Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The question really boils down to how much you truly like him as a person. The more you really like him -- and presumably would thus truly want the best for him -- the more honest and candid you should be. Being straight up will give him sincere and straightforward feedback that, if he's smart, he can use to improve himself for the next relationship. It can be tough to be honest, but it really is doing him a favor in the long run. OTOH, if you really have no use for the guy then just give him a polite and cursory goodbye without giving him real feedback.
I've been on both ends of the equation (dumper and dumpee); a few times I provided honest and sincere criticisms of her. It was tough but I did so becasue I really wanted her to be happy and for things to work out for her later. Sitting on the other side of the table, I found myself hurt more when I was not given much real, honest reason why she wanted to break up with me. Vague things like "we're just not suited to a relationship" or other such nonspecific, polite bromides left me frustrated and feeling more let down.
I don't think lying is the way to go, but the BRUTAL honest truth shouldn't be necessary either. Are the problems you have with him things that he can change, and would he just try to argue that every single detail you're listing is something he will change, and please please give him another chance? Explanations are not necessary in a break up. If you tell him it's not working for you, that your feelings just aren't there, that should be sufficient.
No I really, really want out of the relationship. The feelings aren't even there anymore and if I stay longer, I would be lying to both him and myself. I would not be happy and I want to move on with my life, meet other people, meet other men. I don't love him. In fact when he calls anytime, I will break up. The sooner the better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
I've been dumped, and (less often) been the dumper. I'm the one who ended my last relationship and I simply told him that while he has so many great qualities, my feelings just weren't there. This is also the way a couple of my exes broke up with me. I wanted more of an explanation but usually didn't get it at the time. Looking back, it was probably for the best.
Yes, it's for the better. I'm tired of lying to him when he asked ''Oh you still love me'' and I go on playing along saying ''Yes sweety'' while deep inside I'm thinking.. ''I want out already, you're boring me, it's been too long''.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
What I did NOT tell my recent ex was that he wasn't good in bed. No sense in hurting his feelings when the outcome wasn't going to change.
True no need for that. He also suck many times but I never told him anything about it. I figure what men would want to hear that? But there will always be those women that will be brutally honest to the point of hurting a man like that.... I guess it's just not in me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
I did manage to get an explanation out of one ex-boyfriend a few months after we broke up. He told me that I wasn't athletic enough for him. OK, fair enough. What's really funny 12 years later is that he has a big 'ol beer gut and I just finished a half marathon.
Wow that was brutal. Oh well, it happened for a reason. In the end it was his loss, while you happily move on..
Must make it good so he doesn't suspect I been feeling this way for a while...
What's the difference? If you say you just recently came to this realization, then it makes you look like you haven't thought things through.
The truth is always the best way to go.
Personally, I think you're over-thinking this "how to break up" thing. The bottom line is that you don't want to be with him - and you can tell him that without making the whole thing into a real life mini-series.
Personally, I think you're over-thinking this "how to break up" thing. The bottom line is that you don't want to be with him - and you can tell him that without making the whole thing into a real life mini-series.
Yes it's the same as whether I were to tell him ''You were a loser'', v.s. ''I want out of the relationship and the feelings just aren't there''. I'm still going to break up either way.
I think I overdid it with the whole ''games things'' plot when I want to move on and enjoy my life. My ending would be something like this ''I wish you the best, move on with your life, enjoy life and find a woman you can trust, that is compatible to you''.
Yes it's the same as whether I were to tell him ''You were a loser'', v.s. ''I want out of the relationship and the feelings just aren't there''. I'm still going to break up either way.
I think I overdid it with the whole ''games things'' plot when I want to move on and enjoy my life. My ending would be something like this ''I wish you the best, move on with your life, enjoy life and find a woman you can trust, that is compatible to you''.
Or you could simply say "Hey, this isn't going to work out but I wish you the best in the future." And just leave it at that. Adding the "find a woman you can trust" is somewhat passive-aggressive and really doesn't need to be said.
Or you could simply say "Hey, this isn't going to work out but I wish you the best in the future." And just leave it at that. Adding the "find a woman you can trust" is somewhat passive-aggressive and really doesn't need to be said.
Thanks, that was helpful. I guess I got a bit carry away since at times, I'm not very good verbally, esp (I might not talk that much as well as overdo it sometimes) when it involves carrying out a long speech. Many times I'm better off writing things than saying it. But yeah, talking it out is part of life after all.
I'm tired of lying to him when he asked ''Oh you still love me'' and I go on playing along saying ''Yes sweety'' while deep inside I'm thinking.. ''I want out already, you're boring me, it's been too long''.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_lol
Must make it good so he doesn't suspect I been feeling this way for a while...
You have been lying like hell won't have it to the man...I'm starting to wonder who the cad in this relationship is. As I read those posts I feel you are a human affront to all women because if it was a guy doing this to a woman people would go ballistic.
How long have you been lying and sneaking and faking with this man? I would say with all this experience lying to him already breaking up with lies shouldn't be that hard for you.
How long have you been lying and sneaking and faking with this man? I would say with all this experience lying to him already breaking up with lies shouldn't be that hard for you.
It's been now about 8 months into the lying about how I still loved him and listen to his ''Lovey dovey conversation, even fake a phone sex with him. I guess I was thinking maybe it will somewhat change but no. When it's not there anymore, then it's not.
I will be honest about the feelings not being there though but not necessarily state how much I fake it for a long while now... That would for sure hurt him and I'll be seen as ''callous person'' which I'm not.
It's been now about 8 months into the lying about how I still loved him and listen to his ''Lovey dovey conversation, even fake a phone sex with him. I guess I was thinking maybe it will somewhat change but no. When it's not there anymore, then it's not.
I will be honest about the feelings not being there though but not necessarily state how much I fake it for a long while now... That would for sure hurt him and I'll be seen as ''callous person'' which I'm not.
You shouldn't state that at all.
Look, you don't want to be with this guy so just tell him it's not working and be done with it. Why go into the hows and whyfors....they serve no purpose. If you want to try to make it work, then you discuss the issues you have. Otherwise, just let bygones be bygones and move on.
Or you could simply say "Hey, this isn't going to work out but I wish you the best in the future." And just leave it at that. Adding the "find a woman you can trust" is somewhat passive-aggressive and really doesn't need to be said.
I agree with this!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
