good judge of character in a man, especially if he at first appears to be not to your liking? Or are you the type who couldn't identify a good man if God himself put him in your lap?

They're out there, but much depends on you too. Good luck!
It's a well intended description worth a few reps, but it is a bit narrow.
As for my example:

Quote:
They're at the music store in the classical music section.
Not ALL proper black dudes listen to classical music. Some may like rock, some may like alternative music, and some may even like country.

Quote:
They play the violin, cello, bass, or viola.
or they're playing the classical guitar, saxophone, bass guitar, piano, electric guitar, or nothing. Playing an instrument - while rightfully admirable - isn't a requirement to be a dating/doing/marriage eligible dude.

Quote:
You won't find them in black barber shops because they don't prefer to look like Sonny Liston or take on that ex-con look.
This is very debatable. Black barber shops, while they may uphold an "urban" atmosphere, are very knowledgeable when it comes to cutting black hair, usually more than your average "Hair Cuttery." Granted, many of these non-ghetto black dudes are more likely to take a business approach, going to black barbershops just to get in, get a haircut, and get out, and not for socializing.

And I looked up "Sonny Liston" and saw nothing remotely ghetto about his haircuts. I'll agree with you about non-ghetto black dudes not wanting to look like ex-convicts and wannabe poser rappers.

Quote:
They may wear eyeglasses because looking street-smart is not a priority.
I prefer contact lenses , but in certain places and cities where most blacks are from the lower class and have no common sense, and most non-blacks lack the knowledge/humility to discern the difference between ghetto blacks and non-ghetto blacks, eyeglasses seem to be a good indication that "I'm not an effin threat"

Quote:
They are very close to their mothers, sisters, grandmothers, female cousins.
And what if their female relatives resemble the stereotypical "ghetto hoochie mama" or "miss independent b*tch." Let me tell you there are a lot of non-ghetto black dudes - like myself - who have aunts, female cousins, and even mothers that treat them like absolute garbage because they aren't acting like stereotypical hoodlums. It's one of the emotionally sickest experiences to have to deal with. I hardly think that these men are hanging out with their so-called "family" outside of "family-oriented" holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Quote:
They're not likely to have a lot of friends because they're selective and have high standards.
And what about the non-stereotypical black dude who is very social and has a lot of friends? Even though he may have a few close friends, he may still have many other people he's friendly enough to have happy hour and go to parties with.
 
Old 12-20-2009, 10:35 AM
 
4,838 posts, read 4,811,132 times
Reputation: 2891
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Jack22 View Post
Decent men are not exciting overall to women, especially in America.

Our society has made it that way.

Our society places an emphasis on the material world instead of internal qualities.

It's worse in America than most developed countries in the world.

The women in this thread who cannot find a decent guy have honestly got to be living in the seventh dimension. How about approaching these decent men once in a while and taking notice of them?

In college, I knew 4 or 5 decent guys who had not 1 girlfriend in college! They were not Brad Pitt but were not totally hideous.
My experience exactly. To come from a HS experience where there were almost no males who were a decent type (however this hardly slowed them down when it came to partying, getting lots of sex and having children) to meeting such a fine group of guys who got almost no attention, was a big shock, but an education for me.

Things changed a lot, starting in the 1960s and marriage has been on the rocks ever since. Women complain a lot but they aren't willing to compromise or give decent guys the benefit of doubt. Most decent guys wash out because women are suspicious of why they don't have to steal them from another woman. This also explains why men are nearly always cast as the villain in divorce but divorced men have so little trouble getting remarried.

Frankly, in today's screwed up society, decent single men are better off remaining that way.
 
Old 12-20-2009, 12:54 PM
 
Location: San Leandro
4,377 posts, read 4,206,003 times
Reputation: 3003
Quote:
Originally Posted by msindy32 View Post
Where are all the good black men? The ones with jobs, the ones with respect, the ones that are affectionate, the ones who can tell the truth, the ones that are ok with having only 1 woman, the ones that really wanna do something with you besides just have sex! Where are they let me know please!
We have wives and children. Most black woman dogged me for being educated and from a middle class backround, add to the fact that my father is bi racial and I have light skin, meh, usually most sisters were not so kind hearted. When I was single I never did end up dating a black woman, every thing but, it seems, lord knows I tried, I was a horn dog in college.
 
Old 12-20-2009, 06:17 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
14,633 posts, read 8,750,182 times
Reputation: 14937
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorCal Dude View Post
We have wives and children. Most black woman dogged me for being educated and from a middle class backround, add to the fact that my father is bi racial and I have light skin, meh, usually most sisters were not so kind hearted. When I was single I never did end up dating a black woman, every thing but, it seems, lord knows I tried, I was a horn dog in college.
This comment is indicative of a middle class Black guy who basically wanted to date lower class Black women or to date interracially.

Middle and upper class Black women have no problems with Black men who are educated, middle class, light complexion, etc.

Why must certain Black men continue to always "blame" all Black women for their choice to date/marry interracially instead of just admitting that it was their preference? Its ok, really.

Last edited by calipoppy; 12-20-2009 at 06:35 PM..
 
Old 12-20-2009, 07:06 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,687 posts, read 20,850,689 times
Reputation: 9769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Jack22 View Post
Decent men are not exciting overall to women, especially in America.

Our society has made it that way.


Our society places an emphasis on the material world instead of internal qualities.

It's worse in America than most developed countries in the world.

The women in this thread who cannot find a decent guy have honestly got to be living in the seventh dimension. How about approaching these decent men once in a while and taking notice of them?

In college, I knew 4 or 5 decent guys who had not 1 girlfriend in college! They were not Brad Pitt but were not totally hideous.
Yes. I agree with you. However, by the same token, these "decent men without girlfriends" are only interested in dating attractive exciting looking women aka hotties. If these same decent (average looking and boring) men were to try to date decent, average looking non-trophy women, they'd have plenty of success.

You men should take your rant and pick your prospective girlfriends the same way that you'd like to be chosen by a woman as a mate. Go more for a woman's inner qualities instead of only mooning after and chasing the hot looking girls.

After all, what else do you expect from a woman that has beauty and knows how to make the most of it? She knows that she is attractive and is dressing up like her favorite celebrities... so you can see that she wants to be treated special like a celebrity, so why would she want an average looking boring kind of guy as her boyfriend? You decent men have to work on your personal style and charm, if you want to catch a trophy girlfriend.
 
Old 12-20-2009, 09:37 PM
 
Location: Kuwait City, Kuwait.
1,125 posts, read 1,153,816 times
Reputation: 1010
Decent does not equal boring. Why do a lot of women always associate one with another? It's utterly baffling to me.
 
Old 12-21-2009, 06:42 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,687 posts, read 20,850,689 times
Reputation: 9769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorrans View Post
Decent does not equal boring. Why do a lot of women always associate one with another? It's utterly baffling to me.
Well it depends on who is describing that man that is "decent" or "nice". Women calling a guy "nice" is the polite way to describe a guy that is plain or average in looks with nothing amazing to say about him. "Nice" is just a polite term for a guy with nothing special about him.

Nice or decent guys should stick to dating nice or decent women. They should stop shooting for women out of their league as the competition with other single men for the opportunity to date the hot looking exciting women is so intense. And stop blaming the hotties from turning down boring average guys, instead place your hate towards the guys that are better looking, make more money, self confidence, and have more game than you do. Why should anyone, female or male, not choose to date and marry the best person they can get? Why should a desirable woman have to be charitable and settle for a lesser man than she can get on the open dating scene? And those really attractive women put a lot of money and time into looking as good as they do. Whereas a nice or decent guy is just being his boring cheapass self in quite a lazy way and being bummed out at his dating failures as he blames his failures on the hot women being goldiggers.
 
Old 12-21-2009, 06:47 AM
 
Location: locus amoenus
1,777 posts, read 1,730,882 times
Reputation: 1913
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Well it depends on who is describing that man that is "decent" or "nice". Women calling a guy "nice" is the polite way to describe a guy that is plain or average in looks with nothing amazing to say about him. "Nice" is just a polite term for a guy with nothing special about him.

Nice or decent guys should stick to dating nice or decent women. They should stop shooting for women out of their league as the competition with other single men for the opportunity to date the hot looking exciting women is so intense. And stop blaming the hotties from turning down boring average guys, instead place your hate towards the guys that are better looking, make more money, self confidence, and have more game than you do. Why should anyone, female or male, not choose to date and marry the best person they can get? Why should a desirable woman have to be charitable and settle for a lesser man than she can get on the open dating scene? And those really attractive women put a lot of money and time into looking as good as they do. Whereas a nice or decent guy is just being his boring cheapass self in quite a lazy way and being bummed out at his dating failures as he blames his failures on the hot women being goldiggers.
Wise words

A variable should be taken into account, however. Some very good looking women (and some very good looking men) stick with average or even less than average people. This may be because they only care about their own beauty (and don't think others' beauty is a requirement), because what one finds sexy or not is a case per case thing or because they feel safer and more comfortable around people who aren't as good looking as they are.

In general you're absolutely right, though.
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