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She had warned me in emails that she was born with a small disability in her leg and she sometimes had a funny walk. At first I didn't think I would be bothered by it, and I wasn't. But when I met her I noticed she also didn't have full use of her arms (basically couldn't lift things without using the other arm to help, and probably couldn't lift anything above her head.)
Here's my problem: I liked her, we talked for hours, I had fun. But I felt incredibly guilty and sorry for her. I'm a very active person and I don't know if I could live without being able to play sports (eventhough I know at some point I won't be able to anymore.) I realize she's had it her whole life and she seemed content with it, but I don't know if I could handle it or get over it. I felt absolutely terrible after I left. Ultimately I realized how much of a dick I am for letting her disability get in the way of potentially a good relationship. Therefore I'm pretty much deciding to quit dating. I don't think I have the moral character to be a good partner and I realized how low I really am, and I wouldn't wish myself on any girl.
Feel free to comment, I just had to let it out on paper.
What do you mean by that statement? Are you referring to aging or do you suffer from an illness?
As I've posted quite a bit in response to online dating as I've been doing quite a bit over the last year or so, I'm considering giving it up. Here's why:
First off, I'm 26, this other girl was 24.
We shared a couple emails online, I asked her to meet me, she agreed, then she forgot about it and had something important come along and ended up standing me up. I was upset at first (not really pissed or anything), but I knew how to handle it and I told her it wasn't going to work after the apologized for it.
Well I got drunk a week later and texted the wrong girl (meant to text a girl with the same name) and her and I got back to friendly chatting. No big deal, she was still sorry and still wanted to meet. I said fine but I picked a bar really close to my house to it wouldn't be much of a loss if she stood me up again, and I told her if she's 10 min late I'm bailing.
She had warned me in emails that she was born with a small disability in her leg and she sometimes had a funny walk. At first I didn't think I would be bothered by it, and I wasn't. But when I met her I noticed she also didn't have full use of her arms (basically couldn't lift things without using the other arm to help, and probably couldn't lift anything above her head.)
Here's my problem: I liked her, we talked for hours, I had fun. But I felt incredibly guilty and sorry for her. I'm a very active person and I don't know if I could live without being able to play sports (eventhough I know at some point I won't be able to anymore.) I realize she's had it her whole life and she seemed content with it, but I don't know if I could handle it or get over it. I felt absolutely terrible after I left. Ultimately I realized how much of a dick I am for letting her disability get in the way of potentially a good relationship. Therefore I'm pretty much deciding to quit dating. I don't think I have the moral character to be a good partner and I realized how low I really am, and I wouldn't wish myself on any girl.
Feel free to comment, I just had to let it out on paper.
Dude, you're a bastard.
Ok, hell, I couldn't resist... I've been wanting to call someone that all day now, and you just happened to give me the perfect opportunity.
Alright, seriously now.. Bro, I know you feel bad about it, but I wouldn't let it bother you all that much. Thing is, it's human nature to shy away from things that are "abnormal", especially if you haven't really been around it that often.
Personally, I've known a lot of handicapped people, and even though I'm comfortable around people with disabilities, it's still a shock to realize certain things about them. I probably would have done the same thing you did, to be perfectly honest. I would have made amends later on, but that's just me. Sometimes doing that only makes things worse.
Look man, from the posts you've made on here and from what I know about you, I don't think you have anything to worry about with your moral character. In fact, man, you've helped out a lot of people on here, and sometimes more than you even realize.
So, I wouldn't go and give up dating just because of one incident. Instead, try to learn from it and move on.. put it in the past where it belongs.
Bro, I wish ya the best.. now quit beating yourself up over this!
Do not date her or stay friends with her out of pity.
I think this is important. If you decided to go on another date with her, would it be because you felt sorry for her or felt bad about your own thoughts on the matter? Or would it be because you actually enjoyed being around her? Unless you could do it for the second reason, I wouldn't beat myself up about choosing not to. Another question, what kinds of sports are we talking about, and would she have to participate for you to still enjoy them?
I'm a little confused. What does her disability have to do with you not being able to play sports? Do you mean that you need a woman that can play all of your sports with you? What if you meet a great girl with no physical problems, but she doesn't like to do the sports that you do? Just wondering.
The fact that you feel terrible about this shows that you're a decent person. A real di*% wouldn't feel bad! We all have our "things" that we can't deal with in a potential mate. Don't feel bad, she will find someone eventually who won't have a problem with it.
Well not if she actually plans on meeting them! She's just setting herself up for disappointment. She shoulda been honest.
I totally agree;
I think she set herself up and hin up for failure. she should have been up front about her disabilties . then he would have known what he was getting into. It's seems somewhat deceptive of her. I wouldn't think he should spend another day feeling guilt over it. Call it what it is, and move on~ he's way too young to have this burden, there's someone out there for everyone.
JMHO
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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We all possess our own shallow areas. It's just that we don't all choose to reveal those shallow spots. Some of us don't even know where ours are. At least you're aware.
As I've posted quite a bit in response to online dating as I've been doing quite a bit over the last year or so, I'm considering giving it up. Here's why:
Go out with her again.
You probably felt uncomfortable because it was something you're not used to. If you spent more time with her you'll get used to it.
People come up with all these snap reasons to quit seeing people they've just met. Think about all the quirks in people you discover after you've got to know them. We put up with these much more frequently.
The only difference is the order in which they were discovered.
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